In which Ryan reviews the movie "Bedtime for Bonzo"

Really the image above should serve as a review in itself. I mean it's a movie starring a monkey. That alone should conjur up memories of craptastic films as 1996's Dunston Checks In, or 2000's MVP: Most Valuable Primate. If the genre of 'wacky animal hijinks' was a city, the roads would be paved with straight-to-DVD movies starring monkeys. And then you throw Ronald Reagan into the mix, and you've got a movie that is pretty hard for me to take seriously at face value. So, going into this thing I knew that I was going to bear witness to the most shitty of shitty movies.

But, turns out it's a pretty good movie. Don't get me wrong, it's still pretty dumb and most of the plot revolves around "monkeys are crazy", but somehow Bedtime for Bonzo manages to avoid the slapstick gags and fart noises that are so characteristic of other monkey movies. They're there, but there's actually some semblance of a plot to connect them together. The plot revolves around Professor Peter Boyd (played by Reagan) as he attempts to convince his fiancee's father (who is the Dean at the university where he teaches) that he did not inherit the criminal traits of his father (who was a jewel theif or something). He does this by adopting the university's rambunctious lab test monkey and raise him to be a respectable and well-mannered monkey.

Ok, I know it sounds fucking stupid, but trust me.

The highlight of the film comes in the form of the supporting role of Prof. Hans Neumann, who is Boyd's bumbling German partner-in-crime. Neumann is played by Walter Slezak, who readers of this blog may better know as The Clock King from the 1966 Batman television series.

This character is funny in that way that all German characters in american TV and films were funny back then. Sort of like Sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Heroes.

Anyway, not to get too far into the minor plot points of the movie, the movie turned out to be a pleasant surprise. All in all, I give it 2 out of 5 Torgo's. It's still got that 1950's comedy badness to it, but done surprisingly well.

Uncanny X-Men #499 (also, there's some spoilers)

So, yesterday was New Comics Day, and you may have noticed that I didn't post any reviews. That wasn't to say that there weren't issues worth reviewing. In fact, it was a very good week for comics. Specifically, it marks the day when I actually found myself excited to read the next issue of Uncanny X-Men.

It should come as no surprise that I am a big fan of Ed Brubaker's work. I've written post after post talking about how much I enjoy his work on Captain America and Daredevil. He's right up there on my top 5 list of favorite writers. But, I realized recently that I've not talked a whole lot about his current run on Uncanny X-Men. Mostly just because I've been really underwhelmed by the storyline.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mean to say that it's been a bad storyline. Brubaker's plot on this book has been just as good as his work everywhere else. I especially liked the past few issues with the strange 1960's hallucination thing going on. My big problem with the whole thing was that, even though it was a cool story and had a bunch of mutants that are associated with the X-Men, it just hasn't felt like the X-Books I know and love. Something was missing.

That something is the whole team dynamic that has always run through the character's storylines and the battle scenes. With the X-Men split up as they have been, the book as felt less like "X-Men" and more like "Cyclops and Emma Frost do stuff, while Wolverine, Colossus, and Nightcrawler do stuff somewhere else". But, that all changes in this issue. And, to be honest, I couldn't be happier.

The X-Men are getting back together, there's a new HQ in San Francisco, what more could one ask for?

Oh, wait, you say that Matt Fraction is joining the writing team next issue? So it will be Ed Brubaker and Matt Fraction writing a book together?

Oh fuckity-fuck yes.

Serious medical information

I wasn't aware, but apparently I'm some kind of expert that is to be reffered to with problems of the mountain dew-induced runs. WIFL is the #1 Google search result for the terms "mountain dew voltage diarrhea" and "mountain dew voltage side effects".

That said, if you're finding this blog for that reason. Haha, you're pooping water.

New Comic Day: 06/18/2008

It's that time again. This week was a surpsingly good week for comics, even though none of my usual favorites were on the shelves. Let's see what's on the big ol' scroll today.
And now, for the highlights!

AMERICAN DREAM #4 (OF 5)
There’s not much I can say about this mini series that I haven’t said in previous reviews. If you’re a fan of old Captain America action, this is a book for you. More run-ins with giant crystal monster like in the past 3 issues, but this issue has the added highlight of giving a littlie glimpse at what the whole of the avengers team is like in this alternate future. I have to say, with hardcore motherfuckers like Speedball and Jubilee on your team, nobody will dare to fuck with you. For fear of razzledazzles.



CAPTAIN BRITAIN AND MI13 #2
Ever wondered what the Black Night would look like as a human anatomy sculpture? Now you know. Also, did I mention that Skrull John Lennon is a character in this book? AND Deathlok Skrull? Just shut up and go buy it.






FANTASTIC FOUR (SECRET INVASION) #2 (OF 3)
Women. Am I right, fellas? I mean, there you are just minding your old business and then all the sudden your crazy ex comes strolling in dressed as your sister, transport you and your close friends and family into the Negative Zone, and then she tries to kill you. All because what, you didn’t send a text message? God, Lyja, you are getting so clingy. Also greatest line from a comic this week: “Yay prison!”




GHOST RIDER #24
On a suggestion from Rick, I decide to give this series a shot. Unfortunately the most recent back issue they had was #19, so I just decided to say screw the backstory and see if I can figure out the story as I go. Turns out, I can. I’ve never been a huge Ghost Rider fan, but this issue at least seems to be pretty good. Look like something to add to the pull list.




GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY #2
Having heard nothing about this series prior to this day, let me just say that this is one of the most radtastic covers I have ever seen. A raccoon in clothes with a gun bigger than it’s body? I’ll take two. Oh and also the raccoon talks. And apparently makes Spinal Tap jokes.

"furry fury and feces-flingin' fun"

So, correct me if I'm wrong...

But I'm pretty sure that just blew your mind.

Punisher: War Zone

3 posts in one day? Jeezy Creezy!

Just saw this over on superherohype, and thought I would repost it here.


Don't fucking tell me that doesn't look sexy/

Let's talking comics!

It's new comic book day, and thus, it's time to talk about new comics. Without spending a lot of time doing the introduction thing, I'm going to jump right into it.

Now, for the reviews!

BOOSTER GOLD #9 & #10
After my good experience with Blue Beetle a few weeks ago, I decided to try my hand at another DC series I’ve been hearing a lot of good things about. I grabbed the newest issue and #9 (I would have grabbed more back issues, but the closest one to #9 was #5, and that’s a bit too much of a gap in plot for my tastes). It’s a really good read from what I’ve gotten out of the two issues so far. I was probably going to pick up the series, but then I saw “Skeets” let loose a blast of robot diarrhea all over his evil twin and a guy vomit up a thousand mind control caterpillars.. That pretty much sealed the deal for me.

GENEXT #1 & #2
Somehow a book about mutants written by Chris Claremont slipped entirely under my radar. Although the writing is a little shaky at times, the issues themselves are really fun to read. What steals the show, though, is a special mini-story in the back of issue one featuring my favorite character ever to be written in an X-Men comic, Bernard! This is one you need to buy, dig?

GREEN ARROW/BLACK CANARY #9
Oh god. Oh good god. Batman/Plastic Man team-up in issue #10? I don’t see PM in the cover preview in the back of this issue, but I certainly have my fingers crossed!

THE TWELVE #6
The past few issues of this book have been boring with a capital BORING. This issue, however, makes up for all of that. I’ve been hoping for a rockman-heavy issue, and this one is it. Of course, that very fact also makes this issue terribly depressing. I won’t say why, because I actually don’t want to spoil an issue as good as this. Of course, if the last page has anything to say about it, next issue will be thousands of times more awesome.

X-FORCE SPECIAL: AIN’T NO DOG #1
The second story that this issue offers has me severely disappointed. The story begins with Warpath hunting down a bear in the woods. All signs point to “bear fight”. Sadly, it was just not meant to be, and he saves the bear from some barbed wire and then sends it off into the woods to live in harmony with all of Mother Nature’s children.

Friggin’ indians.

Mountain Dew Voltage, Supernova, and Revolution

Had to get my comics a day late, and now I am waiting for everyone else in my office to leave so I can start reading them and writing my reviews. Until then, here's another installment of "Stuff You Should or Shouldn't Put In Your Mouth" to hold you over.

I used to drink a whole lot of soda for most of my life, up until a year or so ago. During that time, my particular favorite was Mountain Dew. Why? Because I was fucking 1337 and that's what me and my buddies would drink while we chatted on IRC. Nowadays, I don't know what the hell I found so delicious about the stuff. Just thinking about it makes my teeth hurt.

My brother, on the other hand, still enjoys the beverage quite frequently. (EDITORS NOTE: This process is also known on the street as "doing the dew"). The other day he came home with a few 12-packs of some new flavors of mountain dew. Apparently they've released 3 new flavors, and you get to vote on which one continues on as a real brand after this contest ends. The flavors all have really XTREME names like Voltage (a blue raspberry flavor), Supernova (strawberry), and Revolution (Wild Berry). Let me just say, these things are pretty awful. Let me see if I can accurately describe the experience of drinking one of these.

If you were ever a child, there's a very good chance that you (at least once) have prepared a batch of Kool-Aid with so much sugar that it actually gave you a headache to drink it. Now, imagine a fairy took a piss in that Kool-Aid. That's how sweet this stuff is. Not to mention the addition of ginseng into the mix. Because, really, Mountain Dew was really missing that kick of energy. Of course, this also means that side effects of drinking these new flavors could include nausea and diarrhea. Make of that what you will.

But seriously, it's probably not sanitary to make things out of your diarrhea.

Anyways, what makes this whole thing much more interesting is that there appears to be a suprisingly large online community devoted to discussing how much better one flavor is compared to another. I'm talking forums with hundreds and hundreds of posts about Mountain Dew. And there are fights! Internet flame wars about a beverage. If that's not a cue that you need to cut back on your sugar/caffeine/ginseng intake, I don't know what is. Let's take a look at some of these fantastic speaking points.

This one comes from a thread titled We Must Unite! *Please Read*, in which 'aa01' states:

My fellow fans of Revolution,

We must unite against the dark force that is known as (Voltage) and hit
them hard! The best way to do this, is to strike at 1 state at a time! Now of
course we can argue which state to hit votes upon first, second, third, etc. but
the best way is too continue hitting our states that we have put our votes into
but mostly Oregon. Due to fact Voltage is unwilling to let that state go! If we
continue to hold onto the 4 states that we have Oregon, Hawaii, South Dakota and
our newest Maine. They will lose a high level of confidence that they need to
continue with their continous streak of winning! Now all Revo Fans stand up for
what is right, for what is best tasting and for better is to keep this "dream"
on! To be able to say that you had a part of making the Revo a drink that will
stay with us. So please continue voting!

Am I the only that is scared of this much tactic and loyalty being put into a god damn drink?

New Comic Day 06/04/2008

New comic day is upon us once again. Luckily, after the serious hurt that last week put on my wallet, this one was a much smaller haul. This week I bought...

Let's take a little look at the highlights for the week.

AMERICAN DREAM #3
If I’ve never mentioned it before, one of my favorite runs in comic book history was the Stern/Byrne run on Captain America (which brought us such gems as the Machinesmith and Cap’s run for presidency). This series reminds me a whole lot of those kind of storylines. Just enough mystery in the plot, a really compelling title character who does a great job of capturing the essence of old Captain America, really this book has everything you could want in a simple, fun read. My only gripe with the series so far has been these two villains behind the scenes who never seemed to actually do much of anything. This issue seems to mark the beginning of their involvement in the actual plot itself, which should be interesting. I’m upset that there are only going to be two more issues of this.

INVINCIBLE IRON MAN #2
I’m going to sum up why you should by this book in just six words. Mental. Organism. Designed. Only. For. Genocide.

Carry on.

KICK-ASS #3
I’ve heard some people saying that the plot progression in this book is to slow. To that I have to ask, why do you hate everything that is good? Saying you don’t like this story, especially after the twist in this issue, is like saying you don’t like pictures of adorable puppies and kitties snuggling each other in a laundry basket. I mean, isn’t that just the cutest thing ever? Seriously, I challenge someone to show me something cuter. Wait, what were we talking about again?

A small amount of reviews for a small weekly haul. What did you guys buy today?