Bits And Pieces

Well, it's been a while since my last real post, so I thought now would be the perfect time to shake off this winter vacation mode I've been in and review yet another brilliant masterpiece of comicbookery. This one comes from James Allen, the samce guy who brought us Double Time #2. Ladies and Gents, without further ado, I present:

James Allen
Presents
James Allen's
Bits And Pieces
Now, completely ignoring the obvious hilarity of the title, let's take a look at the rest of the cover. Does it fit all the criteria for an awesome book? Let's see.

Blood: Yes
Bones: Yes
Big Awesome Font: Yes
Chicks With Big Boobs: No
Explosions: No
Dinosaurs/Robots: No

So, the cover is 50% awesome. The book is half perfect and we haven't even opened it yet! That means the entire rest of the book only has to be 50% awesome to make it a classic. So, let's start with our first story.
Good Hunting starts like any good story should, with a guy with a big gun walking around in the jungle. It appears he hired some native guides to take him and his bitchin' mustache on a safari for some big game. Then, on day five...
Holy shit yes! Please tell me those are tracks of what I think they are...
Then all of a sudden!
SWEEEEET! I think we all see where this is heading.

Dinosplosion!

And then, later:

Minidinosplosion!

So, there's story one, and already we've reached 83.33% awesome, since exploding dinosaurs count as both dinosaurs and explosions. Really, we could stop here and just be happy with what we've got, but we're not going to. Because up next is...
Wait? Wasn't this the title of a story from the last James Allen book we reviewed? Yes, it is. In fact, it's the same story entirely, but with a few upgrades. Namely, everyone has huge genitals.
Hell, even Eva has a huge package. What kind of crazy growth hormones do they put in the food in underground bunkers?
Well, let's take another win for James Allen, having successfully created a 100% awesome book. Give the man a hand. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to write him a letter.

Fun with youtube (cop out post)

I came across this on the youtubes. pretty funny stuff, i say.

Comic Conspiracy Theories - New Warriors Movie?

I sure hope Spencer Carnage is reading this one, seem right up his alley.

I got a very surprising email today. Came from an anonymous emailer with the address of "goatcheese47@dodgeit.com" (dodgeit.com apparently being a throw-away email service of some kind). The title was simply "New Warriors Movie", and the email contained 4 pictures. I present them to you with no changes made and no conjecture as to what they represent:

Now, I don't know about you, but that looks a whole heck of a lot like Night Thrasher to me.

Have you seen this new X-Force?

So, if you've been reading Marvel comics over the past month or so, there's a good chance you've come across an advert talking about the new X-Force series. I have to say, I was a bit iffy about it at first, just based on the line-up of team members. Let's take a look at who we've got.

Wolverine: WHAT? He's on another team? What is that now, 4? I think this just goes to further support my theory that he is a skrull. If nothing else, the guy is really passionate about his work. Who's busier, Superman or Aquaman? Answer: Wolverine.

X-23: Ok, so Wolverine AND Lady Wolverine? I don't even know what to say about this.

Wolfsbane: She's a werewolf. Just a werewolf. Which, I wasn't aware could be counted as a "mutant power". But, get this, the chick says stuff like "Ye" all the fuckin time. She's like Thor, but with more hair and a better rack. She's ok in my book.

Warpath: Think Apache Chief without cool "grow powers". Warpath basically just runs around with knives as a mutant power. But, he's got potential to seriously fuck up some baddies, so I gotta say he's ok by me.

Caliban: The coolest mutant ever, Nuff Said. Oh, also he already died, so forget him.

So, out of 4 remaining members, really none of them interest me all that much as far as dialogue/back story goes. But I'm still going to buy it.

Why, you ask? Because 3 of the characters have claws that can slash people up, and the one who doesn't carries around big fucking knives instead. That means a 75% chance that somewhere in this series someone is going to get stabbed right in the fucking face. Also, check out this art:

Pretty sweet, I must say.

it's 2008, bitches!

Well, it's midnight i'm stuck sitting here in my office on new years day. Not supposed to get off work for a few more hours. Oh, also, It's a new fucking year, mother fuckers!

So, what is a comic blogger to do on new years? Why, make resolutions of course. So, here they are, my:

Comic blogging resolutions for 2008!

1. Stop using so many stupid tags on my posts. Seriously, I have like, a zillion of them that I've only really used once. I need to narrow it down to about 10-15 good ones.

2. Stop talking so much smack about Bendis. I mean, sure he sucks out loud, but that doesn't mean I have to talk about it all the time, right? But if I'm going to stop doing that i'll have to...

3. Stop buying New Avengers and Mighty Avengers. I mean, am I the only one who has no fucking clue what the hell is going on in Mighty Avengers? Every time I read an issue, I feel like half the comic accidentally fell out of the book. Or, perhaps someone stole it!


4. Do anything I can to track down and subsequently write a short story about the guy from Brooklyn who, last night, found my blog by googling "wolverine nude", and then proceeded to further search my blog for the word "nude". Subsequently...

5. Make many more posts about wolverine, as it seems that 75% of all my web traffic comes in the form of people looking for pictures of wolverine on google.

6. Get off my lazy ass and finally get working on that Amazing Bag-Man costume I've been thinking about making for years.

7. And, finally, buy and read every possible issue of any comic containing The Badger. I just finished reading Badger Saves The World #1, and it is so damn good. You should read it too.

What about you? What are YOUR resolutions?

Drunken Comic Conspiract Theory - WHAT THE FUCK?!

Hey, you guys remember that time I got drunk and blogged about comics? Today, in memory of that one time, I decided to get drunk and blog. About comics. Kinda.

First and foremost, I'm happy to announce that WIFL is the #1 google and yahoo search results for "kinetokinesis". But aside from that, I bought some comics today!

So yeah, comics came out yesterday, but I had to tend to a sick girlfriend, so I wasn't able to make it to the comic shop until today. And, guess what? The new Messiah CompleX is FUCKING SOLD OUT!

IN ONE FUCKING DAY! I mean, what the hell, man, seriously?!? Obviously, this is just another plot by the Purifiers in their insidious conspiracy against me. I was afraid it would happen, and I was right. It seems this thing goes all the way to the top.

God himself is in on it. He sent his only son to earth to delay my comics, knowing damn well that my girlfriend would get sick the day they came out. I'm on to you, God! Also...

**HOLY SHIT, THERE'S SPOILERS DOWN THERE!**
I read Captain America #33. and I just have to say, "WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK, MARVEL?". Bucky? REALLY? Come on! I think we all know that's a fucking cop-out. I mean, I'm okay with being wrong in my initial comic conspiracy theory about spider-man being the new Cap, but can't we be more original that Bucky? Let's look at our other options you gave us to choose from (after you narrowed it down to 6 people, that is)

1. Bucky: Fuck him. Now, don't get me wrong, I like this new "badass, totally not a young gay kid who serves no purpose but to get captured and make Captain American rescue him" image you guys are going for with him, but i think I already covered fuck him.
2. Iron Man: Umm, Iron Man is already a well established character in the public eye, so not likely.
3. Red Skull: NAZI! 'nuff said
4. Union Jack: Not from America, 'nuff said!
5. U.S. Agent: Isn't he working for the canadian government now? I'm not even going to get into the stupidity of a guy named U.S. Agent working for the Canucks, so let's just leave him out of it.
6. Hawkeye.

HOLY FUCK YES!

Do it, Marvel. Make Hawkeye the new Cap. I mean, what the hell else is he doing right now? Come on, Marvel, don't be a pussy!

Sweet Christmas Coverage! vol. 6

Eh, I give up. Turns out when you go to work on Christmas, you still have to actually work. Can't just waste the day surfing the internet and making hourly blog posts.

Also, I kind of just started watching South Park and forgot.

So, here's one last post for today, with all it's chain-belt wearing glory!

SWEET CHRISTMAS FUTURE!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!