I used to drink a whole lot of soda for most of my life, up until a year or so ago. During that time, my particular favorite was Mountain Dew. Why? Because I was fucking 1337 and that's what me and my buddies would drink while we chatted on IRC. Nowadays, I don't know what the hell I found so delicious about the stuff. Just thinking about it makes my teeth hurt.
My brother, on the other hand, still enjoys the beverage quite frequently. (EDITORS NOTE: This process is also known on the street as "doing the dew"). The other day he came home with a few 12-packs of some new flavors of mountain dew. Apparently they've released 3 new flavors, and you get to vote on which one continues on as a real brand after this contest ends. The flavors all have really XTREME names like Voltage (a blue raspberry flavor), Supernova (strawberry), and Revolution (Wild Berry). Let me just say, these things are pretty awful. Let me see if I can accurately describe the experience of drinking one of these.
If you were ever a child, there's a very good chance that you (at least once) have prepared a batch of Kool-Aid with so much sugar that it actually gave you a headache to drink it. Now, imagine a fairy took a piss in that Kool-Aid. That's how sweet this stuff is. Not to mention the addition of ginseng into the mix. Because, really, Mountain Dew was really missing that kick of energy. Of course, this also means that side effects of drinking these new flavors could include nausea and diarrhea. Make of that what you will.
But seriously, it's probably not sanitary to make things out of your diarrhea.
Anyways, what makes this whole thing much more interesting is that there appears to be a suprisingly large online community devoted to discussing how much better one flavor is compared to another. I'm talking forums with hundreds and hundreds of posts about Mountain Dew. And there are fights! Internet flame wars about a beverage. If that's not a cue that you need to cut back on your sugar/caffeine/ginseng intake, I don't know what is. Let's take a look at some of these fantastic speaking points.
This one comes from a thread titled We Must Unite! *Please Read*, in which 'aa01' states:
My fellow fans of Revolution,
We must unite against the dark force that is known as (Voltage) and hit
them hard! The best way to do this, is to strike at 1 state at a time! Now of
course we can argue which state to hit votes upon first, second, third, etc. but
the best way is too continue hitting our states that we have put our votes into
but mostly Oregon. Due to fact Voltage is unwilling to let that state go! If we
continue to hold onto the 4 states that we have Oregon, Hawaii, South Dakota and
our newest Maine. They will lose a high level of confidence that they need to
continue with their continous streak of winning! Now all Revo Fans stand up for
what is right, for what is best tasting and for better is to keep this "dream"
on! To be able to say that you had a part of making the Revo a drink that will
stay with us. So please continue voting!
Am I the only that is scared of this much tactic and loyalty being put into a god damn drink?