Even more U.S. 1

So, I don't mean to harp on and on about this U.S. 1 comic before I have actually read it, but this is important. I was talking with my buddy Chris Sims tonight. The subject of U.S. 1 and all of it's awesomeness came up. This was when I realized it. The main character, Ulysses Solomon Archer, is Bizarro Power Man. Let's take a look:So, there you have it. Coincidence? Perhaps. But I think it's obvious to everyone here that those tight jeans are awesome.

U.S. 1

So, I was reading over at Blogzarro today, and came across a beautiful gem of a comic called US 1. The comic is basically about a guy who drives a semi truck in space or something equally as fucking nuts. Everything about these books screams hilarity, and I cannot wait to go buy them. What makes this comic series sound so good, you ask? Let's look at the cover of the very first issue.
Not only does this comic feature:

A) a man in a headband (twice!)
B) what appears to be a werewolf getting struck by lightning
C) a semi truck driving off of a cliff

It has all that plus HIGH ADVENTURE TRUCKING DOWN THE HIGHWAY! That is what makes this comic undeniably cool. HIGH ADVENTURE TRUCKING DOWN THE HIGHWAY is all it takes to turn a comic from potentially lame to absolutely, melt-your-face-off fantastic! Let's try a graphical explanation.As you can clearly see, Amethyst Princess of Gemworld #10 looks pretty lame (however, it is in fact one of the greatest comics ever written, but we'll save that for later). Looks lame, that is, until you add HIGH ADVENTURE TRUCKING DOWN THE HIGHWAY! See the difference it makes? It works with everything. Try it.

Daredevil Battles Hitler

Greetings Dear Readers,

I trust you all had a fun and eventful time with your family and friends this thanksgiving (unless you are a sad, friendless orphan, in which case I just made you feel terrible). Well, now that I've had an opportunity to recover from a long, turkey-induced coma, It's time for me to introduce you to what is quite possibly the greatest comic cover you'll ever see in your life.

Daredevil Battles Hitler #1

Now, this isn't the Daredevil most people associate with the name (he's the blue/red guy on ther , but really, he's basically the same character. Except instead of being a blind acrobat who beats people with sticks, he's a brightly-colored acrobat who throws boomerangs at Nazis. With me so far? Good. Now, let's take a look at the things that make this comic cover so great. I've taken the liberty of placing some handy labels.
Ok, so you can clearly see there are 4 points to this cover than make it so amazing.

#1 - Words are EXPLODING! Let's face it, on the list of things that are badass, explosions rank at least within the top five. (Just above a shark eating an alligator, but not quite as high as cyborg dinosaurs). Now normally when things explode in comics it's just stuff like cars, airplanes, buildings, and other things you'd expect. However, this comic is so badass that even the words, which are traditionally boring and not badass, are fucking blowing up everywhere! Trusted sources tell me that as soon as you open this comic, a real explosion goes off right in your face. Nobody who reads this comic ever survives.

Sweeeeeeet!

#2 - Giant Hitler. Ok, so we all know that Hitler is pretty much not cool. But, you have to admit, this guy was about as close to a real supervillain as we got during WW2, so to imagine the prospect of a Hitler that is 15 times the size of a normal Hitler, who is obviously about to pounce on your town is just fucking terrifying. However, this also goes to further illustrate how great of a hero Daredevil is. Giant Hitler is basically ready to just surrender to his awesomeness. It's obvious when looking at this cover that if we had really wanted to win World War 2, we should have just sent a clown to Germany to throw a boomerang at Hitler. Think about it, if Giant Hitler is scared of Daredevil, regular Hitler shits himself just knowing Daredevil is on the same planet!
#3 - Scary demon guy just standing there. I don't know what the fuck this guy is supposed to be, or why he's there in the first place, but he's obviously not really contributing to the fight. He's just sitting there staring at you. I think he serves as a warning for people about to buy the book.

Then we come to the fourth, and arguably greatest thing about this cover

#4 - A gun that shoots airplanes. I don't know how much more I need to say about this. It's a gun and it shoots out airplanes instead of bullets. Actually, it's more than just the gun. Let's zoom in on that whole situation.

Is that... oh my, I think it is. Is Archie battling Hitler? With a gun that shoots airplanes? I.... I just don't know what to say about how great that is.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

BONUS FEATURE: Cyborg Dinosaurs!

Double Time #2

Well, although I previously mentioned I wouldn't be posting a blog today, I figured why the hell not. Today, dear readers, is the day when I unveil a new feature here on Westchester Is For Lovers. Twenty-Five Cent Thursday! Like most comic shops, my local haunt has a $0.25 rack full of shitty and/or absolutely awesome comics that are either in too bad of condition to include in the back issues, or too off the fucking wall for any sane person to pay more than 25 cents for them. Lucky for you, i'm here to buy them for you. And then, I'll be blogging about my good finds here. Will it be a regularly occurring feature? Kinda. Probably not every week. Just whenever I find a good comic and get drunk enough to post about it. Will it be funny? Eh, probably not. but here it goes!

Today, we'll be talking about one of my favorite quarter rack finds so far.Double Time #2, published by Galactic Press.

Galactic Press is a publisher owned and operated by the fore-mentioned comic shop near my house. Before I talk about this comic, I want to put this out there (mostly in case my buddy Kyle, who owns the store is reading). I've read a lot of the stuff Galactic Press has put out, and I enjoy most of it. This one is just a... let's say special, exception.

Double Time #2 is actually 3 different stories inside one comic. Let's take a look at the headlining story first (since it appears first in the book). Our story opens with two dinosaurs (Parasaurolophus, actually) eating swamp water or something.
Sadly, this peaceful scene is interrupted by a T-Rex chasing two of the protagonists of the story-line. No real explanation at this point about how people and dinosaurs are in the same place at the same time (one can only assume that the greatest earthquake ever known plunged them down a thousand feet below). But, that's ok, because the story suddenly changes to something else. We see what appears to be a bunch of soldiers battling some other dinosaurs. This is where the true beauty of this scene comes into play. What is that beauty, you ask?
Exploding. Dinosaur. Faces. This story has so more exploding dinosaur faces than it does plot. Don't believe me? Let's check the next page. Oh, how strange. We were just talking about dinosplosions, and then there's another one on the very next page. What a happy coincidence. So, after that some stuff happens. We find out that there's a time portal that allows them to get back to dino days or something. They run through it, but the Rex follows. Who cares, none of that is why we're reading. We want more dinosplosions! Well, guess fucking what? They feed the T-Rex a grenade!
This is the best dinosplosion yet because, instead of being like:

"Ew, dinosaur brains everywhere"

They just hang out around it for the rest of the story. Just having a conversation while standing ankle-deep in T-Rex face juice. Best of all, at this most disgusting of all points in their story. Our two original protagonists (who are apparently named "richard" and "gina"*) have a romantic moment.
Greatest Story Ever? Pretty much. But there's still two more stories left in this masterpiece of modern comic bookery. What's next on our amazing journey?
Honestly, this story is fucking boring. To sum it up, post apocalyptic world, two people emerge from a hatch in the ground. blah blah blah. There's some 'deep' comment about how stupid nuclear war is. Basically what I'm saying is no dinosplosions. However we do get this gem of a panel:Awwww Yeah! I think you guys know what that means. In case you missed it, let's zoom in...

Again, I state: Awwww Yeah! That is the kind of "hand on the ass, gazing lovingly through the facemask" action that says:

"If we weren't wearing the spacesuits (and if we were living in a life-supporting, non-radioactive atmosphere) we'd totally be knocking space-boots right now."

It's so hot I'm tempted to go write Alen/Eva fan fiction right now. Other than that, not much of interest. Moving on, we get to the third and final story of the comic.The Tower is yet another post-apocalyptic storyline. This one centers around some guy who lives in a tower with a bunch of guns and shoot radioactive mutants for fun. Then one day, as he's looking through some fancy viewfinder (which, i'm not going to point out, is really sophisticated technology for something that survived a nuclear war) (oh shit, i just pointed it out). Good Lord, indeed sir. A girl, which is pretty much better than gold in the post-apocalyptic world. So he runs out there and kills him some mutants and brings this lady back to..
for some Alen/Eva style lovin. She grabs her boobs (no really. check it)They make outbut, Oh Shit!, then this happens!he's left with no choice but to bust a cap (i guess that counts as a boobsplosion?)
she falls off

and then, he stifles Manly Tears!THE END!

The hardest part about that last story was figure out which panels not to include. The whole story is just so great. It's like if Frank Miller published a comic that he wrote and drew in 7th grade detention (except significantly less homoerotic).

In conclusion. I don't know who this James Allen guy is who wrote this comic, but I want to thank him. Thank you for writing such a wonderful comic. It brings me so many great laughs every time I read it, even if that's not what you intended when you wrote it. I know I picked it to hell, but I really do think this is one of the greatest comics I own.

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody.

* = I swear to god, I did not make up the fact that the two main characters names can be read as "Dick" and "Gina"

Day Before Thanksgiving Cop-out post

Well, according to our good buddy Bushmaster up there in the old banner space, it's thanksgiving. Which means i'm going to be heading out of town into the harsh, non-broadband connected, universe that is my grandmother's house to stuff my face. So, instead of attempting to succesfully compose a wonderful bloggety masterpiece for you on her zooming-fast AOL 7.0, i'm just going to put up a cop-out youtube post before I leave my office for the night. This thing almost looks like this is the way it was supposed to be made!



On a side note, if anyone knows where I can find a reasonably priced copy of the old Captain America movie, please let me know!

Earthquakes, Pillow Fights, and Exploding Motorcycles

Greetings, Dear Reader! It seems that today we stand face-to-face with another Sunday, and that can only mean it's time for another traditional Drunk Sunday Post! Today we will be reviewing one of my favorite Silver Age titles, World's Finest # 215, put out by DC Comics in 1973. I know what you're thinking...
What How!?! indeed Sir, but, I have been known to read a good DC every now and again (in fact, I am quite a big fan of the new Green Arrow/Black canary series). But, I digress. Today we'll be talking about something other than that comic I just mentioned. In fact, we'll be talking about that first one! You know, the World's Finest one I said earlier.

Let's start our review, by showing just how great a concept this comic has. Just take a look at the cover!
Apparently, both Superman AND Batman have teenage sons, who we've never hear about ever. And, I think we all know how teenagers are. Always trying to be independent of their 'square' parents. Unless of course, they're these kids. In this particular case, they basically want to "run their own lives" by being exactly the same as their dads. Namely, by being big, pompous douche-bags.

Page one opens with our heroes stifling 'manly tears' at a funeral. But a funeral for whom? This question remains to be answered! Our story really starts with a young Clark Kent Jr., talking to his father on the phone while at work at the local community center. His old man is giving him the usual "I can't let you be like me, because it's dangerous and your mom would totally freak the hell out" speech. Total Squaresville. Then, out of left field, a motorcycle crashes through the window, and the community center is attacked by none other thanSatan's Sockers themselves! That's right, the most hardcore motorcycle gang in all of Metropolis is busting through your window CK Jr., and they're gonna really sock it to ya! So, instead of allowing the Satan's Sockers to so it to him!, CK Jr. decides to admit to being romantically involved with a five year old child. Don't ask me how this got past the Comics Code Authority, I don't know.
Lil' Superman kicks their asses, blah blah blah. Enter Bruce Wayne Jr. Same story here, but instead of working in a community center trying to make a differen,ce he;s just a rich asshole who has daddy issues. They both hook up and run off together to complain about how the man is holding them down. This leaves Superman and Batman Sr. with a big problem on their hands. They have to figure out something to do with their problem children. They decide the best thing they can do is to sit their children down and calmly explain the dangers of being a superhero and hope that their son's understand and decide to hold of on taking that responsibility until they are better able to handle it. The End.

Oh wait, sorry, that was a typo. What I meant to say is they decide that the only thing to do is put their sons in grave, life-threatening danger where they are almost certain to be killed. And just fucking leave them. So, that's what they did. They consult Batman's 'Crime File', which is just apparently a huge drawer stuck somewhere in his house with the word 'Crime File' printed right there on it.
Anywho, the consult the Crime File and learn that Rocco Krugge, the crime lord of Sparta City is getting ready to die. They figure they can send the kids there to 'finish the job' if you know what I mean. You know, maybe Rocco wakes up to find someone accidentally smothered him to death with a pillow. Something like that.

Of course, Supes, being the dick that he is, "improves" on Batty's plan by creating a duplicate version of Sparta City through some confusing comic book science that involves earthquakes or something. But, it works, which is all that matters. The kids go to town on their rebellious motorcycle and thwart some baddies for a while (implementing such sound effects as "WHOOOOOOOSSSSSSHH", "TSOK", and "KWAN"). Then, they take a quick break to have a pillow fight. Seriously. They do.This is shortly followed by a dramatic scene where they ride an exploding motorcycle. Then GASP!, they're both captured by the crime lord Rocco and Superman Jr. (the actual superhero name he chose. he and Batman Jr. don't beat around the bush) is trapped under a bunch of cement with a resounding SPOOOOOOOSH. He and Batman Jr. both die. So long Supes and Batty Jr.

But then something amazing happens! A woman makes a suggestion, and Superman listens! Of course, to defend his manliness, it's only to keep he and Batman from being nagged, as you see in this panel

Translation: Bitches is bitches.

So as you might imagine, Supes Sr. gets all distraught and is like "OMG, Batty is gonna be so P.O.'d at me!". Luckily, as you also probably might imagine, they're not really dead. No really good explanation on how that occurred, but they win and the bad guy loses. Then those to scamps ride off into the sunset on their motorcycle (which, mysteriously, repaired itself since the "explody-motorcycle" panel earlier). All in all, this comic ranks up there with the best of the best. The only thing it's really missing is a panel showing batman on his knees in the rain screaming "NOOOOOOO"!

but, close enough.

It's New Comic Day!

Well, it's another Wednesday here at WIFL HQ, which means it's New Comic Day yet again! Luckily, this one is slightly better than the last one I wrote about. Slightly.

So, what's on my list of 'stuff I bought on this new comic day' (not a real list)? Let's have a little peek, shall we?

Avengers: The Initiative #7

This is one i've been waiting to get my hands on for a while. It was supposed to come out a few weeks ago, but got delayed for some reason. But now it's here, and I have to say this issue has me nervous. The plot is starting to get good and complicated and there are a whole lot of good plot twists, which means one of two things:

A) It's going to be a wonderful masterpiece of a series
B) It's going to suck worse than LOST

I hope to Gog it's the first one. I also want to add, while not dishing out spoilers, totally saw the real identity of the scarlet spiders coming, but they played it well. On another note, can someone explain the comic book science that says putting a dead body in jell-o jigglers will preserve it? I'm dying to try it!

Punisher War Journal #13

I haven't read this one yet, because somehow Issue #12 was released without anyone informing me. I saw one issue once. Never seen it on store shelves, ever. Normally, wouldn't bother me, I can just pick up on little bits of what I missed while reading the next issue, but I have an odd feeling that a battle with the Hulk in what appears to be a model city (either that, or this is the greatest use of Pym's Particles ever written) has to be a pretty major plot point.
Not exactly something I'm ready to just breeze over quite yet. Gotta hunt through some of the other not-so-local shops to find a copy. Hopefully a good review of both tomorrow.

X-Factor #25 (Messiah CompleX crossover)

Another one I haven't read yet. Similarly to the last one. The 2nd installment was last week's release of Uncanny X-Men #492, but I couldn't make it out to the shop to get it, so I decided to wait until this week and just buy both. Unfortunately Messiah CompleX is apparently the hot fucking shit, so that issue went in like 2 days. Once my buddy kyle over at my local shop restocks that issue, I will buy it and read both.

Lastly we come to a series I've actually enjoyed so far:
Green Arrow and Black Canary #2
I'm not going to go too far into this, because I want to write a bigger review of both issues of the series. But if you've ever wondered what sound an Amazonian's face makes when it meets Black Canary's fist, that sounds is CRACK!

Well, that's it for new comics on New Comics Day. Hope you enjoyed reading not-funnies.