You know what would make me read new comics? Make them shitty again.
When it comes to comics, every fan has their favorite. Some people like Marvel, and some people like DC. Some people really like Modern Age stuff. I, personally, prefer Silver Age Marvel comics. I like them because they're simple, yet they attempt to delve into topics that are more complex. Usually, they do that by very poorly contrived dialog between characters. I love that stuff. There should be more of it in comics today. I stopped reading the new stuff a long time ago because it has just gotten a bit too convoluted for me. Too much drama, not enough getting-your-ass-kicked-by-the-villian-and-then-coming-back-at-the-end-in-victory. Early X-Men is a great example. Every issue of X-Men had the same basic plot. The students are training, then Professor X senses a danger. They go to kick some ass, but find out that this new enemy is a totally flamboyant badass (think about the Vanisher's original costume in #2).
They get their asses kicked, but then one of two things happens. Either they figure out that they have to work together, because teamwork makes a team work. OR, the Professor proves that he's so fucking hardcore and bails them out of trouble yet again. They win and the villian goes away for a few issues. Nobody ever thinks about the villian again, and they just go about their business until some new danger arises. Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
However, like all comic fans, I have my pet peeves. My main pet peeve comes in the form of the unbeatable villian. Every good comic franchise has at least one villian that they can never actually defeat. The X-Men have had dozens in their history. Most of the time, the only way they ever defeat this new villian is by pure dumb luck. At the high point of tension, while you sit on the edge of your seat wondering if the X-Men have finally met their match, some fucking aliens show up and take the new villian away. It sounds stupid. Too stupid to have ever been considered a good plot device. But it happened to Magneto in issue #11, and i'm sure it's not the first time.
How about we just stop that. Let's just stop with the totally unbeatable villians. Or, an even better idea. Give them their own comic series. Picture it. An entire universe just for the Mad Jim Jaspers of the world. A place where all the unbeatable villians could go to battle it out and warp reality as they see fit, without any pesky telepathic professors or strecthy scientists to screw up their fun. I'd buy it. I picture the cover of the first issue looking something like this:
Yeah, that's right. It's Apocalypse and Mad Jim Jaspers destroying shit. And you know what a real man does when he's destroying shit? He has a cup of tea. AND HE DOESN'T EVEN SPILL ONE FUCKING DROP! And, just to make things interesting, whenever there is a comic character that just annoys the hell out of everybody, they could get transported into Earth-52 (obviously the most badass earth there is). Getting tired of Ulitmate Nightcrawler? Oh, through some convoluted turn of events, a wormhole opened and he bamf'd into Earth-52. Poor Ultimate Nightcrawler. Dont' forget to take Ultimate Pyro with you!
The awesome potential of this comic is so high that it almost makes me wish I hadn't even thought of it, because now i want to go out and buy it.