Bits And Pieces

Well, it's been a while since my last real post, so I thought now would be the perfect time to shake off this winter vacation mode I've been in and review yet another brilliant masterpiece of comicbookery. This one comes from James Allen, the samce guy who brought us Double Time #2. Ladies and Gents, without further ado, I present:

James Allen
James Allen's
Bits And Pieces
Now, completely ignoring the obvious hilarity of the title, let's take a look at the rest of the cover. Does it fit all the criteria for an awesome book? Let's see.

Blood: Yes
Bones: Yes

Big Awesome Font: Yes
Chicks With Big Boobs: No

Explosions: No

Dinosaurs/Robots: No
So, the cover is 50% awesome. The book is half perfect and we haven't even opened it yet! That means the entire rest of the book only has to be 50% awesome to make it a classic. So, let's start with our first story.
Good Hunting starts like any good story should, with a guy with a big gun walking around in the jungle. It appears he hired some native guides to take him and his bitchin' mustache on a safari for some big game. Then, on day five...
Holy shit yes! Please tell me those are tracks of what I think they are...
Then all of a sudden!
SWEEEEET! I think we all see where this is heading.

And then, later:


So, there's story one, and already we've reached 83.33% awesome, since exploding dinosaurs count as both dinosaurs and explosions. Really, we could stop here and just be happy with what we've got, but we're not going to. Because up next is...
Wait? Wasn't this the title of a story from the last James Allen book we reviewed? Yes, it is. In fact, it's the same story entirely, but with a few upgrades. Namely, everyone has huge genitals.
Hell, even Eva has a huge package. What kind of crazy growth hormones do they put in the food in underground bunkers?
Well, let's take another win for James Allen, having successfully created a 100% awesome book. Give the man a hand. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to write him a letter.


Comic Conspiracy Theories - New Warriors Movie?

I sure hope Spencer Carnage is reading this one, seem right up his alley.

I got a very surprising email today. Came from an anonymous emailer with the address of "goatcheese47@dodgeit.com" (dodgeit.com apparently being a throw-away email service of some kind). The title was simply "New Warriors Movie", and the email contained 4 pictures. I present them to you with no changes made and no conjecture as to what they represent:

Now, I don't know about you, but that looks a whole heck of a lot like Night Thrasher to me.


Have you seen this new X-Force?

So, if you've been reading Marvel comics over the past month or so, there's a good chance you've come across an advert talking about the new X-Force series. I have to say, I was a bit iffy about it at first, just based on the line-up of team members. Let's take a look at who we've got.

Wolverine: WHAT? He's on another team? What is that now, 4? I think this just goes to further support my theory that he is a skrull. If nothing else, the guy is really passionate about his work. Who's busier, Superman or Aquaman? Answer: Wolverine.

X-23: Ok, so Wolverine AND Lady Wolverine? I don't even know what to say about this.

Wolfsbane: She's a werewolf. Just a werewolf. Which, I wasn't aware could be counted as a "mutant power". But, get this, the chick says stuff like "Ye" all the fuckin time. She's like Thor, but with more hair and a better rack. She's ok in my book.

Warpath: Think Apache Chief without cool "grow powers". Warpath basically just runs around with knives as a mutant power. But, he's got potential to seriously fuck up some baddies, so I gotta say he's ok by me.

Caliban: The coolest mutant ever, Nuff Said. Oh, also he already died, so forget him.

So, out of 4 remaining members, really none of them interest me all that much as far as dialogue/back story goes. But I'm still going to buy it.

Why, you ask? Because 3 of the characters have claws that can slash people up, and the one who doesn't carries around big fucking knives instead. That means a 75% chance that somewhere in this series someone is going to get stabbed right in the fucking face. Also, check out this art:

Pretty sweet, I must say.