What's the deal with Uatu, the watcher? Every time I see this guy, all I can think is
I imagine the situation as thus: two guys (let's call them Stan and Jack) are sitting around having some brewskies or smoking the dope or whatever menace was endangering our nation's youth back in 1963. They had a great idea for a Fantastic Four comic. How great you ask? Well, luckily I've managed to procure these archaic instant messenger logs from that fated day. Yes, that's right Marvelites, Stan Lee and Jack Kirby used instant messengers years before the personal computer. They are that fucking cool. Let's have a look shall we?
Smilin_Stan69: Dude, what's up?
JollyJackK: Nothing man, just having a brewskie
Smilin_Stan69: Word, I'm smoking the dope. I had a great idea for FF #13. How about they go to Atlantis, but when they get there, it's on fire!
JollyJackK: Eh, that's not bad, but how about something with ghosts? We haven't done much about ghosts.
Smilin_Stan69: Ghosts? I dunno, I think the four are too scientific for all that magic and ghost stuff. Let's do something in space!
JollyJackK: Oh, dude, holy crap. BEST. IDEA. EVER....
JollyJackK: A ghost on the moon!
JollyJackK: and get this......
JollyJackK: space babies!
Smilin_Stan69: holy fuck. meet me at the office in half an hour.
And thus, Uatu was born. And ever since then, he has creeped me right the fuck out. I mean, he's a giant space baby. He lives in an anaerobic environment. How the fuck does he do that? If that's not scary, I don't know what is. Not to mention that he watches everything.
It's not like the guy pops in every now and then to make sure everything is ok. No, his whole purpose in life is to watch us ALL THE TIME! That time you stole 5 dollars from your grandma's purse. Uatu saw that. and he isn't happy about it.
But I think we all see the real creep factor behind Uatu's existence. Yes, dear readers, it is what you're thinking of...
Good luck getting it up with that thought. Next time you're making sticky buns with your self-respecting lad or lady, I want you to think of Uatu with his big, freaky, space baby head. His big, glassy eyes glaring at you from the depths of space with a sick, knowing smile across his mouth. Sure, he could be keeping an eye on the current state of the various wars in the world, but he like to watch you work. It pleases him, and one day he hopes you will grow to love him as much as he loves you.