Communist Liberals like Chris "Baby Killer" Sims will tell you that Senator Barack Obama is the only logical choice for the President of the United States of America.
They'll tell you that John McCain is unfit to run this country.
I say bullshit. Because who wouldn't want a president that can do this?
What's that? You say that's John McClane?
Oh, nevermind then.
(p.s. Vote)
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holidays. Show all posts
2008-11-03
2008-09-26
HAPPY BIRTHDAY WIFL!
Well, today marks the one year birthday of Westchester Is For Lovers. Have a slice of delicious Wolverine cake, won't you?
2008-08-13
2008-08-03
Extreme New Comic Day Makeover: Home Edition- 07/30/2008
Ok, I'm a few days behind schedule here, but I'm having to pull a long shift at my office and finally have a chance to review this weeks comics. This was a pretty decent week for comics, what with the new Blue Beetle and Wolverine, not to mention the launch of the new Skrulls vs Power Pack series. And, as you may have noticed, I've been trying to fit one new-to-me series into my pull list every week, based on suggestions from my fellow bloggers (or readers, post a suggestion in the comments!). This week's recommended buy was Green Lantern #33. Hey look! A list!
BLUE BEETLE #29
Another fun issue for this series. I don't really understand the need to include the new werewolf villain at the start of the story, since he never really ties into the rest of the plot for this issue. Hopefully they'll bring that storyline back around again, because it could be pretty interesting. But, I suppose super-powered illegal immigrants will have to do for now.
FANTASTIC FOUR: TRUE STORY # 1
A large part of me wants to say this book sucks out loud. The art looks very much like something by James Allen, and the dialog is terrifyingly unnatural. But the plotline of this story is really freaking fun. Enough so that it kind of makes up for the shitty parts. I'd say it's definitely worth a read, but I don't know if I'd recommend actually spending the money for it.
GREEN LANTERN #33
According to Stephen, this story is perfect. So, I decided to give it a shot, and, well, he was right. This book is pretty damn good, and this is coming from someone who doesn't really care much about the subject matter. Don't get me wrong, I dig the Green Lantern in concept, but I've never found a GL story that has kept me entertained enough to keep up with. This one, though, is not half bad. It makes me curious enough to go back and buy a few back issues to catch up on the story.
SECRET INVASION FANTASTIC FOUR #3(OF 3)
And thus marks the end of one of the only good Secret Invasion tie-ins that I've really enjoyed. This one is mostly the backstory of why Lyja re-joined the skrull army, why she came back to teleport everyone to the Negative Zone, and why she's got emotional issues. The moral? Don't date foreign chicks.
SKRULLS VS. POWER PACK # 1
Let's be honest, Power Pack is one of the worst ideas in comics history. There's just something about a bunch of kids with stupid superhero names like "smarty pants" that really makes me wonder what the folks at marvel are thinking when approving these stories. Granted, I understand that this book is meant to be geared for a much younger audience than myself, but I think it's safe to say that I'm usually a pretty big fan of kid-friendly books. And I still think this book is bad. It's not just bad because it's for kids, it's just bad because there's nothing else it can be. But I think I might be completely wrong. See, the next issue of this series is called "Universal Gangstaz", and features the team with gold teeth and big chains, so logic would dictate that this series is slamtastic. This is the series that should have taken Power Pack out of the land of camp and into the future as a team of angsty super-powered high school kids. But instead we get yawnsville. Regardless, I choose to remain in blissful ignorance until the next issue.
TRUE BELIEVERS # 1
This is a comic book in which a group of super-powered digilantes (that's digital vigilantes, for those of you not up to date on words I just made up that are immensely popular with today's youth). Anyways, it's about a bunch of super-powered digilantes who bust up an LSD-powered bikini girl fight club run by a group of politicians and fortune 500 CEO's who enjoy dressing like super heroes. Yeah, you read that right. I've still not really heard anything about this series before or since reading the issue, so I'm not 100% on how it ties into continuity, but the book is pretty damn cool. I'll be giving it shot, and I recommend you do the same!
BLUE BEETLE #29Another fun issue for this series. I don't really understand the need to include the new werewolf villain at the start of the story, since he never really ties into the rest of the plot for this issue. Hopefully they'll bring that storyline back around again, because it could be pretty interesting. But, I suppose super-powered illegal immigrants will have to do for now.
FANTASTIC FOUR: TRUE STORY # 1A large part of me wants to say this book sucks out loud. The art looks very much like something by James Allen, and the dialog is terrifyingly unnatural. But the plotline of this story is really freaking fun. Enough so that it kind of makes up for the shitty parts. I'd say it's definitely worth a read, but I don't know if I'd recommend actually spending the money for it.
GREEN LANTERN #33According to Stephen, this story is perfect. So, I decided to give it a shot, and, well, he was right. This book is pretty damn good, and this is coming from someone who doesn't really care much about the subject matter. Don't get me wrong, I dig the Green Lantern in concept, but I've never found a GL story that has kept me entertained enough to keep up with. This one, though, is not half bad. It makes me curious enough to go back and buy a few back issues to catch up on the story.
SECRET INVASION FANTASTIC FOUR #3(OF 3)And thus marks the end of one of the only good Secret Invasion tie-ins that I've really enjoyed. This one is mostly the backstory of why Lyja re-joined the skrull army, why she came back to teleport everyone to the Negative Zone, and why she's got emotional issues. The moral? Don't date foreign chicks.
SKRULLS VS. POWER PACK # 1Let's be honest, Power Pack is one of the worst ideas in comics history. There's just something about a bunch of kids with stupid superhero names like "smarty pants" that really makes me wonder what the folks at marvel are thinking when approving these stories. Granted, I understand that this book is meant to be geared for a much younger audience than myself, but I think it's safe to say that I'm usually a pretty big fan of kid-friendly books. And I still think this book is bad. It's not just bad because it's for kids, it's just bad because there's nothing else it can be. But I think I might be completely wrong. See, the next issue of this series is called "Universal Gangstaz", and features the team with gold teeth and big chains, so logic would dictate that this series is slamtastic. This is the series that should have taken Power Pack out of the land of camp and into the future as a team of angsty super-powered high school kids. But instead we get yawnsville. Regardless, I choose to remain in blissful ignorance until the next issue.
TRUE BELIEVERS # 1This is a comic book in which a group of super-powered digilantes (that's digital vigilantes, for those of you not up to date on words I just made up that are immensely popular with today's youth). Anyways, it's about a bunch of super-powered digilantes who bust up an LSD-powered bikini girl fight club run by a group of politicians and fortune 500 CEO's who enjoy dressing like super heroes. Yeah, you read that right. I've still not really heard anything about this series before or since reading the issue, so I'm not 100% on how it ties into continuity, but the book is pretty damn cool. I'll be giving it shot, and I recommend you do the same!
2007-12-31
it's 2008, bitches!
Well, it's midnight i'm stuck sitting here in my office on new years day. Not supposed to get off work for a few more hours. Oh, also, It's a new fucking year, mother fuckers!
So, what is a comic blogger to do on new years? Why, make resolutions of course. So, here they are, my:
Comic blogging resolutions for 2008!
1. Stop using so many stupid tags on my posts. Seriously, I have like, a zillion of them that I've only really used once. I need to narrow it down to about 10-15 good ones.
2. Stop talking so much smack about Bendis. I mean, sure he sucks out loud, but that doesn't mean I have to talk about it all the time, right? But if I'm going to stop doing that i'll have to...
3. Stop buying New Avengers and Mighty Avengers. I mean, am I the only one who has no fucking clue what the hell is going on in Mighty Avengers? Every time I read an issue, I feel like half the comic accidentally fell out of the book. Or, perhaps someone stole it!
4. Do anything I can to track down and subsequently write a short story about the guy from Brooklyn who, last night, found my blog by googling "wolverine nude", and then proceeded to further search my blog for the word "nude". Subsequently...
5. Make many more posts about wolverine, as it seems that 75% of all my web traffic comes in the form of people looking for pictures of wolverine on google.
6. Get off my lazy ass and finally get working on that Amazing Bag-Man costume I've been thinking about making for years.
7. And, finally, buy and read every possible issue of any comic containing The Badger. I just finished reading Badger Saves The World #1, and it is so damn good. You should read it too.
What about you? What are YOUR resolutions?
So, what is a comic blogger to do on new years? Why, make resolutions of course. So, here they are, my:
Comic blogging resolutions for 2008!
1. Stop using so many stupid tags on my posts. Seriously, I have like, a zillion of them that I've only really used once. I need to narrow it down to about 10-15 good ones.
2. Stop talking so much smack about Bendis. I mean, sure he sucks out loud, but that doesn't mean I have to talk about it all the time, right? But if I'm going to stop doing that i'll have to...
3. Stop buying New Avengers and Mighty Avengers. I mean, am I the only one who has no fucking clue what the hell is going on in Mighty Avengers? Every time I read an issue, I feel like half the comic accidentally fell out of the book. Or, perhaps someone stole it!
4. Do anything I can to track down and subsequently write a short story about the guy from Brooklyn who, last night, found my blog by googling "wolverine nude", and then proceeded to further search my blog for the word "nude". Subsequently...
5. Make many more posts about wolverine, as it seems that 75% of all my web traffic comes in the form of people looking for pictures of wolverine on google.
6. Get off my lazy ass and finally get working on that Amazing Bag-Man costume I've been thinking about making for years.
7. And, finally, buy and read every possible issue of any comic containing The Badger. I just finished reading Badger Saves The World #1, and it is so damn good. You should read it too.
What about you? What are YOUR resolutions?
2007-12-25
Sweet Christmas Coverage! vol. 6
Eh, I give up. Turns out when you go to work on Christmas, you still have to actually work. Can't just waste the day surfing the internet and making hourly blog posts.
Also, I kind of just started watching South Park and forgot.
So, here's one last post for today, with all it's chain-belt wearing glory!
Also, I kind of just started watching South Park and forgot.
So, here's one last post for today, with all it's chain-belt wearing glory!
SWEET CHRISTMAS FUTURE!
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!
Sweet Christmas Coverage! vol.5
Never Forget.
Man, 12 posts in one day is a lot harder that I thought it would be.
Sweet Christmas Coverage! vol.3
Hour 3 is when we learn that Santa doesn't appreciate his so-called "friends"
Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. And he's kind of a jerk.
Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. And he's kind of a jerk.
Sweet Christmas Coverage! vol.2
Coming at you again with what is, perhaps, the scariest combination of kitties and Christmas ever!
Sweet Christmas Coverage! vol.1
Twas the morning of Christmas, I was stuck at my work
for no real reason, 'cept my boss is a jerk
Heh. Just kidding Jeff, just needed something to rhyme with work. So yeah, 7AM, here I am. Hungover. Stuck at work. On Christmas. For the next 12 hours. But you know what, Dear Reader? Lucky you, that's what! Because 12 is also the amount of posts i'm going to do today! That's right, today is the perfect day for me to begin my
SWEET CHRISTMAS COVERAGE!
Every hour, on the hour, I'll be posting a new Christmas-themed post for your reading pleasure. First up on the menu?
Kneel Before Klaus!
This panel comes to us from the pages of Badger #70, and from our friends over at Random-Happenstance
for no real reason, 'cept my boss is a jerk
Heh. Just kidding Jeff, just needed something to rhyme with work. So yeah, 7AM, here I am. Hungover. Stuck at work. On Christmas. For the next 12 hours. But you know what, Dear Reader? Lucky you, that's what! Because 12 is also the amount of posts i'm going to do today! That's right, today is the perfect day for me to begin my
SWEET CHRISTMAS COVERAGE!
Every hour, on the hour, I'll be posting a new Christmas-themed post for your reading pleasure. First up on the menu?
Kneel Before Klaus!This panel comes to us from the pages of Badger #70, and from our friends over at Random-Happenstance
2007-11-28
The great pilgrim conspiracy
No, this isn't a post about this kind of pilgrim, though I have a feeling that he may be related to this terrible conspiracy against me.
I'm talking about the other kind of pilgrim. The kind that wears silly hats with buckles on them. I mean the bad kind of pilgrim!
So, by now you're probably asking yourself, "what is this crazy pilgrim conspiracy against Ryan?". Well, I'll tell you. They don't want me to know what happens next in Messiah CompleX.
I went to my local comic shop today. Messiah CompleX chapter 5 was sitting right there on a table. I picked it up and carried it to the counter and the guy said the worst thing i've heard all week.
"I can't sell you that until tomorrow"
I thought it was bad when my parents told me my little brother had been eaten by a cougar while waiting for the school bus on Monday morning, but knowing that I can't buy comics on New Comics Day makes that seem so trivial.
So, what's the deal? I'll tell you what's the deal. You know those people we call the pilgrims? Do they remind you of anyone else? Let's say, maybe these guys?
Crazy, religious group? Check. Loves ruining peoples day? Check. I don't need any more proof than that to make me a believer. The Pilgrims were Purifiers and they made Thanksgiving so that they could track down the mutant messiah in secret. Also it means that I'm the Mutant Messiah! It does! Sweet!
When you're done having your mind blown, you might want to get yourself to a hospital.
I'm talking about the other kind of pilgrim. The kind that wears silly hats with buckles on them. I mean the bad kind of pilgrim!
So, by now you're probably asking yourself, "what is this crazy pilgrim conspiracy against Ryan?". Well, I'll tell you. They don't want me to know what happens next in Messiah CompleX.
I went to my local comic shop today. Messiah CompleX chapter 5 was sitting right there on a table. I picked it up and carried it to the counter and the guy said the worst thing i've heard all week.
"I can't sell you that until tomorrow"
I thought it was bad when my parents told me my little brother had been eaten by a cougar while waiting for the school bus on Monday morning, but knowing that I can't buy comics on New Comics Day makes that seem so trivial.
So, what's the deal? I'll tell you what's the deal. You know those people we call the pilgrims? Do they remind you of anyone else? Let's say, maybe these guys?
Crazy, religious group? Check. Loves ruining peoples day? Check. I don't need any more proof than that to make me a believer. The Pilgrims were Purifiers and they made Thanksgiving so that they could track down the mutant messiah in secret. Also it means that I'm the Mutant Messiah! It does! Sweet!When you're done having your mind blown, you might want to get yourself to a hospital.
2007-11-22
Double Time #2
Well, although I previously mentioned I wouldn't be posting a blog today, I figured why the hell not. Today, dear readers, is the day when I unveil a new feature here on Westchester Is For Lovers. Twenty-Five Cent Thursday! Like most comic shops, my local haunt has a $0.25 rack full of shitty and/or absolutely awesome comics that are either in too bad of condition to include in the back issues, or too off the fucking wall for any sane person to pay more than 25 cents for them. Lucky for you, i'm here to buy them for you. And then, I'll be blogging about my good finds here. Will it be a regularly occurring feature? Kinda. Probably not every week. Just whenever I find a good comic and get drunk enough to post about it. Will it be funny? Eh, probably not. but here it goes!
Galactic Press is a publisher owned and operated by the fore-mentioned comic shop near my house. Before I talk about this comic, I want to put this out there (mostly in case my buddy Kyle, who owns the store is reading). I've read a lot of the stuff Galactic Press has put out, and I enjoy most of it. This one is just a... let's say special, exception.
Double Time #2 is actually 3 different stories inside one comic. Let's take a look at the headlining story first (since it appears first in the book). Our story opens with two dinosaurs (Parasaurolophus, actually) eating swamp water or something.
Sadly, this peaceful scene is interrupted by a T-Rex chasing two of the protagonists of the story-line. No real explanation at this point about how people and dinosaurs are in the same place at the same time (one can only assume that the greatest earthquake ever known plunged them down a thousand feet below). But, that's ok, because the story suddenly changes to something else. We see what appears to be a bunch of soldiers battling some other dinosaurs. This is where the true beauty of this scene comes into play. What is that beauty, you ask?
Exploding. Dinosaur. Faces. This story has so more exploding dinosaur faces than it does plot. Don't believe me? Let's check the next page.
Oh, how strange. We were just talking about dinosplosions, and then there's another one on the very next page. What a happy coincidence. So, after that some stuff happens. We find out that there's a time portal that allows them to get back to dino days or something. They run through it, but the Rex follows. Who cares, none of that is why we're reading. We want more dinosplosions! Well, guess fucking what? They feed the T-Rex a grenade!
This is the best dinosplosion yet because, instead of being like:
"Ew, dinosaur brains everywhere"
They just hang out around it for the rest of the story. Just having a conversation while standing ankle-deep in T-Rex face juice. Best of all, at this most disgusting of all points in their story. Our two original protagonists (who are apparently named "richard" and "gina"*) have a romantic moment.
Greatest Story Ever? Pretty much. But there's still two more stories left in this masterpiece of modern comic bookery. What's next on our amazing journey?
Honestly, this story is fucking boring. To sum it up, post apocalyptic world, two people emerge from a hatch in the ground. blah blah blah. There's some 'deep' comment about how stupid nuclear war is. Basically what I'm saying is no dinosplosions. However we do get this gem of a panel:
Awwww Yeah! I think you guys know what that means. In case you missed it, let's zoom in...
Again, I state: Awwww Yeah! That is the kind of "hand on the ass, gazing lovingly through the facemask" action that says:
"If we weren't wearing the spacesuits (and if we were living in a life-supporting, non-radioactive atmosphere) we'd totally be knocking space-boots right now."
It's so hot I'm tempted to go write Alen/Eva fan fiction right now. Other than that, not much of interest. Moving on, we get to the third and final story of the comic.
The Tower is yet another post-apocalyptic storyline. This one centers around some guy who lives in a tower with a bunch of guns and shoot radioactive mutants for fun. Then one day, as he's looking through some fancy viewfinder (which, i'm not going to point out, is really sophisticated technology for something that survived a nuclear war) (oh shit, i just pointed it out).
Good Lord, indeed sir. A girl, which is pretty much better than gold in the post-apocalyptic world. So he runs out there and kills him some mutants and brings this lady back to..
for some Alen/Eva style lovin. She grabs her boobs (no really. check it)
They make out
but, Oh Shit!, then this happens!
he's left with no choice but to bust a cap (i guess that counts as a boobsplosion?)
she falls off 
and then, he stifles Manly Tears!
THE END!
The hardest part about that last story was figure out which panels not to include. The whole story is just so great. It's like if Frank Miller published a comic that he wrote and drew in 7th grade detention (except significantly less homoerotic).
In conclusion. I don't know who this James Allen guy is who wrote this comic, but I want to thank him. Thank you for writing such a wonderful comic. It brings me so many great laughs every time I read it, even if that's not what you intended when you wrote it. I know I picked it to hell, but I really do think this is one of the greatest comics I own.
Happy Thanksgiving Everybody.
* = I swear to god, I did not make up the fact that the two main characters names can be read as "Dick" and "Gina"
Today, we'll be talking about one of my favorite quarter rack finds so far.
Double Time #2, published by Galactic Press.
Double Time #2, published by Galactic Press.Galactic Press is a publisher owned and operated by the fore-mentioned comic shop near my house. Before I talk about this comic, I want to put this out there (mostly in case my buddy Kyle, who owns the store is reading). I've read a lot of the stuff Galactic Press has put out, and I enjoy most of it. This one is just a... let's say special, exception.
Double Time #2 is actually 3 different stories inside one comic. Let's take a look at the headlining story first (since it appears first in the book). Our story opens with two dinosaurs (Parasaurolophus, actually) eating swamp water or something.
Sadly, this peaceful scene is interrupted by a T-Rex chasing two of the protagonists of the story-line. No real explanation at this point about how people and dinosaurs are in the same place at the same time (one can only assume that the greatest earthquake ever known plunged them down a thousand feet below). But, that's ok, because the story suddenly changes to something else. We see what appears to be a bunch of soldiers battling some other dinosaurs. This is where the true beauty of this scene comes into play. What is that beauty, you ask?
Exploding. Dinosaur. Faces. This story has so more exploding dinosaur faces than it does plot. Don't believe me? Let's check the next page.
Oh, how strange. We were just talking about dinosplosions, and then there's another one on the very next page. What a happy coincidence. So, after that some stuff happens. We find out that there's a time portal that allows them to get back to dino days or something. They run through it, but the Rex follows. Who cares, none of that is why we're reading. We want more dinosplosions! Well, guess fucking what? They feed the T-Rex a grenade!
This is the best dinosplosion yet because, instead of being like:"Ew, dinosaur brains everywhere"
They just hang out around it for the rest of the story. Just having a conversation while standing ankle-deep in T-Rex face juice. Best of all, at this most disgusting of all points in their story. Our two original protagonists (who are apparently named "richard" and "gina"*) have a romantic moment.
Greatest Story Ever? Pretty much. But there's still two more stories left in this masterpiece of modern comic bookery. What's next on our amazing journey?
Honestly, this story is fucking boring. To sum it up, post apocalyptic world, two people emerge from a hatch in the ground. blah blah blah. There's some 'deep' comment about how stupid nuclear war is. Basically what I'm saying is no dinosplosions. However we do get this gem of a panel:
Awwww Yeah! I think you guys know what that means. In case you missed it, let's zoom in...
Again, I state: Awwww Yeah! That is the kind of "hand on the ass, gazing lovingly through the facemask" action that says:"If we weren't wearing the spacesuits (and if we were living in a life-supporting, non-radioactive atmosphere) we'd totally be knocking space-boots right now."
It's so hot I'm tempted to go write Alen/Eva fan fiction right now. Other than that, not much of interest. Moving on, we get to the third and final story of the comic.
The Tower is yet another post-apocalyptic storyline. This one centers around some guy who lives in a tower with a bunch of guns and shoot radioactive mutants for fun. Then one day, as he's looking through some fancy viewfinder (which, i'm not going to point out, is really sophisticated technology for something that survived a nuclear war) (oh shit, i just pointed it out).
Good Lord, indeed sir. A girl, which is pretty much better than gold in the post-apocalyptic world. So he runs out there and kills him some mutants and brings this lady back to..
for some Alen/Eva style lovin. She grabs her boobs (no really. check it)
They make out
but, Oh Shit!, then this happens!
he's left with no choice but to bust a cap (i guess that counts as a boobsplosion?)
she falls off 
and then, he stifles Manly Tears!
THE END!The hardest part about that last story was figure out which panels not to include. The whole story is just so great. It's like if Frank Miller published a comic that he wrote and drew in 7th grade detention (except significantly less homoerotic).
In conclusion. I don't know who this James Allen guy is who wrote this comic, but I want to thank him. Thank you for writing such a wonderful comic. It brings me so many great laughs every time I read it, even if that's not what you intended when you wrote it. I know I picked it to hell, but I really do think this is one of the greatest comics I own.
Happy Thanksgiving Everybody.
* = I swear to god, I did not make up the fact that the two main characters names can be read as "Dick" and "Gina"
2007-11-21
Day Before Thanksgiving Cop-out post
Well, according to our good buddy Bushmaster up there in the old banner space, it's thanksgiving. Which means i'm going to be heading out of town into the harsh, non-broadband connected, universe that is my grandmother's house to stuff my face. So, instead of attempting to succesfully compose a wonderful bloggety masterpiece for you on her zooming-fast AOL 7.0, i'm just going to put up a cop-out youtube post before I leave my office for the night. This thing almost looks like this is the way it was supposed to be made!
On a side note, if anyone knows where I can find a reasonably priced copy of the old Captain America movie, please let me know!
On a side note, if anyone knows where I can find a reasonably priced copy of the old Captain America movie, please let me know!
2007-10-31
Saddest Halloween Ever
So, today is Halloween. But it's not just any Halloween. Today is the...
I started working at my current job in January, so I'm not sure what my office's policy is on dressing up in costumes. It's been a tradition of mine to wear costumes every year since I got my first job. Let's take a quick look at my personal favorites in the history of me wearing costumes (unfortunately, I don't have actual pictures in digital form, so I've just had to find pictures of who the costume is based off of).
10/31/2000 - Juan Valdez:
This costume is probably the one that got me in the most trouble. I was working in a restaurant at this point, with most of the cooks being from Mexico or El Salvador. Needless to say, they didn't find a white kid with a big bushy moustache and sombrero dancing around with a can of coffee very funny.
10/31/2006 - Mighty Max:
You guys remember Mighty Max? If you don't, let me describe the joys of this phenomenal toy. Mighty Max was basically a pocket-sized playset where you had a little figure (Max, obviously) who battled werewolves, mummies, giant scorpions, and other scary stuff (WARNING! TWO OF THE PREVIOUS LINKS ARE TERRIFYING, ONE IS ADORABLE! ONCE YOU CLICK YOU CANNOT UNCLICK!). I used to play the hell out of those tiny little playsets as a child, so I decided to pay tribute to it by making a costume based of the main character. Unfortunately, nobody at the insurance company I worked for got the reference, so I spent the majority of that day at work explaining the concept of the toys to people instead of working. Then I got fired. No joke.
So, you'd think, what with losing my job and all, last year HAD to have been the
but it wasn't! This one was far worse!
10/31/2007 - fuck fuck fuck:
So, this year I decided to play it safe. I had originally planned on making a really badass superhero costume, but I feared being that guy. You know, that guy who shows up to the office dressed in the chicken costume only to find that nobody else is in a costume and then they start laughing at him, so he starts crying and runs off to hide in the bathroom. But, oh shit, he accidentally ran into the women's bathroom! and everyone saw it! now he's a guy in a chicken suit who is in the ladies room! shit shit shit! what am I going to do? If i go out there, everyone is going to laugh some more. But if I stay in here, they're just going to wonder if i'm in her crying or something. shit. the guys are never going to let me live this down. fuck. what am i going to do...
and then, to escape the torment, he drank the clorox from under the sink.
He fucking died. That poor man killed himself out of sheer embarassment. And you know what, somebody had to explain that to his wife and son. Little Jimmy didn't know how to cope. He slowly became withdrawn from his mother and began doing drugs. One year later, little Jimmy, strung out on coke, ran headlong into a busy intersection and was struck by a car. His mother, now all alone in a great big house spends her days sitting on the bed staring at a picture of the husband she loved so much, but whom she could never again feel the warm touch of his hands. She will never be the same.
So, i didn't want to be that guy. So, i decided to play it safe and have a costume that would be easy to change into regular working clothes if i saw that embarrassing situations were arising. My choice?
Phil Ken Sebben. The boss from the show Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law on [adultswim]. Basically the easiest costume ever for an office worker to pull off. It's a simple process!
Well, I bought an eyepatch the other day at the local costume shop. Costume completed, I didn't think about it at all until this morning arrived. This was when I learned that the eyepatch I had bought from this costume shop was a shitty piece of shit. It broke as soon as I put it on. But, I figured I could fix it when i got to the office. So I put it in my pocket, or at least, I thought I did. But apparently I missed my pocket entirely and put it somewhere in the vicinity of who the fuck knows where.
But, I'm jumping ahead of myself. There was much more suckassness before I got to the office. Because, not only is today Halloween, but it's Wednesday (A.K.A. New Comic Day). Unfortunately, today is
For the past, oh, let's say three weeks, i've been chomping at the bit waiting to get my hands on Avengers: The Initiative #7. According to Marvel, it was supposed to be in stores today.
So, no new A:TI, no eyepatch, I'm left at work looking like an overdressed putz.
I wonder if it's too late to declare Doom as my master.
I started working at my current job in January, so I'm not sure what my office's policy is on dressing up in costumes. It's been a tradition of mine to wear costumes every year since I got my first job. Let's take a quick look at my personal favorites in the history of me wearing costumes (unfortunately, I don't have actual pictures in digital form, so I've just had to find pictures of who the costume is based off of).10/31/2000 - Juan Valdez:
This costume is probably the one that got me in the most trouble. I was working in a restaurant at this point, with most of the cooks being from Mexico or El Salvador. Needless to say, they didn't find a white kid with a big bushy moustache and sombrero dancing around with a can of coffee very funny.10/31/2006 - Mighty Max:
You guys remember Mighty Max? If you don't, let me describe the joys of this phenomenal toy. Mighty Max was basically a pocket-sized playset where you had a little figure (Max, obviously) who battled werewolves, mummies, giant scorpions, and other scary stuff (WARNING! TWO OF THE PREVIOUS LINKS ARE TERRIFYING, ONE IS ADORABLE! ONCE YOU CLICK YOU CANNOT UNCLICK!). I used to play the hell out of those tiny little playsets as a child, so I decided to pay tribute to it by making a costume based of the main character. Unfortunately, nobody at the insurance company I worked for got the reference, so I spent the majority of that day at work explaining the concept of the toys to people instead of working. Then I got fired. No joke.So, you'd think, what with losing my job and all, last year HAD to have been the
but it wasn't! This one was far worse!10/31/2007 - fuck fuck fuck:
So, this year I decided to play it safe. I had originally planned on making a really badass superhero costume, but I feared being that guy. You know, that guy who shows up to the office dressed in the chicken costume only to find that nobody else is in a costume and then they start laughing at him, so he starts crying and runs off to hide in the bathroom. But, oh shit, he accidentally ran into the women's bathroom! and everyone saw it! now he's a guy in a chicken suit who is in the ladies room! shit shit shit! what am I going to do? If i go out there, everyone is going to laugh some more. But if I stay in here, they're just going to wonder if i'm in her crying or something. shit. the guys are never going to let me live this down. fuck. what am i going to do...
and then, to escape the torment, he drank the clorox from under the sink.
He fucking died. That poor man killed himself out of sheer embarassment. And you know what, somebody had to explain that to his wife and son. Little Jimmy didn't know how to cope. He slowly became withdrawn from his mother and began doing drugs. One year later, little Jimmy, strung out on coke, ran headlong into a busy intersection and was struck by a car. His mother, now all alone in a great big house spends her days sitting on the bed staring at a picture of the husband she loved so much, but whom she could never again feel the warm touch of his hands. She will never be the same.
So, i didn't want to be that guy. So, i decided to play it safe and have a costume that would be easy to change into regular working clothes if i saw that embarrassing situations were arising. My choice?
Phil Ken Sebben. The boss from the show Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law on [adultswim]. Basically the easiest costume ever for an office worker to pull off. It's a simple process!- Get dressed for work
- Put on eyepatch
Well, I bought an eyepatch the other day at the local costume shop. Costume completed, I didn't think about it at all until this morning arrived. This was when I learned that the eyepatch I had bought from this costume shop was a shitty piece of shit. It broke as soon as I put it on. But, I figured I could fix it when i got to the office. So I put it in my pocket, or at least, I thought I did. But apparently I missed my pocket entirely and put it somewhere in the vicinity of who the fuck knows where.
But, I'm jumping ahead of myself. There was much more suckassness before I got to the office. Because, not only is today Halloween, but it's Wednesday (A.K.A. New Comic Day). Unfortunately, today is
For the past, oh, let's say three weeks, i've been chomping at the bit waiting to get my hands on Avengers: The Initiative #7. According to Marvel, it was supposed to be in stores today.AVENGERS: THE INITIATIVE #7 (AUG072210)But, no dice. Instead, what Marvel had to offer me today was a big stinky shit pile of nothing. It makes me think that they got my letter (which, i might add, i sent, but i totally forgot to take those pictures of), and Stan Lee personally decided to piss all over my hopes and dreams.
Written by DAN SLOTT
Pencils & Cover by STEFANO CASELLI
Rated T+…$2.99
FOC—10/11/07, On-Sale 10/31/07
To find a comic shop near you, call 1-888-comicbook
So, no new A:TI, no eyepatch, I'm left at work looking like an overdressed putz.
I wonder if it's too late to declare Doom as my master.
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