Let me begin by thanking you for all the truly entertaining and masterfully written comics you have put out over the years, as well as the ones written by Brian Michael Bendis. I have been a lifelong fan of Marvel comics, and will continue to read until I am ultimately sucked into an alternate time-stream. I have always considered your company to be the superior comic publisher, and have gladly spent money purchasing your comics, video games, and other merchandise.
However, recently, I have become concerned that perhaps I’m not contributing enough. I recently purchased a copy of the Essential Classic X-Men Volume 2 trade paperback, and was shocked to find that after only 3 days of owning it, the glue of the binding had given and the cover had fallen off. This frightens me. I had been under the impression that, since your company invents durable materials like Adamantium, you had stockpiles of it available to create sturdy book bindings. However, now I realize that this is not the case. I can only assume that my worst fears have been realized, and you’ve wasted so much money publishing the New Avengers series that you can no longer afford proper glue for your trade paperbacks.
Enclosed, please find a one dollar bill. I am sending this in hopes that it will allow you more financial means to purchase a new bottle of Elmer’s® Glue. I know it isn’t much, but it is all I have left to give after spending the other $3.40 of my $4.40 weekly paycheck on a copy of New Avengers #34 and one postage stamp. I hope that my contribution has helped you in your time of financial struggle. Thank you for the years of great comics, except New Avengers.
Ryan W. Eldridge
Yep, I wrote that. Sure, I may have had too much scotch tonight, but everything in that letter is true (except for the $4.40 paycheck, i'm actually a multi-billionaire who has a double life as a superhero). Tomorrow, i'm going to mail it out. Don't want to believe I'm going to do it? Just wait until tomorrow, when I post the pictures of that whole mailing-the-letter situation. Let's just hope Marvel isn't too much of a fucking pussy to respond to my offer of aide. And, hell, if they were, at least it will give some poor shmuck at Marvel HQ a good laugh and a free dollar.
P.S. scotch tastes like doo doo.
P.P.S. I probably drink too much.
P.P.P.S. Yup. definitely too much.