Saddest Halloween Ever

So, today is Halloween. But it's not just any Halloween. Today is the...
I started working at my current job in January, so I'm not sure what my office's policy is on dressing up in costumes. It's been a tradition of mine to wear costumes every year since I got my first job. Let's take a quick look at my personal favorites in the history of me wearing costumes (unfortunately, I don't have actual pictures in digital form, so I've just had to find pictures of who the costume is based off of).

10/31/2000 - Juan Valdez:

This costume is probably the one that got me in the most trouble. I was working in a restaurant at this point, with most of the cooks being from Mexico or El Salvador. Needless to say, they didn't find a white kid with a big bushy moustache and sombrero dancing around with a can of coffee very funny.

10/31/2006 - Mighty Max:
You guys remember Mighty Max? If you don't, let me describe the joys of this phenomenal toy. Mighty Max was basically a pocket-sized playset where you had a little figure (Max, obviously) who battled werewolves, mummies, giant scorpions, and other scary stuff (WARNING! TWO OF THE PREVIOUS LINKS ARE TERRIFYING, ONE IS ADORABLE! ONCE YOU CLICK YOU CANNOT UNCLICK!). I used to play the hell out of those tiny little playsets as a child, so I decided to pay tribute to it by making a costume based of the main character. Unfortunately, nobody at the insurance company I worked for got the reference, so I spent the majority of that day at work explaining the concept of the toys to people instead of working. Then I got fired. No joke.

So, you'd think, what with losing my job and all, last year HAD to have been the
but it wasn't! This one was far worse!

10/31/2007 - fuck fuck fuck:
So, this year I decided to play it safe. I had originally planned on making a really badass superhero costume, but I feared being that guy. You know, that guy who shows up to the office dressed in the chicken costume only to find that nobody else is in a costume and then they start laughing at him, so he starts crying and runs off to hide in the bathroom. But, oh shit, he accidentally ran into the women's bathroom! and everyone saw it! now he's a guy in a chicken suit who is in the ladies room! shit shit shit! what am I going to do? If i go out there, everyone is going to laugh some more. But if I stay in here, they're just going to wonder if i'm in her crying or something. shit. the guys are never going to let me live this down. fuck. what am i going to do...

and then, to escape the torment, he drank the clorox from under the sink.

He fucking died. That poor man killed himself out of sheer embarassment. And you know what, somebody had to explain that to his wife and son. Little Jimmy didn't know how to cope. He slowly became withdrawn from his mother and began doing drugs. One year later, little Jimmy, strung out on coke, ran headlong into a busy intersection and was struck by a car. His mother, now all alone in a great big house spends her days sitting on the bed staring at a picture of the husband she loved so much, but whom she could never again feel the warm touch of his hands. She will never be the same.

So, i didn't want to be that guy. So, i decided to play it safe and have a costume that would be easy to change into regular working clothes if i saw that embarrassing situations were arising. My choice?
Phil Ken Sebben. The boss from the show Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law on [adultswim]. Basically the easiest costume ever for an office worker to pull off. It's a simple process!

  1. Get dressed for work
  2. Put on eyepatch
Pretty easy, am I right my friends? Not only that, it means you get to wear an eyepatch! I think we're all aware that eyepatches are the pinnacle of badassitude. But don't take my word for it, ask Dave Campbell. The man will tell you!

Well, I bought an eyepatch the other day at the local costume shop. Costume completed, I didn't think about it at all until this morning arrived. This was when I learned that the eyepatch I had bought from this costume shop was a shitty piece of shit. It broke as soon as I put it on. But, I figured I could fix it when i got to the office. So I put it in my pocket, or at least, I thought I did. But apparently I missed my pocket entirely and put it somewhere in the vicinity of who the fuck knows where.

But, I'm jumping ahead of myself. There was much more suckassness before I got to the office. Because, not only is today Halloween, but it's Wednesday (A.K.A. New Comic Day). Unfortunately, today is
For the past, oh, let's say three weeks, i've been chomping at the bit waiting to get my hands on Avengers: The Initiative #7. According to Marvel, it was supposed to be in stores today.
Written by DAN SLOTT
Pencils & Cover by STEFANO CASELLI
Rated T+…$2.99
FOC—10/11/07, On-Sale 10/31/07
To find a comic shop near you, call 1-888-comicbook
But, no dice. Instead, what Marvel had to offer me today was a big stinky shit pile of nothing. It makes me think that they got my letter (which, i might add, i sent, but i totally forgot to take those pictures of), and Stan Lee personally decided to piss all over my hopes and dreams.

So, no new A:TI, no eyepatch, I'm left at work looking like an overdressed putz.

I wonder if it's too late to declare Doom as my master.

1 comment:

David Campbell said...

It's never too late for Doom.