So, you may be asking yourself, "Ok, Ryan, so you bought a comic. What's the sweet god damn deal?". Well, my friends, the sweet god damn deal is that this comic is cooler than solid gold fountain of magical poo poo. And that's pretty sweet. Just ask this guy.
See the excitement? The magical poo poo gleam in his eyes? That is a face you can trust. Magical poo poo fountains are pretty sweet indeed. But this comic is even better than that! It's like Solid Gold Fountain of Magical Poo Poo 2099!Now, i've been a fan of Daredevil ever since I was just a wee lad. I even stuck with him after that whole "Ben Affleck" incident. We have that kind of friendship. I watch his back, he watc- listens to mine. We're tight. So, I saw that this came out, and I bought it. The writing was good, I like the whole plot point of Daredevil having the flu through the whole issue and how it really humanizes the character. But i'm not here to be a serious critic and read into things like some sort of Monsieur Intelligentpantalons. I'm here to talk about the coolest motherfucker in the book. Black Tarantula.
Why the fuck have I never heard of this guy before? From what I can tell, he's only been in something like 14 comics, which is a surprise because he is a complete and total badass. Like, picture is Peter Parker and Frank Castle had some weird love child, who for some reason was spanish, that would be Black Tarantula. In fact, at least as far as his character in this book, he is almost exactly like a hispanic version of the Punisher.Black Tarantula is so badical he wouldn't even need to actually fight people to make them stop being criminals. I think it would go something like this.
Thug: Give me the purse, lady!
Old Lady: Help! Help! This ruffian is trying to steal my purse!
Black Tarantula: Hey, uh, what's going on here?
Thug: Oh, uh, hey Black Tarantula. I'm just uh, returning this ladies purse to her.
Black Tarantula: Really? Because it kinda sounded like maybe you were trying to steal it from her.
Thug: Me? No. I mean, I thought about stealing it. But you've really shown me the errors of my criminal lifestyle. I've decided to go back to school and try to get my GED. Then try to get a job working at the Wal-Mart or something. You know, really just get my life back on track.
Black Tarantula: Yeah? I'm really happy to hear that. You make me proud.
And then he kicks that thugs ass. Just for fun. That's how badass he is. He pats the kid on the back and gives him a big hug, then he just punches that dude right in the fucking mouth. Blood goes everywhere. The thug is left just lying there in a big, bloody heap in the alley while Black Tarantula helps that little old lady across the street.
Old Lady: Why, thank you, young man
I guess what I'd getting at is, 'Why is there no Black Tarantula series yet?'. There are so many possibilities for awesome team-ups with this guy. Now that he's trying to clean up the streets, he can team up with practically any hero. He's a good guy, so by default he can fight along-side Spider-Man and Wolverine (it's pretty much required), but his pension for violence would suit him easily with the Punisher for a while.
The possibilities are out there, i'm just saying. Come on Marvel, don't be a pussy.
No comments:
Post a Comment