Westchester Is For Lovers

Taco Bell, again?

2010-10-18T00:59:00.000-04:00

Right off the bat, let me state the following. Yes, I realize this is pretty much the 3rd Taco Bell-related post I've made in a row. The difference here is that, while the past two have been shit-slinging tirades about how much new stuff sucks, this one will have significantly less shit-slinging. In fact, I'm mostly going to be saying nice things. Mostly. Won't you please join me in Taco-land?

Taco Bell Border Salsas

Not to be confused with the standard Border Sauces (Mild, Hot and Fire), the new Border Salsas are a slightly 'chunkier' sauce (similar consistency to Fire sauce) available in Salsa Verde and Fire-Roasted Salsa. I will cover them individually, to avoid confusion.

WARNING: This is going to be a few paragraphs just talking about sauce. I understand that not everyone shares my passion for the concept of sauces. I understand that I'm a big loser for caring this much. If you don't give a crap, feel free to skip to the next section. But don't you even think about skipping that section too, because I'll know man... I'll know.

Salsa Verde - If there's one thing I love most when it comes to mexican food, it's a really nice Salsa Verde. Unfortunately, this is not one. Don't get me wrong, it's actually pretty good. In fact, by Border Sauce/Salsa standards, it's probably second place as far as taste goes (Fire sauce is still my #1 guy). But salsa verde is pretty tasty too. In fact, I think more fast food places should take up this idea (for things like breakfast burritos and the like).

Fire-Roasted Salsa - Sucks out loud. I just want to get that out there from the start. This Salsa sucks. So. Bad. (Just my opinion, of course). The downfall for this alleged salsa (hereafter known as 'sauce') is that it lacks any form of peppers. I understand the desire to make a sauce that would appeal to people who don't like spicier sauces, but this sauce is almost ridiculously tame. It is almost all tomato (Fire Roasted tomato puree, Tomato Paste, and a bit of garlic and onion powder), so it ends up tasting like kind of sweet ketchup or barbecue sauce. Awful, awful stuff. Enough talk about sauces, let's dig into the real food now! (Ooh, did you see that pun I did there "dig in". Man, I'm a natural!)

Crispy Potato Soft Taco - I don't know if this is actually new or not, but this is the first time I've ever noticed it on the menu. Essentially it is Cheesy Fiesta Potatoes in a taco shell. However instead of nacho cheese and sour cream, the potato chunks are topped with pepper jack sauce (the same as was on the short-lived Black Jack Taco), lettuce, and shredded cheese. It's surprisingly tasty. I love those potatoes, and all the ingredients go well together. I tried a few bites with Fire sauce, but it kind of overpowered everything else. Salsa Verde was not bad on it, either, but I think with something like this, it's best as is. Also, it's filling and super cheap ($0.89). Not something I want to eat all the time, but it's something I'll be going for again when I'm low on cash. The only downside I noticed was that the big chunks of potato make the taco fall apart more easily.

XXL Chalupa - This is pretty much the perfect Taco Bell chalupa, as far as toppings go. Nacho cheese sauce, Fiesta salsa, even the sour cream (which I'm normally not a fan of) is great on this. It all goes well together and did I mention there's a buttload of beef in there? It's a bit unwieldy to eat without spilling out the other end, but could be tackled with a fork like a taco-salad. The chalupa shell is also very good and crispy. The big downside is that the red tortilla strips get placed between the beef and the nacho cheese, so they end up getting soggy before you even start eating it. They are pretty much undetectable. If they were layered in differently they'd add much more interesting texture.

All in all, Taco Bell has really been getting back in the game when it comes to delicious bad-for-you food.

RATING ROUNDUP!
Salsa Verde - "it's actually pretty good"
Fire Roasted Salsa - "This Salsa sucks. So. Bad. (Just my opinion, of course)"
Crispy Potato Soft Taco - "surprisingly tasty... filling and super cheap"
XXL Chalupa - "pretty much the perfect Taco Bell chalupa"

Even more taco-related posting

2010-08-15T04:18:00.001-04:00

Not to beat a dead-horse taco (coming soon from Taco Bell). But I just bought a box of Jose Ole frozen mini-tacos. I microwaved them for 2 minutes, and they have more flavor than a Taco Bell Cantina Taco.

I'm just saying.

Update time!

2010-08-12T05:47:00.002-04:00

What? You say I totally lied before about deciding to post to this blog more? You say I haven't updated in months and months? Yeah, so what? I've been busy!

But, I've decided that, in an effort to push myself back into the habit of writing more, it's time to expand the focus of this blog. For a long time it was all comics, all the time (with a handful of movie reviews and random food stuff). That said, I've got some new interests in my life that I want to discuss when I feel the need. For starters, I've rediscovered that I like to cook. I went to culinary school for a few years to become a chef, but dropped out because I don't like cooking for mass amounts of other people. Now that me and food have started to smooth things back out, I'll be using this to share random recipes I come up with or enjoy, as well as to talk about anything involving food that I feel the need to share (see the review of Taco Bell's butt tacos below). I am also very involved in pro-wrestling as of late. I'll probably talk about that alot as well. Whether you like it or not. So, in addition to all the noise from before, get ready for more shit you probably don't really care about reading.

Also, I still curse alot. So, if you don't want to read dirty wordies, you should probably go somewhere else for your bullshit blog purposes. See everybody again soon. Or not. Really depends on if I actually do another update after tonight.

The worst thing Taco Bell ever concieved.

2010-08-12T05:23:00.003-04:00

So, today I was on my way to a writers meeting for a TV pilot I'm working on (coming soon?), and decided to stop off for a bite to eat at a nearby Taco Bell. The reason being that I had heard about TB's recent addition of "Cantina Tacos" to the menu.

You may or may not have seen the commercials for these bad boys, so allow me to explain for those who haven't. Essentially, the Cantina Taco is meant to be the equivalent to what one might find at any locally owned taqueria. They come in 3 varieties of Chicken, Steak, and Carnitas (a.k.a. pork), each served on a soft corn tortilla with onion and cilantro, and a wedge of fresh lime for garnish. Since there was a combo for all three and a large drink (also available individually or as a two-pack with no drink), I went with the combo. And guess what, they are balls nasty. Straight up suck city. Let's break it down piece by piece.

Starting with the outside, we have a double layer of soft corn tortillas. Now, I make no secret to the fact that I generally hate them no matter where they are from. Soft corn tortillas have a particular thickness and graininess that I've just never cared for. Not to mention the fact that they tend to get soggy in seconds flat from the various taco juices. I'd say the ones at TB are probably about on-par with any other soft-corn. So, if you like that kind of stuff this probably wouldn't be an issue for you. But, really, that was possibly the best tasting part of the whole taco. And, again, this is coming from someone who would generally rather shoot himself in the ass than eat a corn tortilla that isn't crunchy.

Moving inside we get to the meat and onion/cilantro mix. This is where the real problem comes in. Now, as mentioned before, these things come in three varieties. But, honestly, you could have fooled me. I opened the first one up, saw what appeared to be pork inside, and took a bite. Instead of delicious piggy goodness, I found myself with a mouthful of flavorless mush. The onion was there, and the cilantro was there, but the meat itself had absolutely zero flavor to it. I worked my way through it and to the next one. Opening that one up, I saw what I figured to be chicken. Again, no taste what so ever. The third one turned out to actually be the pork one (making the first one actually steak). The pork had a bit of actual flavor to it. Not good flavor, mind you, but enough to the point where you could at least tell it was pork. This is what I just don't understand. I really enjoy Taco Bell's normal steak soft tacos, and their chicken tacos are pretty good as well (though, I'm not a big chicken eater). How did they manage to make both usually tasty meats into this flavorless flesh-paste? It totally baffles me.

This brings me to the lime wedge. As I told the guys at the writes meeting that night, I'm pretty sure this is only included to disguise the fact that none of the main ingredients have a real taste. I figure they assume that if customers drown it in lime, they'll assume the lack of other flavors is just from too much citrus.

So, why would Taco Bell put such an ungodly selection of shit-filled tacos on their menu? Allow me to pose my conspiracy theory. They put the tacos on the menu and claim that they are of the equivalent to what one would find from a real taco joint. Customers order them, see how shitty they are, and assume that this must mean that real tacos taste like dick simmered in assjuice, and decide Taco Bell's normal tacos must be the pinnacle of flavor. It's brilliant, really. Until of course you realize that TB is promoting these things as better than their standard taco. So really, they are saying that normal tacos taste worse that ass.

Yum fucking yum. Way to go, champ.

COMING SOON: Nova City Stories

2009-12-20T22:11:00.003-05:00

Written by Ryan Eldridge (that's me!) with art provided by Lyle Pollard (pencils), Peter Palmiotti (inks) and Mike Watkins (colors). Coming soon from Highburn Studios.

Searching for my lost love

2009-12-13T13:10:00.002-05:00

Me:
A 23-year-old computer technician who loves to read comics, sleep in the nude, and wear a hat.

You:

Where are you, McRib? I love you.

The day Chris Sims shat himself in awe. That day is today, ladies and gents.

2009-12-01T14:31:00.006-05:00

Some of you may recall my brief stint as a staff writer over at ProjectFanboy.com. In my time there, I managed to get myself signed up on man mailing lists for publishers, etc when they promote new books. Usually it's stuff that's not of much interest to me, but today was a big exception to that rule. Today I learned about the greatest comic since Ayre Force.

Sucka, you'd better believe I'm talking about:

WWE HEROES!

That's right, folks. This comic seems to be about Triple-H, Undertaker, and some guy in a hat* (Sorry, I haven't watched wrestling since the 90's. Wolfpac 4-Life) fighting zombies and a bunch of pissed Talky Tawny knock-offs. I assume they're pissed because the best gig they could get was appearing in WWE HEROES.

Anyway, I hear Mr. Sims is going to be covering this later tonight at Comics Alliance, so I'll let him fill in the real details, but I'll leave you with this actual description from the press release:

Issue #1 reveals an eternal rivalry set against the backdrop of the history of WWE. Why is the ruthless Shadow King so obsessed with WWE? What is the reason for his eternal and supernatural war with the Firstborn? And could his ancient opponent really be a member of the WWE roster?

*UPDATE 02/19/2010 : Further research has led me to know that this man in a hat is John Cena, and that I still totally like wrestling.

Oh right, bacon cake...

2009-07-25T20:13:00.002-04:00

Ok, one quick one while I'm thinking about it. Back in February, I posed a question. A question that I did not answer. The question:

What happens if you put bacon inside cake?

The Answer: Not such a good idea.

Horrific Tales Anthology Issue #2

2009-07-25T19:57:00.003-04:00

Ok, ok, I know I promised that this post would be a big epic post to fill you in on everything I've been up to lately. But, after realizing how much work that would be, I figure I'll break it down into a bunch of little posts to save time.

For starters, here's a quick sneak peek at some sample art from two of my stories in Midnight Horizon Comics' annual horror anthology, Horrific Tales. The book is being organized by Highburn studiomate Kenny Keen (he's also the publisher), and is slated to come out just prior to Halloween this year. It will feature two separate two-page stories written by yours truly. I won't give too much away about the stories, but be on the look out for The Moth and The Flame and The Young Astronomer coming soon!

Been Away For A While, But I'm Back In Town...

2009-07-21T12:51:00.003-04:00

Baby, I know I've been neglecting you. I know I've been making half-assed posts since, well, since the blog started really. But I'm a changed man, honest!

Anyways, sweet, sweet apologies aside, I've been thinking about this blog again lately. I've been neglecting writing here in exchange for writing comic book scripts with my friends over at Highburn Studios. But, I think it's about time for some new comics and other such nonsense to be discussed here. No promises or anything, but I'm trying.

I'll post again later with a big synopsis of everything that has ever happened.

Why would you just eat that?

2009-04-05T02:00:00.002-04:00

Click to enbiggen.

Well, this is a good one!

2009-03-06T05:27:00.001-05:00

Alan Moore be damned, I would totally watch this show. And that makes me really sad.

I pose a question...

2009-02-21T00:16:00.002-05:00

Delicious answers coming soon.

There's a new Chuck in town

2009-02-19T20:29:00.004-05:00

Screw Mr. Norris, there's a brand new Chuck in town. That's right, ladies, I'm talking about game show host extraordinaire Chuck Woolery:
FACT*: It is speculated that he owns over 400 diamond rings. He is such a fan of diamonds that he owns a diamond-encrusted bass guitar.

*Fact is from Wikipedia and might not actually be true, but I kinda hope it is.

New Con Sketch!

2009-02-06T01:21:00.003-05:00

Superbowl Sunday was also the day of the more recent Atlanta Comic Convention. As I usually do, I got local artist and buddy Jason Flowers to do a sketch while I was there. I try to keep it pretty interesting, as he's usually willing to draw whatever I pay him for. This time his criteria was "Draw Captain America doing the most American thing you can think of" (which is the theme for a new con sketchbook I bought recently). Anyways, have a look at the final results!

Why you shouldn't go to 4chan at 2:46 AM after a long night of drinking

2009-01-31T02:46:00.002-05:00

If you've ever wondered why you shouldn't go to 4chan at 2:46 AM after a long night of drinking, the answer is nbecause you will find this funny enough to post on your blog and not talk about comics

Bob Odenkirk wants to photograph your penis

2009-01-23T05:18:00.003-05:00

"Craigslist Penis Photographer" featuring Bob Odenkirk - watch more funny videos

So, here's a question to all of you folks out there who aren't reading this blog anymore. Are you getting tired of all these video posts? Yeah well fuck you. However, if you're reading this. I love you.

Seriously. Sheila, if you're reading this, call me back. I miss you terribly. I'm nothing without you.

You're Gonna Love My Nuts

2009-01-05T05:45:00.003-05:00

This isn't really comics related, but this guy is so awesome and nonsensical that I had to share

Tacos, Fettucini, Linguini, Martini, Bikini indeed, Sir!

So, I saw The Spirit...

2009-01-02T02:41:00.002-05:00

...and I really wish I hadn't.

But, the plus side is, it allowed me to develop this new The Spirit Drinking Game! Here's the rules

Take 1 shot every time you wish the movie would end
Take 2 shots every time you wish your life would end.

And remember, folks:

Hey, Japan!

2008-11-19T15:14:00.004-05:00

How come you're so weird?

New Comics Day - 11/05/2008

2008-11-06T17:46:00.004-05:00

Well, it's Thursday. That means that yesterday was Wednesday, and new comic book day. And, in a somewhat shocking turn of events, this week has proven to be yet another awesome one for funnybooks. If you've never tried it, I highly recommend you stop reading things you don't like. But, anyways, let's talk about some comics what I bought.

THEY WERE ALL VERY GOOD, THANK YOU.

(I'm a bit busy at the office, but I might have more to say about a few of these books later)

Chris Sims is a tool

2008-11-03T18:36:00.003-05:00

Communist Liberals like Chris "Baby Killer" Sims will tell you that Senator Barack Obama is the only logical choice for the President of the United States of America.

They'll tell you that John McCain is unfit to run this country.

I say bullshit. Because who wouldn't want a president that can do this?

What's that? You say that's John McClane?

Oh, nevermind then.

(p.s. Vote)

New Comics Day 10/29/2008

2008-10-30T10:43:00.006-04:00

As I get closer to my moving day, I've started to notice that my "cut down to only buying comics that are on my pull list" strategy hasn't worked out very well. Instead, I've been saving money by only eating shitty, cheap food. I'm pretty sure this is my first sign that I have a problem. But, that's ok, because Comics, am I right? This was a good week for pretty good books. And, since I skipped last weeks review due to being sick, I'm going to review every single book I got this week. Let's see the scroll!

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #575
This is actually a really frustrating book for me. Part of me wants to hate it, because the writing makes Spider-Man look like a total asshole. I mean, I understand that there's a certain level of humor to the whole situation with this nasty "Greta" lady, but beyond that, half this book is Spider-Man making fun of a crazy lady right to her face. On the other hand, Joe Kelly writes a good Aunt May (not a fan of Chris Bachalo's pencils on her, though). That's not even mentioning the fact that the second half of this book makes up for the shittiness of the first half. We not only get a couple pages of surprisingly actually funny spider-bloopers, and a battle with a new-and-improved Hammerhead.

AVENGERS: THE INITIATIVE #18
This book continues to be one of the most fun of the handful of Secret Invasion tie-ins I still pick up. This issue, especially, is particularly awesome. While journeying around with the Skrull Kill Krew, we get a chance to check in on the new Freedom Force, who I seriously hope get their own series, or at least more face time in this book. Not only does this team have former Initiative trainees Hardball, Komodo and Cloud 9 (who are now really badass, all of a sudden), but it also has a hero who is terribly underused, Gravity. Anyways, lots of fighting and skrulls, as you'd expect, but wait until you meet the original Skrull Kill Krew.

CAPTAIN AMERICA THEATER OF WAR: OPERATION ZERO POINT
This Mitch Breitweiser guy draws an awesome Captain America Riding Atop a Nazi UFO. Oh, by the way, that happens.

KILL YOUR BOYFRIEND
I understand that the internet comics community is largely of the opinion that Grant Morrison can do no wrong. I've yet to reach that level of Morrison fanboydom. So, at risk of alienating myself, can I just say this book was only just ok? It follows a young english schoolgirl who runs away from home into a life of crime and drugs, and is a pretty entertaining book. I really love the concept, but it feels like it rushes along way too quickly. The main character often does these little "monologues" where she breaks the 4th wall, which could be fun, if it were more clearly defined of when she was going to stop talking in story and start talking to the audience. Instead, you can only tell that she's talking to you if she's looking at you, which you always realize after you've tried to read the text into the story. And, honestly, the "twist ending" was just bad.

MARVEL 1985 #6
This book, on the other hand, is so damn good. I really like the way Millar and Edwards manage to make this book feel like a movie. This mini series has had such perfect pacing all the way through, and even managed to tie up all the loose ends well. And, well, let's just say the end was enough to bring a tear to your eye. If you were some kind of sissy, I mean.

MARVEL ADVENTURES: FANTASTIC FOUR #41
I'm pretty sure Chris Sims might have died when he read this book. Because, well, it's got Devil Dinosaur and Moon Boy in it, see? And, as it were, that's pretty awesome.

NO HERO #2
Warren Ellis has really managed to put together a storyline that still has me trying to figure out what's going to happen. Normally, when you were 3 issues into a book (that's including issue #0!), and you've still only done a little bit within the books, I start to lose interest. Luckily, this book continues to hook me with the endings. This issue is a good example of that.

SUPERMAN #681
A bunch of supermen show up in Metropolis. People are worried. The end.

X-FORCE #8
Bringing The Vanisher, one of my favorite classic X-Men villains, back in the mix? Ok. Killing him off at the end? NOT OK!

Got this from Church.

2008-10-24T13:34:00.002-04:00

Your challenge is to write crossover fanfiction combining Step by Step and Teletubbies.
The story should use unplanned pregnancies as a plot device!

Generated by the Terrible Crossover Fanfiction Idea Generator

This is such a good idea.

I'll have some reviews for the weekly books up once I get over this cold.

Project Fanboy Interview with Troy Hickman

2008-10-17T17:47:00.003-04:00

Project Fanboy just posted up my most recent interview with writer Troy Hickman. Here is a copy of the interview for all of you to enjoy. Don't forget to check out the Reviews section of Project Fanboy for the latest reviews by myself and the rest of the staff!

---
Eisner-nominated writer Troy Hickman took a few seconds out of his busy schedule to answer some questions surrounding his recent win of Top Cow's Pilot Season contest, and his upcoming series Twilight Guardian (due out in late 2009).

Ryan Eldridge: The Twilight Guardian seems to be the exact opposite of everything one would expect from a super-hero character. What was the inspiration for the character?

Troy Hickman: Gosh, I hope she's not the exact opposite, or she'll be out there committing crimes! You have a point, though; she doesn't really follow the standard superhero template. Twilight Guardian has some inner urge that drives her to patrol the streets at night, even though she's not necessarily going to encounter Arnim Zola or the Ultra-Humanite (and if she does we'll undoubtedly be getting a cease and desist letter!). The inspiration for her comes from my own sleepless nights walking the streets of suburbia, and from all the quirky but compelling folks I've met along the way.

RE: The character herself actually comes from another series you self-published. Why don't you tell our readers a bit about that book and what lead you to bring the character to Top Cow.

TH: Twilight Guardian first appeared in my Tales of the Pathetic Club series, which dealt with people suffering from various manifestations of obsessive-compulsive disorders. The series was semi-autobiographical, as I've had some experience with OCD myself. Top Cow was interested in TG some years back when they contacted me about doing my Common Grounds series, but she sat on the shelf for a few years until Pilot Season provided the proper time and opportunity for her to return. The script for the Top Cow version of TG was basically an amalgam of her Pathetic Club appearance and the one-shot spin-off I did with her in 1995, with a bit of new material added, such as the parody comic pages.

RE: One of my favorite characters from the Pathetic Club books was Dr. Stein, any chance we're going to be seeing any of him in this series?

TH: No, probably not in this series, as the Pathetic Club stuff was not included in the Twilight Guardian deal. I would like to eventually do a recreation of it, though, in the same way I've done with Holey Crullers/Common Grounds and Twilight Guardian. I'm proud to say a lot of folks really dug that series, and I think it holds up today. I'd prefer to do it as a creator-owned series, though (my first), if Top Cow or someone else is interested (obviously Twilight Guardian would not be included in the new version).

RE: Let's talk a bit about the contest itself. Twilight Guardian developed quite a large grassroots support movement. Did you ever expect people to connect so well with the character?

TH: No, I can't say that I did. I went into this just being happy to have a new book on the shelves. I figured I'd have a nice one-shot that I could be proud of, and that, heck, maybe would manage NOT to come in last if I were lucky. And then the first week of voting came around, and TG was in third position. Since Top Cow was giving the top TWO books a series, I started thinking maybe it wasn't too crazy to believe I might have a slim chance. So I started beating the bushes something fierce, and I guess it worked.

RE: What do you think caused people to relate to her in the way they did?

TH: I think they possibly see a lot of themselves in her. She's a comic reader herself, and someone who's gone through heartbreak. More than that, though, she's looking for something out there, and I'd guess most of us are doing the same in some way.

RE: Your creative team on this book included artist Reza. Was it difficult collaborating across language barriers?

TH: Well, it wasn't too different, really, as pretty much all the "pro" comics I've done so far have consisted of me writing a script, giving it to my editor, then waiting to see the finished art. I haven't been able to really collaborate much yet, and that's something I'm looking forward to eventually. In the case of TG, though, I'm guessing there may have been some additional issues with communication, especially since my script was probably not the most conventional thing in the world, but we seem to have worked it out. I'm overjoyed with Reza's art.

RE: Artistically, one of my favorite aspects of this book was the inclusion of the snippets from fake silver age books. Are we going to see more Mantelope?

TH: We will if I have anything to say about it. Coming up with those pages was one of my favorite parts of doing this version of TG. As I went through the script, I found myself really looking forward to those pages. We'll definitely be looking at more of TG's comic collection in the mini-series, and I've got some other comic-related plans as well. And who knows? Maybe someday I can do a separate series with the likes of Mantelope, Heatnik, the Flaming Flag, and the rest.

RE: Both Twilight Guardian and your Eisner nominated series Common Grounds are based on books you wrote over ten years ago. In the time between, how much have the characters changed for you?

TH: They've actually changed very little. The scripts for the Common Grounds stories are almost verbatim from the original Holey Crullers versions, and Twilight Guardian is just a more developed version of her mini-comic appearances. The characters in both books have kind of a Silver Age vibe, so perhaps they have something of a timeless quality to them.

RE: Have you ever actually eaten a peanut butter and bologna sandwich?

TH: It's my favorite sandwich, and I've probably eaten a couple thousand of them (is it any wonder I'm the picture of health that I am?).

RE: Lastly, you've hinted that you were planning to take this series in a direction nobody would expect. Just between you, me, and the entire internet, are you at liberty to spill any secrets?

TH: Nope! Seriously, though, I think Twilight Guardian is unlike anything else on the stands right now, and I hope to keep it that way. I'll do my best to entertain the readers, and give them something that'll evoke a laugh and maybe a teary eye or two. I think that's the least we should expect out of our comics, and I'll certainly give it my best shot.

----
Many thanks again to Troy for taking the time to speak with us. The pilot issue of Twilight Guardian is available for free at Newsarama.

New Comics Day

2008-10-15T22:15:00.008-04:00

New Comics Day was yesterday, and it was another great day for comics! I seem to be noticing that I'm enjoying my comics experience more now that I'm only buying books that I really enjoy. Also, I'm getting pretty fond of doing these reviews on Thursday, instead of Wednesday, so look forward to more of this in the future. So, without further rambling, let's check the list!AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #573

While I readily admit to early speculation that Anti-Venom was the dumbest character concept I'd heard in years, can I just comment on how fucking badass he is? However, I would really love to know what happened between his fight with Venom and his appearance at the end of this issue. Because I'm pretty sure that made no fucking sense. Or did I just miss something?

Of course, the real reason you should be interested in this issue (no offense to the creators) is the special Spider-Man/Stephen Colbert story in the back of the issue. I'm sure nobody expected a golden performance by the characters here, but I really wish it had been a little funnier. Granted, fans of the show will get a lot of chuckles at the inside-jokes,
and Spider-Man even gets a few witty comments that are actually witty. I think it just felt
way too rushed. I would've totally shelled out a few bucks for a full issue story.

GHOSTBUSTERS: THE OTHER SIDE #1

To say I grew up a fan of the Ghostbusters is a bit of an understatement. I had all the toys. Even though they (for reasons I've yet to figure out) made Egon blonde. Even though most of the "ghosts" they busted on the TV show (or that came as toys) weren't actually ghosts at all. That didn't matter, because I was an impressionable kid who loved him some Ghostbusters. You could've sneezed into a paper bag and told me it was ectoplasm and I would gladly have paid you for it. Really, it wasn't healthy (mostly due to handling bags of snot). That all changed the day my god damn mother* (Hi Mom!) gave away my Ghostbusters
Firestation playset (and most of my action figures) to charity. After that I moved on to new
and exciting adventures with X-Men action figures and eventually discovered masturbation.
It's been pretty much the same since then. But today, I read this book, and I now have the
strangest urge to buy some snot. Anyone selling?

SUPERMAN'S PAL, JIMMY OLSEN SPECIAL #1

Just a word of warning to anyone considering buying this book. Not once, in this entire damn story, does Jimmy Olsen turn into a gorilla. In fact, the book has a marked absence of wacky and/or zany things. No mysterious gaining of super powers, no time travel, no slightly disturbing antics by the Jimmy Olsen Fan Club. Is it good? I guess in the only way that a book that doesn't involve Jimmy Olsen turning into a gorilla can be, sure.

THE AGE OF THE SENTRY #2

This, on the other hand? 100% zany. Seriously, if you're not already reading this, you really need to stop being fucking stupid. This issue not only features Sentry fightin Ursus The Ultra-Bear, but also takes a moment to highlight Truman Capote's long, traumatic history with bears. Yeah, you read that right.

Youtube Space-Filler

2008-10-13T11:17:00.001-04:00

Enjoy the tubes!

New Comic Book Day 10/08/2008

2008-10-09T16:39:00.007-04:00

So, in approximately 1 month, my girlfriend and I will be moving into a new apartment. Unfortunately, that means cutting back on a lot of my extra spending. Which means buying less comics. Really though, it's kind of a good thing, since I tend to buy a lot of books I don't really like, just to keep up with big company-wide events. So, this was my last week to buy books outside of my handful of established favorites. And I'm glad I did, because a few of the books this week have really changed my opinion of what ends up on my finalized pull list. Let's have a look at what I bought this week.

DEADPOOL #3

Initially this was one of the books I had decided I was probably going to stop buying. It's been a good series so far, but the character never really lived up to the fantastic way he was written in Cable and Deadpool. This issue is only slightly above par compared to the first two, but the last page was really enough to save it from the chopping block for one more issue. Deadpool versus zombies? Yes, please!

FINAL CRISIS: REVELATIONS #3 (OF 5)

I've been pretty pleased with this Final Crisis event as a whole, but I think I'm done with it and all these little tie-in books. These are the kind of books that I always find myself putting off until last, even though the stories are usually pretty good. I think I'm just tired of company-wide events. This particular issue is definitely not one of the best out there, but I think that's just a matter of personal taste for me. I've never been a huge fan of the Spectre, and the new lady Question really doesn't do it for me.

INVINCIBLE IRON MAN #6

I think it's safe to say that Matt Fraction has been killing with this series so far. This is currently one of my favorite books on the shelves, so there's no way it's getting the axe from my collection. Not to mention the variant cover (which I've never been one to get too excited about) is absolutely gorgeous. This issue marks the end of a great story arc that (as the story states) really looks to be a turning point in the direction this series is heading.

SECRET SIX #2

Best comic of the week. In fact, I might even go so far as to say that Gail Simone is the best writer DC has working for them right now. I've never read her Birds of Prey work, but between this book and her current Wonder Woman run, I can't get enough. This book is cleverly written, and features what is probably the greatest conversation about mexican food that has ever been featured in a comic book. Not to mention that the art (covers especially) is great. I really can't say enough good things about this book. I'm definitely adding this to my pull list.

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BONUS CONTENT!

In addition to all the great content that I've not been posting here lately, I've also recently become the newest staff reviewer over at ProjectFanboy.com. You can head on over and read my review of Worlds of Dungeons and Dragons #4, with more to follow shortly!

But wait, there's more, I'm also the author of a brand-new miniseries coming from Highburn Studios. The story is based in the same universe as their title Tribulations, and is going to be pencilled by Tribulations creator Lyle Pollard. We're still working on getting an inker, colorist, and letterer connected to the book, but we're aiming for a release alongside Tribulations #3 some time after the turn of the year.

Out Of Context Paneol Of The Day

2008-10-02T03:44:00.003-04:00

Wait, what now?

(From the pages of Nightwing #149)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WIFL!

2008-09-26T15:06:00.003-04:00

Well, today marks the one year birthday of Westchester Is For Lovers. Have a slice of delicious Wolverine cake, won't you?

New Comic Book Day - 09/17/2008, an addendum

2008-09-23T21:23:00.005-04:00

So, after my last post, I decided to check my longboxes to see if I had any of my old 1963 books. I found issue #2 and re-read it.

I take back anything bad I said in my original post. These things are great!

New Comic Book Day 09/17/2008

2008-09-18T16:27:00.008-04:00

Well, it's new comic book day, and I purchased quite a bit of books today. Let's take a look at the list.

So, as you can see, a big stack of books there (note to self: get bigger scroll). And, just to save my own face, I'm going to use the quantity of books I had to read as an excuse for why this post is a day late. It's not true, but you don't know that, so I get off easy.

Now, you might be thinking: "Gee willickers, Ryan sure did read a lot of comics this week. I bet he has all sorts of crazy things to say about them. I can't wait to read them and then not post any comments, just to spite him. Seriously, fuck that guy." Well, dear reader, you thought wrong!

Don't get me wrong, there were plenty of things worthy of freaking out over (i.e. the giant Mecha War Machine in Iron Man: DOS, Luke Cage making an appearance in 2 unrelated titles this month, or everyone in the Marvel U continuing to be monkies), but I'm not going to write about any of those things. Instead, I'm going to tell you about the one comic you need to buy. And that comic is:

THE AGE OF THE SENTRY #1

With this book, Marvel tries to recapture the essence of their Silver Age titles. This is certainly not a terribly original concept in the comic industry. DC did it back in '99 with such titles as National Comics #1 and Star-Spangled Comics #1. Heck, even Image had the short-lived series called 1963. The key difference is that this one is much better.

As I mentioned nearly a year ago in my first post, I am quite a big fan of the Silver Age. It gave us countless books that offer idealistic heroes who never give you any reason to doubt their intentions. The books were straight-forward, easy for anyone to pick up and read, and generally way too silly not to enjoy. In my opinion, the Silver Age was the perfect age for comic books.

So, every time I see a new series like this pop up on the horizon, I rush to pick up my copy. Usually, I find myself disappointed. Don't get me wrong, the books are still good and I enjoy reading them. The problem, I think, is that they serve to be a mockery of the Silver Age, instead of an homage to it. They tend to overplay the camp and silliness, which can get old really fast.

This book, however, got it right. It has the camp, but the writing is spot-on, and the art and colors are even more perfect than that. If I hadn't known this came out yesterday, I'd have had no idea I wasn't reading an old Stan 'n Jack book. But, looking back on it, with a writer like Jeff Parker (Marvel Adventures: Avengers, X-Men: First Class), it really couldn't be anything less. He captures the essence of Silver Age plot and dialog perfectly, not to mention his beautiful handling of classic villainy and comic book science. Pairing that up with his old X-Men: First Class partner Nick Dragotta and Ramon Rosanas and you've got a Silver Age book on your hands. I had never heard of Rosanas prior to this book, but he and Dragotta have managed to craft art that you would almost swear Jack Kirby drew himself. Outside of a handful of pages in Troy Hickman's Twilight Guardian (which, I might add, just won Top Cow's Pilot Season), I've never seen Silver Age done so well in these modern times of computers and flying cars.

Basically, what I'm saying is that I highly recommend this book if you're a fan of the good old days. Now, I'm off to re-enjoy this issue for myself! If you've got anything you want to add, or want to hear my opinion on anything else I bought this week, feel free to let me know in the comments section. You know, it's that link right down there that says "0 people think this is stupid".

Out Of Context Panel Of The Day 09/15/2008

2008-09-15T21:30:00.002-04:00

New Comic Book Day - 09/10/2008

2008-09-10T21:58:00.005-04:00

Comics. Am I right, guys? I mean, we all read them. But what do they really mean? I'm not really sure why you think you're going to find answers to questions like that here!

CABLE KING-SIZE SPECTACULAR # 1

This had pencils by Ken Lashley, instead of series regular artist Ariel Olivetti. I was a bit worried, as the last book I read that Olivetti did art on kind (Punisher War Journal) seemed to lose alot of it's appeal to me once he left the book. And honestly, I was a bit disappointed when I first opened this issue up. Because, well, Lashley an
Olivetti have wildly different styles. But really, as I sit here and look at it, the Lashley's pencils with Frank D'Armata's colors look pretty fucking awesome. I have a hard time getting through the story because I get so caught up looking at the detail in the backgrounds and crazy explosions. Also, did I mention that almost half of this book involves fighting giant bear-armadillo hybrids? Yeah, I'm pretty sure I mentioned that...

DEADPOOL # 1

Ok, so I understand that Secret Invasion is the big hot thing right now in the Marvel U, and I realize that making fun of the current big hot thing is kind of Deadpool's whole reason for existing, but I kind of wish they hadn't gone that route. Don't get me wrong, the book was still really good, I just couldn't enjoy it to the fullest because I am so fucking sick of Skrulls. Otherwise, it was great. The funny side of Deadpool's personality has been turned down a lot from where it was towards the end of Cable and Deadpool, but that's not really a bad thing. You get to see a lot of badical fights, and the jokes are still there, but the whole thing seems to be more driven by the plot than by the jokes.

WOLVERINE: SAUDADE # 1

I'll be totally honest, I bought this book because I thought it was called Wolverine Sausage. Turns out, it's not. There's not even a single thing about deliciously-seasoned ground meats in this entire book. What a rip.

Movie rumors that damn well better be true

2008-09-05T16:39:00.003-04:00

OMG Horror reports:

Rumors about a third Ghostbusters film being in talks have been popping up in
various media outlets for years, usually without much information to back up the
reports, but according to Variety, work on Ghostbusters 3 is already under
way. "The Office" producers Lee Eisenberg and Gene Stupnitsky are penning the
script for the new live action Ghostbusters movie which will not have all new
actors playing the team of ghost exterminators, but will actually reunite the
original cast of Harold Ramis, Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd and Ernie Hudson.

Office Producers Eisenberg and Stupnitsky recently worked closely with
Harold Ramis on Year One, a comedy which the three co-wrote. The filmmakers
involved in Ghostbusters 3 hope to reinvigorate the popular franchise despite
the significant number of years that have passed since the last GB movie by
bringing back the original cast and creative team behind the first films, much
like Harrison Ford was brought back earlier this year to reprise his role as
Indiana Jones in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

It's been 19 years since Ghostbusters II, and while it's hard to picture Aykroyd,
Murray, Ramis, and Hudson,suiting up again, Ghostbusters 3 could still work and
it could still kick a lot of ass. So what if they're fat and wrinkly now. Bill
Murray will always be Bill Murray and Ghostbusters will also be one of the
greatest film franchises of the 80s. I say, a third GB movie is awesome news.

(slightly delayed) New Comic Book Day - 09/04/2008

2008-09-04T22:32:00.005-04:00

Well, it's Thursday yet again, which means it's time for another one of those "Ryan talking about comics and making fart jokes" posts that I seem to do here every so often. After all the comics I bought last week, I wasn't sure if I would be able to finish them all in time for this weeks books. In fact, I actually just finished the last of last weeks pull just this morning. What was the big delay in reading, you ask? Well, I had to travel out of town for a few days this weekend, and then Sunday I spent at Dragon*Con here in Atlanta. Met some cool folks and bought some cool stuff, but I'll save that for a later post. Now it's time for comics!

DETECTIVE COMICS #848

I've heard a lot of complaints about this villain called Hush, and I really don't see what everyone hates about him so much. Granted, all I have to go on is this one issue so far, but he seems pretty on-par with the rest of the crazies in Batman's world. He's no Mr. Zsasz, but still a pretty cool character so far. More importantly, this issue is fairly Scarecrow-heavy, and that is very rarely a bad thing!

IRON MAN: GOLDEN AVENGER # 1

Is page 3 of this book the most hilariously misleading page ever printed ever? I'm pretty sure it is. Honestly, I was kind of disappointed to turn the page and find out that furry rape was not going to be a prevailing theme in the issue. Overall though, this book is pretty good. My only complaint is that it seems to not be able to decide if it's
a serious book or a funny book, and not in the good way like Cable and Deadpool. But, I can't complain too much about it. Definitely a fun read, and definitely very kid-friendly. That said, if any kids are reading this blog, maybe you should tell your parents to do a better job.

MARVEL APES # 1

A bunch of super heroes turn into monkies. I'm pretty sure that's all I really need to say about this. But, I guess I should also say this. SUPER HEROES TURN INTO FUCKING MOKIES!

SECRET SIX #1

First off, let me just say that Cliff Chiang knows how to draw a damn cover. This issue was good, but not as good of a start as I was hoping for with this series. Though, with Gail Simone penning it, I can't imagine the it will be a bad read in the future. The concept set up in this first issue sounds like it holds all sorts of potential badassery.

New Comic Book Day 08/27/2008 Part 1 (A-K)

2008-08-27T21:13:00.005-04:00

Ok, just so I don't make all 4 of you wait too long for the Internets Most Ignorable Comic Reviews, here are the highlights from the first half of today's pull.

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN # 569
First appearance of Anti-Venom was just as silly as I had thought it would be, and yet also pretty damn cool. I'm pretty iffy about the whole concept, but with Slott and Romita Jr. behind the story, it should hold up fairly well.

AMBUSH BUG: YEAR NONE #2 (OF 6)
Was this good? I'm not entirely sure. There were a lot of funny points to the story, and I kind of dig the stream-of-consciousness style that was going on here, but I still have absolutely no idea what the point of this mini is.

AVENGERS: THE INITIATIVE # 16
I'm really glad to see that this book has once again become fun. With the exception of the short "KIA" arc a few months back, this book consistently delivers a storyline that is action-packed, highly informative in relation to the Skrull invasion, and really damn funny at times.

DAREDEVIL # 110
I've really liked the arc that wraps up in this issue, but I'm kind of glad to see it come to an end. This book has felt more like a really cool legal thriller that contains a Daredevil cameo. I'm glad to see that next month's issue appears to mark a return to the more "superhero vs supervillain" kind of story. And, well, the villain is a sexy lady Bullseye, so that's always nice, right?

FINAL CRISIS: ROGUES' REVENGE #2 (OF 3)
I'm not wildly fond of the core Final Crisis series, but all these secondary books so far have been absolutely fantastic. Despite being about my least favorite DC 'family' and their villains who generally suck so good, this book is not only a funny read, it's was also unexpectedly clever and well scripted.

FINAL CRISIS: SUPERMAN BEYOND #1 (OF 2)
The fact that this book is printed in 3D should be enough for you to know it's good. My only gripe is that not every page was 3D, so you've either got to keep putting on and removing the glasses every other panel, or deal with the resulting headache. Still a fun book, and the cover looks fantastic in 3D.

KICK-ASS # 4
This book was actually supposed to come out a few weeks ago, but it was well worth the delays. This issue really ups the ante in the "blood and guts and other fucked up shit" department that Millar and Romita Jr. do so well. Unfortunately, some interviews that have been released on the net about the upcoming movie have already ruined several of the surprises about the two new characters.

Pre-New Comic Day Reviews Space Filler

2008-08-27T19:34:00.004-04:00

So many comics to read this week. Going to be a little late on the reviews. Until then, enjoy some shit!

Out Of Context Panel Of The Day

2008-08-25T21:14:00.003-04:00

What.

2008-08-20T22:22:00.006-04:00

Well, it's Wednesday, and the comics have been read, and boy were there a lot of them. This was a good week for interesting covers, and I made a lot of purchases I usually wouldn't, based only on the cover art. Let's have a look at this weeks catch.

AIR #1

This is a good book. The concept is very intriguing, and the main characters really draw you in and make you care about the goings on in their life. My only complaint is that the storyline seems rushed. I think this issue could have stand to be turned into two issues, and have the situations explained in a bit more detail. But, the fast pacing works well to illustrate the mental state of the main character, Blythe. I'd definitely recommend grabbing it if you're looking for a new series to get into.

THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD #16

I've picked up one or two issues of this series in the past, but they've never really done much for me. After reading this issue I realized that a lot of it had to do with the patricular team-ups in each issue. This one features Superman and Catwoman, and it couldn't be more fun. The characters play well off of one another, with Superman showing his common aversion to sexual contact with women and Catwoman, well, being Catwoman all the time.

PUNISHER # 61

The cover to this book is fantastic. I've picked up the MAX line of Punisher before, but it's never really captivated me. This book, however, is fantastic all the way through. Gregg Hurwitz writes a perfect Frank Castle.

ROBIN #177

Another impulse buy based on the cover. I've never bought an issue of Robin because, well, I've always thought Robin sucked. Don't hold it against me, I was raised in an era that brought us Batman Forever. But, I'm a sucker for that Red Robin costume. And, it turns out this series is really good. Robin succeeds in kicking a lot of people in various body parts. Not to mention that it further supports my theory that Batman is really Carol Brady.

SUPERMAN/BATMAN #51

So there I was, browsing the new comics, when what should I find? Why, just the scariest cover I think I've ever seen on a comic book. There's just something about this mini-JLA with their shiny midget faces and giant mouths that sends a chill down my spine. Naturally, I had to buy it. And well, the writer totally called me out on it. The Mikes Green and Johnson are two very clever dudes. Well played.

X-FACTOR # 34

Wow. Worst art ever. I think I officially give up on X-Factor.

X-FACTOR: LAYLA MILLER # 1

This, however was pretty fantastic, except the end. The end I believe to be stolen directly from an episode of Lizzie McGuire.

Sexual Harassment at SDCC: By John DiBello.

2008-08-15T13:31:00.004-04:00

John DiBello is a guy who is pretty close friends with everyone's favorite stuffed-animal comic blogger, Bully. Recently, John posted this blog, and asked that his friends do the same. So, I am.

Overheard at San Diego Comic-Con while I was having lunch on the balcony of the
Convention Center on Sunday July 27: a bunch of guys looking at the digital
photos on the camera of another, while he narrated: “These were the Ghostbusters
girls. That one, I grabbed her ass, ’cause I wanted to see what her reaction
was.” This was only one example of several instance of harassment, stalking or
assault that I saw at San Diego this time.
1. One of my friends was working
at a con booth selling books. She was stalked by a man who came to her booth
several times, pestering her to get together for a date that night. One of her
co-workers chased him off the final time.
2. On Friday, just before the show
closed, this same woman was closing up her tables when a group of four men came
to her booth, started taking photographs of her, telling her she was the
“prettiest girl at the con.” They they entered the booth, started hugging and
kissing her and taking photographs of themselves doing so. She was confused and
scared, but they left quickly after doing that.
3. Another friend of mine, a
woman running her own booth: on Friday a man came to her booth and openly
criticized her drawing ability and sense of design. Reports from others in the
same section of the floor confirmed he’d targeted several women with the same
sort of abuse and criticism.
Quite simply, this behavior has got to stop at
Comic-Con. It should never be a sort of place where anyone, man or woman, feels
unsafe or attacked either verbally or physically in any shape or form. There are
those, sadly, who get off on this sort of behavior and assault, whether it’s to
professional booth models, cosplayers or costumed women, or women who are just
there to work. This is not acceptable behavior under any circumstance, no matter
what you look like or how you’re dressed, whether you are in a Princess Leia
slave girl outfit or business casual for running your booth.
On Saturday,
the day after the second event I described above, I pulled out my convention
book to investigate what you can do and who you can speak to after such an
occurrence. On page two of the book there is a large grey box outlining
“Convention Policies,” which contain rules against smoking, live animals,
wheeled handcarts, recording at video presentations, drawing or aiming your
replica weapon, and giving your badge to others. There is nothing about
attendee-to-attendee personal behavior.
Page three of the book contains a
“Where Is It?” guide to specific Comic-Con events and services. There’s no
general information room or desk listed, nor is there a contact location for
security, so I go to the Guest Relations Desk. I speak to a volunteer manning
the desk; she’s sympathetic to the situation but who doesn’t have a clear answer
to my question: “What’s Comic-Con’s policy and method of dealing with complaints
about harassment?” She directs me to the nearest securityguard, who is also
sympathetic listening to my reports, but short of the women wanting to report
the incidents with the names of their harassers, there’s little that can be
done.
“I understand that,” I tell them both, “but what I’m asking is more
hypothetical and informational: if there is a set Comic-Con policy on harassment
and physical and verbal abuse on Con attendees and exhibitors, and if so, what’s
the specific procedure by which someone should report it, and specifically where
should they go?” But this wasn’t a question either could answer.
So,
according to published con policy, there is no tolerance for smoking, drawn
weapons, personal pages or selling bootleg videos on the floor, and these rules
are written down in black and white in the con booklet. There is not a word in
the written rules about harassment or the like. I would like to see something
like “Comic-Con has zero tolerance for harassment or violence against any of our
attendees or exhibitors. Please report instances to a security guard or the Con
Office in room XXX.”
The first step to preventing such harassment is giving
its victims the knowledge that they can safely and swiftly report such instances
to someone in authority. Having no published guideline, and indeed being unable
to give a clear answer to questions about it, gives harassment and violence one
more red-tape loophole to hide behind.
I enjoyed Comic-Con. I’m looking
forward to coming back next year. So, in fact, are the two women whose
experiences I’ve retold above. Aside from those instances, they had a good time
at the show. But those instances of harassment shouldn’t have happened at all,
and that they did under no clear-cut instructions about what to do sadly invites
the continuation of such behavior, or even worse.
I don’t understand why
there’s no such written policy about what is not tolerated and what to do when
this happens. Is there anyone at Comic-Con able to explain this? Does a similar
written policy exist in the booklets for other conventions (SF, comics or
otherwise) that could be used as a model? Can it be adapted or adapted, and
enforced, for Comic-Con? As the leading event of the comics and pop culture
world, Comic-Con should work to make everyone who attends feel comfortable and
safe.

I disabled comments on this post, because fuck you buddy. Go talk to people in the real world.

Cookin' with the Justice League

2008-08-14T12:29:00.004-04:00

click for bigness)

Caso Bonita! Caso Bonita!

2008-08-13T01:19:00.003-04:00

Happy (late) Birthday, Mr. Sims.

It's Strength Is It's Great Taste

2008-08-11T10:16:00.001-04:00

Atlanta Comic Book Stuff

2008-08-08T14:59:00.006-04:00

On the off chance that I have any readers here in the Atlanta area, I thought I'd take a few quick seconds to remind everyone of some upcoming nerdfests.

Of course, Dragon*Con is just a few short weeks away (August 29th - September 1st). And Adam West is going to be there. Unfortunately, I'm not sure if I will make it or not. So, say "hi" to Adam for me. Jerks. Admission for all 4 days is $90 at the door.

But, there's still hope for me to get some nerdy revelry in by the end of the year! November 2nd marks the next Atlanta Comic Convention. Once again, friend-of-WIFL Jason Flowers will be on hand to draw whatever the hell you pay him to. Sharing the table (or at least, occupying an adjacent one) is his female counterpart and fantastic pin-up artist Ariel. In all fairness to the couple, I should warn them that I am brewing up some fantastically strange ideas for sketches. A new addition (I think) to the artist roster from last time is Buffy The Vampire Slayer's Georges Jeanty. Admission is $5 at the door.

Shortly after, on November 21st, 22nd, and 23rd, is Atlanta Super Con. This one has me a bit more excited because, well, there's going to be booze. Exciting guests include artists Herb Trempe (creator of Wolverine, and artist of every big comic series at one point or another), Don Kramer (Detective Comics, Aquaman, The Thing), and Allen Bellman (Captain America, Human Torch, Let's Play Detective); as well as actor Brian O'Halloran (Dante from Clerks), and voice actors Dana Snyder (Aqua Teen Hunger Force), Carey Means (ATHF, as well), and Larry Kenney (Liono from Thundercats, Count Chocula). Admission is pretty cheap, all things considered, with a standard 3-day pass running for $35, up to a "VIP pass" for $150, which gets you faster access to autograph lines, and into some parties, etc. I shelled out the cash for the VIP pass because, well, there's a party with an open bar on Friday if you have one.

**UPDATE**
Almost forgot to mention an event coming up in a few months that Other-Friend-Of-WIFL Rich tipped me off about. Of course, I mean the first annual Southern Fried Comicon, which is being held on May 2nd and 3rd in Rome, Georgia. This one will also be featuring Jason and Ariel, as well as artist David Lloys (V for Vendetta), and actor and super nice guy Peter Mayhew (aka Chewbacca). Admission prices are pending.

New Comic Day - 08/06/2008

2008-08-06T22:17:00.004-04:00

Welcome back to a brand new installment of the reviews nobody really reads anymore, right here on Westchester Is For Lovers. Before we get into the reviews, I want to take a quick second to thank my pal Rich over at Cable and Tweed. He was nice enough to send the Deadpool and Bea Arthur picture to the folks at Newsarama, which resulted in me getting a mind-boggling amount of traffic over the weekend. Thanks Rich! Now, release the scroll!

CABLE # 6

This issue was co-drawn by both regular artis Ariel Olivetti, and Michael Lacombe. The two have vastly different artistic styles, and the contrast adds a pretty interesting way to better visualize the dual timeline of the book. Lacombe's art even manages to hold it's own fairly well against Olivetti's, though he does seem to have a rough time making Emma Frost not look funny. She's constantly pictured with her eyes crossed, or with a strange grin on her face that looks largely out of place in a character who's well known for being a sex symbol. Actually, I wasn't really pleased with the way Swierczynski writes her, either. But, regardless, the book was good, though far from the best of the series.

FRANKLIN RICHARDS: SUMMER SMACKDOWN! # 1

Finally, a Richie Rich comic for the kids of the future. This book is a collection of several unrelated shorts that range everywhere from cute to downright funny, even for larger kids like myself. Unfortunately, unlike the old Richie Rich comics, this one has a severe lack of terrible themed puns.

HULK # 5

Another suggestion from the rarely-wrong Rick, who (despite being fictional) seems to have terrific taste. I'm not a huge hulk fan, so this series has slipped under my radar. However, after reading this issue, I'm definitely going to have to go back and get the first 4 of the series. I mean, the dude apparently punches out Uatu! How can you not want to read that?

THE TWELVE # 7

After reading this issue, I'm dying for a spin-off starring Phantom Reporter and Detective Rose. Imagine the buddy-cop wackiness. So good.

Extreme New Comic Day Makeover: Home Edition- 07/30/2008

2008-08-03T00:11:00.010-04:00

Ok, I'm a few days behind schedule here, but I'm having to pull a long shift at my office and finally have a chance to review this weeks comics. This was a pretty decent week for comics, what with the new Blue Beetle and Wolverine, not to mention the launch of the new Skrulls vs Power Pack series. And, as you may have noticed, I've been trying to fit one new-to-me series into my pull list every week, based on suggestions from my fellow bloggers (or readers, post a suggestion in the comments!). This week's recommended buy was Green Lantern #33. Hey look! A list!

BLUE BEETLE #29
Another fun issue for this series. I don't really understand the need to include the new werewolf villain at the start of the story, since he never really ties into the rest of the plot for this issue. Hopefully they'll bring that storyline back around again, because it could be pretty interesting. But, I suppose super-powered illegal immigrants will have to do for now.

FANTASTIC FOUR: TRUE STORY # 1
A large part of me wants to say this book sucks out loud. The art looks very much like something by James Allen, and the dialog is terrifyingly unnatural. But the plotline of this story is really freaking fun. Enough so that it kind of makes up for the shitty parts. I'd say it's definitely worth a read, but I don't know if I'd recommend actually spending the money for it.

GREEN LANTERN #33
According to Stephen, this story is perfect. So, I decided to give it a shot, and, well, he was right. This book is pretty damn good, and this is coming from someone who doesn't really care much about the subject matter. Don't get me wrong, I dig the Green Lantern in concept, but I've never found a GL story that has kept me entertained enough to keep up with. This one, though, is not half bad. It makes me curious enough to go back and buy a few back issues to catch up on the story.

SECRET INVASION FANTASTIC FOUR #3(OF 3)
And thus marks the end of one of the only good Secret Invasion tie-ins that I've really enjoyed. This one is mostly the backstory of why Lyja re-joined the skrull army, why she came back to teleport everyone to the Negative Zone, and why she's got emotional issues. The moral? Don't date foreign chicks.

SKRULLS VS. POWER PACK # 1
Let's be honest, Power Pack is one of the worst ideas in comics history. There's just something about a bunch of kids with stupid superhero names like "smarty pants" that really makes me wonder what the folks at marvel are thinking when approving these stories. Granted, I understand that this book is meant to be geared for a much younger audience than myself, but I think it's safe to say that I'm usually a pretty big fan of kid-friendly books. And I still think this book is bad. It's not just bad because it's for kids, it's just bad because there's nothing else it can be. But I think I might be completely wrong. See, the next issue of this series is called "Universal Gangstaz", and features the team with gold teeth and big chains, so logic would dictate that this series is slamtastic. This is the series that should have taken Power Pack out of the land of camp and into the future as a team of angsty super-powered high school kids. But instead we get yawnsville. Regardless, I choose to remain in blissful ignorance until the next issue.

TRUE BELIEVERS # 1
This is a comic book in which a group of super-powered digilantes (that's digital vigilantes, for those of you not up to date on words I just made up that are immensely popular with today's youth). Anyways, it's about a bunch of super-powered digilantes who bust up an LSD-powered bikini girl fight club run by a group of politicians and fortune 500 CEO's who enjoy dressing like super heroes. Yeah, you read that right. I've still not really heard anything about this series before or since reading the issue, so I'm not 100% on how it ties into continuity, but the book is pretty damn cool. I'll be giving it shot, and I recommend you do the same!

Aware! Alert! Alive! - The Karen Kingsley Story

2008-08-01T22:16:00.003-04:00

Fucking 70's...

Pretty pictures

2008-07-30T20:32:00.005-04:00

Comic reviews are going to have to wait until tomorrow. Until then, enjoy two new WIFL-exclusive pictures, drawn by our good friend Jason Flowers.

First up comes an epic battle that, well, just needed to be done. That's right, I'm talkin' Patrick Swayze VS. Bigfoot.

And, secondly, a picture that no human being would ever draw of their own free will. Lucky for us, I paid him, so he kinda had to. Allow me to present Deadpool and Bea Arthur.

Isn't that just the sweetest couple you've ever seen? Thanks, Jason!

The biggest news in comics history

2008-07-27T01:35:00.003-04:00

Chris Sims' Invincible Super-Blog reports:

In addition to the new Nick Fury ongoing by Brian Bendis and The Nightly News’s Jonathan Hickman, the events of Secret Invasion will also lead to the dramatic return of U.S. 1 by Dan Slott and Juan Bobillo, as well as an all-new ROM: Spaceknight series from Christos Gage and Leonard Kirk!

Ok, so maybe this is a brazen lie on his part. But I choose to remain blissfully ignorant and wholeheartedly believe that there will in fact be a new U.S. 1 book. I suggest you do the same.

New Comic Day - 07/23/2008

2008-07-23T21:12:00.010-04:00

No time for introductory text, Doctor Jones! Let's review some gad damn funny books!

AMBUSH BUG: YEAR NONE #1 (OF 6)
Egg Fu is in this fucking book. Buy it. Buy it hard.

AVENGERS: THE INITIATIVE # 15
If you were to tell me yesterday that I would really enjoy read a copy of a series I've been considering dropping for the past five issues, I'd have been skeptical. If you told me that that issue was a Secret Invasion tie-in and that it had one of those god-awful "everyone has a skrull face" covers, I'd have laughed at you, and probably called you several funny, yet insulting, names (for example, Moron-Face). But, well, this issue was fucking good. Not only was it very actiony and good, but it offers a great backstory to a character I've never really cared about in the series. So, thanks for the tip, Moron-Face.

THE JOKER'S ASYLUM: SCARECROW
I've given this book some flak on having bad art in the past, but this issue (much like last week's) is a good change of pace from the dark and scratchy look of the first one. I've made it no secret in my weekly reviews that I'm a big fan of realism in my comic art. This book is definitely the opposite of that, but (for lack of a more descriptive word) it's very cute and fun. You'd think that wouldn't really work with the kind of story going on here, but it almost makes it even creepier.

MARVEL ADVENTURES SUPER HEROES # 1
And, once again, I find myself reviewing a Marvel Adventures book. This issue (obviously) marks the start of a new series under the banner. One which is quite possibly the best Adventures book out there. This issue stars Iron Man, Spider-Man, and The Hulk. Oh, and did I mention that the whole book is about them dog-sitting for Hercules? Oh, and did I mention that the dog in question is mother fucking Cerberus, the guardian of Hades? You might want to go ahead and pick your jaw up off of the floor, you're getting fanboy drool everywhere.

NEW AVENGERS # 43
Dear Mister Bendis,

"I so badly want to go home" is the most unnatural-sounding dialog I have ever seen written for Spider-Man. Ever.

Hugs and Kisses,
Ryan

WAR HEROES #1 (OF 6)
As usual, Millar does a wonderful job of setting up the backstory for this series quickly, while somehow including enough information to where you almost feel like you've already read 3 issues of the series. And, other than a few little things here and there, I think Tony Harris does beautiful art, especially for a war book. All in all, it manages to be both a good war story and a good super-powers story all at the same time.

So, there you have it. A good week for comics, with several really awesome new series debuted. See you next time, Moron-Face!

So, I saw The Dark Knight...

2008-07-21T20:40:00.004-04:00

Ok, so, like everyone else, I saw The Dark Knight. It was by far the best film I've seen so far this year, and I think every actor gave a really top-knotch performance. But I'm not here to post some long review about it. Because really, if you've seen it, you know. And if you haven't seen it by now, you probably don't give a fuck. What I am here to do is ask a question.

Am I the only one who noticed that Batman had a lisp for the last fourth of the movie?

New Comic Day - 07/06/2008

2008-07-16T20:40:00.007-04:00

New comic day is upon us once again, and with is comes the weekly reviews. Surprisingly enough almost all my comics were really freaking good this week. I don't really have a complaint about any of them. So, you know what that means? It means these reviews probably won't be very entertaining. But you'd better read them anyways, or else your precious wife and kids might have a little accident. INCREDIBLE HERCULES # 119
I’ve heard good things about this book, and have picked up an issue here and there, but I’ve never really followed this series too closely. My big turn off was that I often have a hard time relating to the mythology-themed heroes, particularly the language. But, on the suggestion of fellow blogger Rich, I decided to grab this issue and give the series another shot. The current storyline about the group of Gods invading the Skrull homeland is a really good tie-in with Secret Invasion and I can finally see the funny aspect of the book that people talk about so often. I’m going to have to grab the next few issues to see how the series holds up.

THE JOKER'S ASYLUM: POISON IVY
The art in this issue is fantastic. And really, when you’re drawing a hot chick who is clad in only a handful of leaves, you need good art. By the way, did I mention there’s a hot chick who is practically naked on every single page?

MARVEL 1985 # 3
MODOK and Fin Fang Foom all in one action packed issue? Yes, please! This book is just getting more and more crazy-good as it goes.

MARVEL ADVENTURES THE AVENGERS # 26
I don’t normally review my Marvel Adventures comics every week. Mostly because they are consistently good and I can’t really find much to say about them. But every now and then, the writers through you a real curveball of an issue (get it, because they’re playing baseball on the cover. And I made a curveball joke. Eh, you’ll get it later.) As the cover would lead you to believe, this comic features the Avengers playing baseball against Galactus and the Silver Surfer in an attempt to save a planet full of very rude aliens.

It is fucking awesome.

Atlanta Comic Con, a recap

2008-07-15T13:36:00.005-04:00

A few days ago I was reading Athens Georgia's Premiere Indie Music and Comic Blog, and came across the tip about the Atlanta Comic Convention last sunday. I've never really been to a comic con, other than DragonCon, which doesn't really count, as I never really end up looking at comics while there. The reason I've avoided them is because I'm what you might call an easy mark. Tell me a comic has a 9.4 grading and I'll stare at you blankly. Tell me that it's got a caveman fighting a Nazi and I'll pay whatever price you ask. In fact, I spent $10 on just such a comic. My point is that I'm not a real collector, I pick my comics based on how much fun I think they'll be. In other words, I buy shitty old comic books.

But, I figured with admission being only $3, I couldn't really get myself in too much financial ruin. Also, I took this as an opportunity to finally get my hands on a copy of Punisher meets Archie, which has eluded my grasp ever since the first time I heard about it. Well, as our president once said, Mission Accomplished! Amongst other many other things, I finally got my hands on an issue. And, since I know you're wondering, it is the greatest thing ever written. Let's see what else I bought.

Action Comics #289 - Superman's Super-Courtship
Action Comics #317 - The Rainbow Faces of Superman
Action Comics #418 - Who can beat Superman? More Supermen!
Action Comics #420
Action Comics #422
Action Comics #428
Action Comics #430 - Bus-Ride to Nowhere!
Action Comics #431
Action Comics #456 - Jaws of The Killer Shark
Action Comics #551
Action Comics #552
Fantastic Four #92
The Incredible Hulk #173
Lois Lane #76
Lois Lane #106
The Life of Pope John Paul II #1
Punisher Meets Archie #1
DC Special Presents: Super-Heroes Battle Super-Gorillas #16
Unknown Worlds #7
What If? #1
What If? #3
What If? #4
What If? #10
What If? #12
World's Finest #159

As you might imagine, they all look hilarious. But, the real highlight of the day was the opportunity to chat with Atlanta-based artist Jason Flowers.

Jason, along with Atlanta-based writer Jay Busbee, has a new graphic novel coming out soon called Ripped. Not to get into the deep plot points we talked about (mostly because I'm not sure if I'm allowed to or not), but the book is a time-tripping adventure to save history. From what we discussed about the book, it sounds like it's going to be a really fun read. Details on the release date are still up in the air, until the final touches are put on the book. But you had better believe I'll be grabbing a copy when it comes out and writing a review.

But, back on topic, this Jason guy is quite the nice dude who apparently draws one hell of a comic book. Oh, and also, he drew this...
Yeah, be on the look-out for more of those...

Dear Burger King

2008-07-14T01:01:00.002-04:00

Did we really need a hamburger with Bacon, Friend onions, and a full serving of mashed potatoes on top?

Did we really?

New Comic Day - 07/09/2008

2008-07-10T21:28:00.013-04:00

After an extra day's wait, it's finally new comic day! Unfortunately, it was a week with a lot of crap books. Let's take a look-see at what I purchased.
AMAZING SPIDER-MAN # 565
My interest in this book has always been a bit sporadic. I’ll pick up an issue here or there if they start a new story arc that sounds interesting, but I generally never get more than one issue in at any given time. That said, this is a really good issue. I bought it because I heard there was some Spidey and Daredevil team-up action. That’s probably the best part of the book, but the story in general just really makes me want more. I’ll give this book a few more issues, if they stay this good.

CAPTAIN BRITAIN AND MI: 13 # 3
This is, yet again, one of the consistently best books on the shelves. Honestly? This is the only Secret Invasion tie-in I’ve been following that I am really enjoying.

GREEN ARROW/BLACK CANARY #10
Another win for this book. I’ve heard some people complain that this series was running too slowly, and I think that this issue will be a pleasant change of pace for them. The whole book is pretty much one big fight scene, so you can’t really go wrong. Also, Plastic Man is there, so that’s a guaranteed fun book.

SECRET INVASION # 4

Sucks

ULTIMATE ORIGINS # 2
I didn’t pick up the first issue of this series. In fact, I’ve never read any of the Ultimate Universe books. But, well, this book had Captain America on it, so I figured it was worth a try. Surprisingly, it’s a pretty decent read. Bendis still hasn’t really impressed me with his work for Marvel, but this is far from his worst. I’ll probably give the next 3 issues a shot.

YOUNG X-MEN # 4
This series fucking blows. Aside from Rockslide and Dust, I couldn’t have less interest in this team of mutants. That said, the inspiration for Ink’s new tattoo is the funniest goddamned thing I’ve read all week. You’ve bought yourself one more issue, Guggenheim.

Dear Marvel

2008-07-08T19:42:00.002-04:00

Dear Marvel,

Secret Invasion is getting boring. Please do something more interesting so I can keep throwing wads of money in your faces.

New Comic Day - 07/02/2008

2008-07-02T22:29:00.011-04:00

It's new comic book day. Actually, it might be the Best New Comic Day Ever!?! Let's check the list!

AMERICAN DREAM # 5
Well, this is the last issue of the mini-series. I would say that I’m sad to see the character go, but after reading the last page, I’m not so sure that I’ll have to be. Looks like somebody at Marvel is picking up what I’m throwin’ down.

ASTONISHING X-MEN #25
I don’t care much for the art here, but Warren Ellis writes the best damn Emma Frost around. ‘Nuff Said.

BATMAN #678
Am I the only one who has absolutely no fucking clue what is going on? Opening this book, I feel like I’ve missed several issues since #677. That said, this book is getting just strange enough to make me want to keep buying it.

BLUE BEETLE #28
Yet another really entertaining issue from this creative team. I’ve noticed that a lot of my favorite comics these days are ones that are more accessible to younger readers. In my opinion, this is the best DC has to offer in that category. This book somehow finds a way to be action-packed and funny, with consistently great art, and still have interesting and clever twists and turns. Next issue will be Matt Sturges’ first issue as writer on the series. I’m not too familiar with his work, but I’m hoping that this book will continue to be fantastic after the change.

CABLE # 5
What can I say about this issue? Overall, I loved it. I think Swierczynski writes the best Cable ever, and (as always) Mr. Olivetti delivers the goods in the art department. The whole series has basically re-written the general attitude of Cable They’ve made the character much more enjoyable, and far less “90’s guy with a metal arm and big guns”. This issue, however, really redefines characters that have just been made within these first 5 issues. Seeing Cable’s new waitress friend in full battlesuit with guns blazing was classic to me.

What killed it for me was on the second page. We get a big close-up of the babies eyes. I don’t want to spoil it for anyone, so I won’t. Let’s just say it looks like I’m going to be really disappointed with the series sometime soon.

THE JOKER'S ASYLUM: THE JOKER
When I first opened this book, I thought the art was going to be the death of me. It’s really rough. When I say really rough, I mean it looks like Howard Chaykin’s Cat took a dump on Leinell Yu’s art. The art was scary bad. But as I read through it, it kind of grew on me. The art did a pretty good job of reflecting the jumbled mind of the Joker. I’m pretty excited to see next issue’s take on the Penguin

THE WAR THAT TIME FORGOT #3
I’m pretty sure I’ve said this once before, but I’ll say it again. If you love things that are too awesome to comprehend, buy this damn book. There are dinosaurs and guns and cowboys and dinosaurs and explosions. It’s pretty bitchin.

In which Ryan reviews the movie "Bedtime for Bonzo"

2008-06-27T16:51:00.004-04:00

Really the image above should serve as a review in itself. I mean it's a movie starring a monkey. That alone should conjur up memories of craptastic films as 1996's Dunston Checks In, or 2000's MVP: Most Valuable Primate. If the genre of 'wacky animal hijinks' was a city, the roads would be paved with straight-to-DVD movies starring monkeys. And then you throw Ronald Reagan into the mix, and you've got a movie that is pretty hard for me to take seriously at face value. So, going into this thing I knew that I was going to bear witness to the most shitty of shitty movies.

But, turns out it's a pretty good movie. Don't get me wrong, it's still pretty dumb and most of the plot revolves around "monkeys are crazy", but somehow Bedtime for Bonzo manages to avoid the slapstick gags and fart noises that are so characteristic of other monkey movies. They're there, but there's actually some semblance of a plot to connect them together. The plot revolves around Professor Peter Boyd (played by Reagan) as he attempts to convince his fiancee's father (who is the Dean at the university where he teaches) that he did not inherit the criminal traits of his father (who was a jewel theif or something). He does this by adopting the university's rambunctious lab test monkey and raise him to be a respectable and well-mannered monkey.

Ok, I know it sounds fucking stupid, but trust me.

The highlight of the film comes in the form of the supporting role of Prof. Hans Neumann, who is Boyd's bumbling German partner-in-crime. Neumann is played by Walter Slezak, who readers of this blog may better know as The Clock King from the 1966 Batman television series.

This character is funny in that way that all German characters in american TV and films were funny back then. Sort of like Sergeant Schultz from Hogan's Heroes.

Anyway, not to get too far into the minor plot points of the movie, the movie turned out to be a pleasant surprise. All in all, I give it 2 out of 5 Torgo's. It's still got that 1950's comedy badness to it, but done surprisingly well.

Uncanny X-Men #499 (also, there's some spoilers)

2008-06-26T19:57:00.004-04:00

So, yesterday was New Comics Day, and you may have noticed that I didn't post any reviews. That wasn't to say that there weren't issues worth reviewing. In fact, it was a very good week for comics. Specifically, it marks the day when I actually found myself excited to read the next issue of Uncanny X-Men.

It should come as no surprise that I am a big fan of Ed Brubaker's work. I've written post after post talking about how much I enjoy his work on Captain America and Daredevil. He's right up there on my top 5 list of favorite writers. But, I realized recently that I've not talked a whole lot about his current run on Uncanny X-Men. Mostly just because I've been really underwhelmed by the storyline.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mean to say that it's been a bad storyline. Brubaker's plot on this book has been just as good as his work everywhere else. I especially liked the past few issues with the strange 1960's hallucination thing going on. My big problem with the whole thing was that, even though it was a cool story and had a bunch of mutants that are associated with the X-Men, it just hasn't felt like the X-Books I know and love. Something was missing.

That something is the whole team dynamic that has always run through the character's storylines and the battle scenes. With the X-Men split up as they have been, the book as felt less like "X-Men" and more like "Cyclops and Emma Frost do stuff, while Wolverine, Colossus, and Nightcrawler do stuff somewhere else". But, that all changes in this issue. And, to be honest, I couldn't be happier.

The X-Men are getting back together, there's a new HQ in San Francisco, what more could one ask for?

Oh, wait, you say that Matt Fraction is joining the writing team next issue? So it will be Ed Brubaker and Matt Fraction writing a book together?

Oh fuckity-fuck yes.

Serious medical information

2008-06-22T12:39:00.003-04:00

I wasn't aware, but apparently I'm some kind of expert that is to be reffered to with problems of the mountain dew-induced runs. WIFL is the #1 Google search result for the terms "mountain dew voltage diarrhea" and "mountain dew voltage side effects".

That said, if you're finding this blog for that reason. Haha, you're pooping water.

New Comic Day: 06/18/2008

2008-06-18T19:02:00.010-04:00

It's that time again. This week was a surpsingly good week for comics, even though none of my usual favorites were on the shelves. Let's see what's on the big ol' scroll today.
And now, for the highlights!

AMERICAN DREAM #4 (OF 5)
There’s not much I can say about this mini series that I haven’t said in previous reviews. If you’re a fan of old Captain America action, this is a book for you. More run-ins with giant crystal monster like in the past 3 issues, but this issue has the added highlight of giving a littlie glimpse at what the whole of the avengers team is like in this alternate future. I have to say, with hardcore motherfuckers like Speedball and Jubilee on your team, nobody will dare to fuck with you. For fear of razzledazzles.

CAPTAIN BRITAIN AND MI13 #2
Ever wondered what the Black Night would look like as a human anatomy sculpture? Now you know. Also, did I mention that Skrull John Lennon is a character in this book? AND Deathlok Skrull? Just shut up and go buy it.

FANTASTIC FOUR (SECRET INVASION) #2 (OF 3)
Women. Am I right, fellas? I mean, there you are just minding your old business and then all the sudden your crazy ex comes strolling in dressed as your sister, transport you and your close friends and family into the Negative Zone, and then she tries to kill you. All because what, you didn’t send a text message? God, Lyja, you are getting so clingy. Also greatest line from a comic this week: “Yay prison!”

GHOST RIDER #24
On a suggestion from Rick, I decide to give this series a shot. Unfortunately the most recent back issue they had was #19, so I just decided to say screw the backstory and see if I can figure out the story as I go. Turns out, I can. I’ve never been a huge Ghost Rider fan, but this issue at least seems to be pretty good. Look like something to add to the pull list.

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY #2
Having heard nothing about this series prior to this day, let me just say that this is one of the most radtastic covers I have ever seen. A raccoon in clothes with a gun bigger than it’s body? I’ll take two. Oh and also the raccoon talks. And apparently makes Spinal Tap jokes.

"furry fury and feces-flingin' fun"

2008-06-17T17:56:00.004-04:00

So, correct me if I'm wrong...

But I'm pretty sure that just blew your mind.

Punisher: War Zone

2008-06-12T21:13:00.005-04:00

3 posts in one day? Jeezy Creezy!

Just saw this over on superherohype, and thought I would repost it here.

Don't fucking tell me that doesn't look sexy/

Let's talking comics!

2008-06-12T20:48:00.004-04:00

It's new comic book day, and thus, it's time to talk about new comics. Without spending a lot of time doing the introduction thing, I'm going to jump right into it.

Now, for the reviews!

BOOSTER GOLD #9 & #10
After my good experience with Blue Beetle a few weeks ago, I decided to try my hand at another DC series I’ve been hearing a lot of good things about. I grabbed the newest issue and #9 (I would have grabbed more back issues, but the closest one to #9 was #5, and that’s a bit too much of a gap in plot for my tastes). It’s a really good read from what I’ve gotten out of the two issues so far. I was probably going to pick up the series, but then I saw “Skeets” let loose a blast of robot diarrhea all over his evil twin and a guy vomit up a thousand mind control caterpillars.. That pretty much sealed the deal for me.

GENEXT #1 & #2
Somehow a book about mutants written by Chris Claremont slipped entirely under my radar. Although the writing is a little shaky at times, the issues themselves are really fun to read. What steals the show, though, is a special mini-story in the back of issue one featuring my favorite character ever to be written in an X-Men comic, Bernard! This is one you need to buy, dig?

GREEN ARROW/BLACK CANARY #9
Oh god. Oh good god. Batman/Plastic Man team-up in issue #10? I don’t see PM in the cover preview in the back of this issue, but I certainly have my fingers crossed!

THE TWELVE #6
The past few issues of this book have been boring with a capital BORING. This issue, however, makes up for all of that. I’ve been hoping for a rockman-heavy issue, and this one is it. Of course, that very fact also makes this issue terribly depressing. I won’t say why, because I actually don’t want to spoil an issue as good as this. Of course, if the last page has anything to say about it, next issue will be thousands of times more awesome.

X-FORCE SPECIAL: AIN’T NO DOG #1
The second story that this issue offers has me severely disappointed. The story begins with Warpath hunting down a bear in the woods. All signs point to “bear fight”. Sadly, it was just not meant to be, and he saves the bear from some barbed wire and then sends it off into the woods to live in harmony with all of Mother Nature’s children.

Friggin’ indians.

Mountain Dew Voltage, Supernova, and Revolution

2008-06-12T15:54:00.006-04:00

Had to get my comics a day late, and now I am waiting for everyone else in my office to leave so I can start reading them and writing my reviews. Until then, here's another installment of "Stuff You Should or Shouldn't Put In Your Mouth" to hold you over.

I used to drink a whole lot of soda for most of my life, up until a year or so ago. During that time, my particular favorite was Mountain Dew. Why? Because I was fucking 1337 and that's what me and my buddies would drink while we chatted on IRC. Nowadays, I don't know what the hell I found so delicious about the stuff. Just thinking about it makes my teeth hurt.

My brother, on the other hand, still enjoys the beverage quite frequently. (EDITORS NOTE: This process is also known on the street as "doing the dew"). The other day he came home with a few 12-packs of some new flavors of mountain dew. Apparently they've released 3 new flavors, and you get to vote on which one continues on as a real brand after this contest ends. The flavors all have really XTREME names like Voltage (a blue raspberry flavor), Supernova (strawberry), and Revolution (Wild Berry). Let me just say, these things are pretty awful. Let me see if I can accurately describe the experience of drinking one of these.

If you were ever a child, there's a very good chance that you (at least once) have prepared a batch of Kool-Aid with so much sugar that it actually gave you a headache to drink it. Now, imagine a fairy took a piss in that Kool-Aid. That's how sweet this stuff is. Not to mention the addition of ginseng into the mix. Because, really, Mountain Dew was really missing that kick of energy. Of course, this also means that side effects of drinking these new flavors could include nausea and diarrhea. Make of that what you will.

But seriously, it's probably not sanitary to make things out of your diarrhea.

Anyways, what makes this whole thing much more interesting is that there appears to be a suprisingly large online community devoted to discussing how much better one flavor is compared to another. I'm talking forums with hundreds and hundreds of posts about Mountain Dew. And there are fights! Internet flame wars about a beverage. If that's not a cue that you need to cut back on your sugar/caffeine/ginseng intake, I don't know what is. Let's take a look at some of these fantastic speaking points.

This one comes from a thread titled We Must Unite! *Please Read*, in which 'aa01' states:

My fellow fans of Revolution,

We must unite against the dark force that is known as (Voltage) and hit
them hard! The best way to do this, is to strike at 1 state at a time! Now of
course we can argue which state to hit votes upon first, second, third, etc. but
the best way is too continue hitting our states that we have put our votes into
but mostly Oregon. Due to fact Voltage is unwilling to let that state go! If we
continue to hold onto the 4 states that we have Oregon, Hawaii, South Dakota and
our newest Maine. They will lose a high level of confidence that they need to
continue with their continous streak of winning! Now all Revo Fans stand up for
what is right, for what is best tasting and for better is to keep this "dream"
on! To be able to say that you had a part of making the Revo a drink that will
stay with us. So please continue voting!

Am I the only that is scared of this much tactic and loyalty being put into a god damn drink?

New Comic Day 06/04/2008

2008-06-04T19:46:00.007-04:00

New comic day is upon us once again. Luckily, after the serious hurt that last week put on my wallet, this one was a much smaller haul. This week I bought...

Let's take a little look at the highlights for the week.

AMERICAN DREAM #3
If I’ve never mentioned it before, one of my favorite runs in comic book history was the Stern/Byrne run on Captain America (which brought us such gems as the Machinesmith and Cap’s run for presidency). This series reminds me a whole lot of those kind of storylines. Just enough mystery in the plot, a really compelling title character who does a great job of capturing the essence of old Captain America, really this book has everything you could want in a simple, fun read. My only gripe with the series so far has been these two villains behind the scenes who never seemed to actually do much of anything. This issue seems to mark the beginning of their involvement in the actual plot itself, which should be interesting. I’m upset that there are only going to be two more issues of this.

INVINCIBLE IRON MAN #2
I’m going to sum up why you should by this book in just six words. Mental. Organism. Designed. Only. For. Genocide.

Carry on.

KICK-ASS #3
I’ve heard some people saying that the plot progression in this book is to slow. To that I have to ask, why do you hate everything that is good? Saying you don’t like this story, especially after the twist in this issue, is like saying you don’t like pictures of adorable puppies and kitties snuggling each other in a laundry basket. I mean, isn’t that just the cutest thing ever? Seriously, I challenge someone to show me something cuter. Wait, what were we talking about again?

A small amount of reviews for a small weekly haul. What did you guys buy today?

In which Ryan reviews the movie 'Pinocchio In Outer Space'

2008-05-31T01:34:00.006-04:00

Another movie review? Yeah, it kinda looks like that's the case.

As you can see from that image, this is the greatest movie ever made. Pinocchio In Outer Space was created in Belgium, and then released in North America by Universal Pictures in 1965. It was actually the second animated film that Universal ever released. After this movie they didn't release any more animated films for over 20 years. That's how bad this movie is.

The plot is pretty simple. You know that story about Pinocchio? You remember, puppet gets turned into a real boy, something about noses growing and stuff. Well, this is kind of a sequel. Much in the same way that Weekend At Bernie's 2 was a sequel. Same central characters, but with a plot that really stretches the storyline in a much more awesome direction. In this case, it involves flying around in a spaceship.

We start our movie with a shot of an old lady and a princess with no nose sitting in space-rockers and doing some knitting. I am totally not kidding about this. Apparently space is just as boring as your grandma's house. Anyways, as the two are knitting, they fill us in with the story up to now. Apparently since we last saw Pinocchio, he's been busy being a total asshole to the point where he actually got turned back into a puppet. On top of that, the world is being tormented by a giant, rocket-powered space whale named Astro. Again, not kidding.

We then join Pinocchio as he does his astronomy homework. You know, because that's the kind of thing a puppet who is roughly the equivalent to a 9-year-old would normally be doing, especially at a point in history where there is still high demand for toys cobbled out of wood. Anyways, after a jaunty tune, Pinocchio decides the best way to become a real boy again is to save the world from the space whale. And, like any good, critical-thinking puppet, he decides to do so by learning hypnotism to convince the giant space whale that he is instead a giant space penguin. No fucking joke.

Lucky for him a spaceship lands nearby and he is greeted by his new bestest buddy Nurtle the Twurtle (not to be confused with a turtle, mind you). Pinocchio suggests that he could use his completely untrained hypnosis powers to help Nurtle defeat Astro. Nurtle, in his infinite wisdom, decides to accept Pinocchio's claims at face value and takes the youngster up into space. They go to Mars to investigate some strange atomic radiation. Once they arrive, they locate a city that has apparently just been sitting there on the planet's surface all this time. Then they are attacked by a horde of giant space crabs. After narrowly escaping the giant crabs, they fly over the city until they spot some spaceships, which Nurtle reminds us is proof of an advanced civilization on Mars. Yeah, like the giant spanning space city didn't tip us off.

Upon further investigation, they find some regular-sized sand crabs and some scorpions hanging out in some pits with fancy science equipment. Then, you guessed it, giant space scorpion attack. Shortly after, space scorpion is joined by unidentified giant space lizard who chases him away. At this point, after the whale and the crabs and the scorpion, Pinocchio finally notices that there are giant animals afoot. Pinocchio is not very smart. Oh, wait, now there's also a spider. I'm assuming somewhere on a cutting room floor in Belgium, there are countless scenes of random giant animals being all badass. Really, you can only afford to fit so many of them into this film until it no longer counts as a film about Pinocchio.

Or so you might think. But, then they find themselves face-to-face with a giant space turtle. You know, I think I just figured something out. There are giant animals in this movie. They barely make it to their rocketship and escape, just before the gigantic atomic blast that destroys the entire Martian city. For realsies. But, just when you think our heroes are safely on their way back to Earth, Astro attacks and swallows them whole. Sound familiar? Yeah, it did to me too.

Luckily, the whale comes equipped with a spout, which they fly out of to safety, although they accidentally bend their stabilizer fin in the process, which causes them to spiral uncontrollably. Unfortunately, Astro catches wise to their escape plan and takes pursuit. Pinocchio decides to try his hypnosis skills on the whale. Surprise, they don't work. Luckily, the spinning of the ship actually does hypnotize him. This allows them to tie their ship to his tail and point him in the direction of Earth. Unfortunately, now their on a collision course for our planet, which means Pinocchio has to do the heroic thing by putting an anchor in Astro's tailpipe or something along those lines. Whatever it is, it seems to work. Astro stops, they make it back to Earth and everyone lives happily ever after.

Oh, and Pinocchio becomes a real boy. What a twist!

All in all, a bad movie, but not as unbearable as Shrooms. I give this one 3 out of 5 Torgos.

New Comic Day 05/29/2008

2008-05-30T13:19:00.010-04:00

First off, let me apologize for the late update here. Apparently after delaying the book sales for a day, Diamond thought it was a good idea to send my store's books to Iowa instead of Georgia. But, now I've got them and I've read them, and it's time for you to act like you care what I thought about them. Let's take a look at this week's list.

If you look closely, you'll notice that there are a suspiciously larger amount of DC comics than I usually buy. Honestly, I think it's the most DC comics I've ever bought at the same time. Though, really, this is the most comics I've bought all at once in a while. Let's take a look at this weeks highlights and lowlights.

ACTION COMICS #865 I'm not usually much of a "Superman person", but any comic that features both Toyman AND Jimmy Olsen as the main focal points is worth picking up. This one didn't disappoint.

ANGEL: REVELATIONS #1 An origins book about one of my favorite Marvel characters of all time. It's good to see Mr. Worthington presented in a way that doesn't make me want to strangle him (as he has in almost every incarnation on page and screen since X-Factor #1). The art is much different than what I normally go for, but somehow it just seems to work with this particular story. If you've got any interest in the title character at all, I'd recommend picking up this mini-series from the start.

BLUE BEETLE #27 I've heard nothing but good reviews about this series and, honestly, I've been meaning to start picking it up for a long time now. Really the only thing keeping me from doing it is my own OCD about coming into a storyline halfway in. After all the big to-do being made on the internet about issue #26, I decided it was time for me to finally break down and hop on board. I gotta say, this book absolutely rocks. Just the right amount of humor and action, this could easily become my favorite DC book (take THAT, Green Arrow/Black Canary).

DAREDEVIL #107 Well I couldn't rightly pass up sucking Ed Brubaker's dick again this week about my favorite comic series of all time. To be fair to the whole writing staff, I guess Greg Rucka gets a reach-around. All homoeroticism aside, this book yet again hits everything right on the mark. The art is terrific, the plot is well executed, and it's got Luke Fucking Cage and Daredevil getting KRUNKK in it. Were this any other writing team penning a plot about any other Marvel character, this would be right about the time in the series where I complain about the title character being too much of a sissy bitch and lose interest. But somehow, I can't help but forgive Matt Murdock for pulling a Spider-Man 3.

FINAL CRISIS #1 (OF 7) I readily admit, I have no real clue about DC continuity up to this point. I haven't followed Countdown or any of the other stuff that has been prepping the DCU for Final Crisis (aside from the first few issues of Death of the New Gods, which I dropped at issue 2). But, I really can't justify passing up on multiverse changing events, so (on the suggestion of Alex) I decided to pick this up. The art is fantastic, and really the first few pages featuring Metron are pretty classic. After that, I was pretty much lost. I'm still planning on picking up the rest of the run, but for now I can say it's not at the top of my read list.

MARVEL 1985 #1 Well, it's official. Between Kick-Ass and this book, Mark Millar is too good of a writer not to have sold his soul. I imagine several demons hunched over old typewriters making books that are far too awesome, while Millar sits in his La-Z-Boy watching South Park and eating cheez-its. If you didn't buy this book and you have ever been a child, I'd recommend you stop reading some stupid blog (not this one, which is perfection embodied, mind you) and go buy this book. It's fantastic.

NEW AVENGERS #41 Mr. Bendis, I want to apologize for saying that you were a douchebag with absolutely zero writing talent. Obviously you've just been fooling us all these years by pretending to suck. Then again, I could just be saying that because of the giant dinosaur on the first page.

NEW WARRIORS #12 It's good to finally see an issue of New Warriors that doesn't completely focus around the new Night Thrasher and how much of a dick he is. As heroes, I don't really car much for most of the characters, but this issue has finally taken the time to flesh them out beyond "a bunch of whiny super-brats" and into some surprisingly cool survivalists. This one is saved from the chopping block for now.

WOLVERINE: FIRST CLASS #3 I'm almost completely certain that the New Men are one of the greatest group of secondary characters ever written for comic books. They're the kind of folks you can completely forget even exist until they turn up again in a book like this. And, really, any book that features a lady with a cow head and Wolverine being called "Weasel Man" more than his actual name is a winner in my book.

In which Ryan reviews the movie 'Shrooms'

2008-05-26T20:31:00.007-04:00

I try to keep this blog generally comic and/or superhero themed. But, sometimes things just come along that are too fantastic not to discuss. In this case, it is a masterpiece of modern horror cinema known as Shrooms.

This movie follows 6 college-aged kids who decide to go out into the backwoods of Ireland and trip their nuts off on psychedelic mushrooms. The kids are as follows:

Troy: The hippie stoner kid. This guy is pretty blatantly a direct rip-off of Jay (from Kevin Smith's movies) but without all the funny jokes and things that make you hope he doesn't die. Troy is basically in this movie for two reasons.

A) To constantly tell his girlfriend to calm down

B) To get brutally murdered

Holly: Troy's hippie girlfriend. For some unknown reason, Holly doesn't shave her underarms, but unexplainably has smooth, freshly shaven legs. She exists pretty much only to be killed.

Bluto: The jock. Bluto is the tough-guy of our troupe. He openly admits to using steroids, and has two rings on each hand. One says "Death" and the other says "Coma". He also wants to fuck anything that moves

Lisa: Bluto's girlfriend, who is a total bitch to everyone all the time. That's pretty much it.

Tara: The central character of the story, Tara is one of the few who doesn't fit into an easy classification. She exists to make you want to kill her yourself.

Jake: The only semi-likable character in the bunch. Jake is an Irish guy who these kids know somehow. He's like that guy in high school who knew everything there was to know about drugs and everyone thought he was so cool, but then everyone had to generally straighten up after college and so now he hangs out with high school kids. The only difference is that these kids aren't in high school.

They never really explain how these people all know each other, which really wouldn't be a big deal, except for the fact that almost from the very start of the movie they all hate each others guts. That's really all you get to know about them. What they don't tell you straight-forward is that these kids are the smartest people alive. Which is what makes the movie so hard to grasp, because it seems like they make all the right choices, but still somehow they end up getting chased by a psycho.

They get off their plane and hop in Jake's van to drive out to the woods where they'll be picking the shrooms. On the way there, they see a car parked out in the woods, which prompts Jake to explain the concept of "dogging" to his friends. Apparently dogging is where a couple parks their car in the woods and has hot make-outs while other people watch. Then they flash the cars lights which tells the onlookers that they can approach the car and get a BJ from the passengers. Make sense? Yeah, didn't for me either. They also run into some hobos. Anywho, they reach their destination and set out to pick some mushrooms. This is when we learn that apparently there are two kinds of shrooms growing this season. The normal kind you want to take, and the Death's Head Mushroom, which looks exactly the same, except for a little black dot on it.

The Death's Head will apparently do one of two things:

A) Kill you very painfully

B) Give you crazy psychic powers that show you how people are going to die.

Guess what happens next!

You guessed it, Tara eats one and starts having a seizure. Unfortunately, she survives. They all head back to camp to start boiling their mushroom tea and Jake decides to tell the story of a giant brutal massacre that occurred at a home for unruly children on the very land they are camping at. Apparently the guys who ran the place were sadists and tortured the kids, so the kids put a few pounds of death's head shrooms in their soup and then everyone went crazy and killed each other, except for two of them who were never seen again. He then proceeds to tell them about how people are always finding dead, mutilated bodies in the area during mushroom-picking season. They decide to stick around anyways because, like I said, they're geniuses.

That night Bluto and Lisa have an argument, so Bluto decides it's a good idea to drink half their mushroom tea, vomit all over himself, and then take a stroll into the woods by himself. On the way, he meets a talking cow. No really, I'm not joking. After talking to the cow, he spots that car they had seen on the way there, and sees that it's lights are flashing. Obviously from what we know about Bluto, he can't resist getting a little action from some strangers. So he goes over and pops his willy into the window. And, it gets bitten off then he gets an axe to the head or something. While this is happening, Tara is having another seizure and dreaming about the exact same thing.

They all awake the next morning to find Bluto gone, so they figure the best thing to do would be to drink some shroom tea themselves and wander into the woods to look for him. They find him all dead and shit, which causes them to lose it and run around in the woods for a while. For some reason, even though they just saw his dead body with a big blood hole in it's head, nobody seems to think that maybe they should get the hell out of there. Instead they decide to argue amongst themselves and stare off into the woods a lot.

I might want to sidetrack here and explain that about 70% of the footage for this movie is just long shots of nothing but trees and empty hallways, interspersed by a shot of Tara looking all freaked out and then screaming and running.

Anywho, in order to solve the mystery, they decide to split up and meet back at the abandoned children's home. Scooby and Shaggy go this way, and... oh wait, wrong review. The three ladies go one way, and the remaining men go the other. Holly gets split from her friends and gets killed. We then see Tara having another seizure by the edge of a lake, which is followed by her telling Lisa that Holly is dead and is in the water. Lisa finds Holly and decides to ditch her friend and walks off into the bog. Tara has another seizure/premonition about Lisa, so she decides to follow her. Lisa dies.

Tara decides that the best idea is to just keep walking around in the water some more on the way over to where they had agreed to meet the guys. Because really, when you have a history of debilitating seizures, what could be safer than standing in waist-deep water? Then we get to the death of Troy, which was surprisingly really uninteresting. He just kind of goes away. This prompts Jake to freak out and jump out of the window and break his legs.

Tara finds him and they start walking back to civilization and live happily ever after. Actually, the killer finds them and kills Jake too. Which is unfortunate, because then we're really just left with the one person we wanted to die from the start.

Really all that's left now is the big surprise twist ending that you probably already saw coming from the first 5 minutes. But, I'm not going to ruin it for you. Watch it yourself.

All in all, I give this movie 4 out of 5 Torgo's

Can I have your attention please...

2008-05-26T15:11:00.002-04:00

A few months ago, I asked my friend Blockade Boy to do a redesign of one of the worst superhero costumes of all time. Looks like he got the email, go check out his fantastic Rusty Collins v2.0.

Snack time is fun time!

2008-05-17T01:34:00.003-04:00

The makers of Lego Fun Snacks would like to remind you that:

Grape + Cherry = Graperry.

These are the most frustrating fruit snacks I've ever eaten. They list 4 flavors on the box. Strawberry, Grape, Orange, and Cherry. However, inside the packages there are 6 colors! And some of them don't really seem to make any sense.

Red: Cherry
Orange: Orange
Yellow: ??
Green: Strawberry (for unknown reasons)
Blue: ??
Purple: Grape

I've assumed yellow to be some kind of lemon flavor, but what the fuck is blue?

Somebody tell me!

EPIC BATTLE!

2008-05-13T21:03:00.001-04:00

In case any of you missed the end to Spider-Man 3...

So I can get to stompin in my Ayre Force vol 1.

2008-05-13T17:18:00.004-04:00

Ok, before I get into this review, I have to go ahead and warn you all. This is probably going to be a bit different from any other reviews I've ever posted on this blog before. Mainly because every book I've ever reviewed here before was fun to read, if not at least amusingly unbearable. This book, however, is terrible.

I can generally determine how bad a book was by comparing the time it takes to read it by the amount of pages/dialog in the book. This book has 80 pages and it took me 5 days to finish it. Now, often I can pass off a timespan like that by looking at how busy I was with other things during those times, but I can't do that for this one. I honestly sat and stared at the cover of this book for an hour at one point, trying to convince myself to open it back up and keep reading.

So, I decided to take one for the team and struggle my way through the rest of the book and finally get the warning out to everyone. You guys owe me. Let's get on with the review.

The book opens with the Ayre Force team on a mission to southern china to raid a facility owned by sterotypical evil scientist Janus Winter. This particular facility happens to specialize in bear bile farming. Honestly, I laughed when I read that. But then I looked it up and realized it was a real thing. Apparently they stick a big needle into a bears liver and suck out all the bile to use in some traditional chinese medicine. Generally it is unbelievably painful and unpleasant for the animal, and frequently results in death. OK, well played Mr. Ayre, I can't argue that you are officially not the biggest dick in this comic book. But, after reading the whole book through, I feel like the bears got off easier that the reader.

But anyways, they stop the bad guys, and I'm almost ready to accept that maybe Calvin Ayre isn't the biggest jerk of a protagonist ever. And then he locks them in cages and blows them the fuck up with grenades, after expressing just how much he enjoys doing that.

Now, it may just be me, but I'd love to see where in Mr. Ayre's copy of "Business for Dummies" it recommends depicting yourself as a homocidal vigilante without any remorse for butchering a dozen human beings. But, I'm not going to get myself on that rant just now, because this is where the book actually delivers the one thing you'd probably expect a company that specializes in things dudes like. Explosions and car chases. Really the next 3 pages could be nothing but explosions, and you'd still walk away with the same impression. The dialog is basically just your standard action hero "blowing stuff up is just another day on the job" filler. So, they drive their motorcycles all the way to their big, inconspicuous camouflaged airplane, where they are greeted by none other than Janus Winter's three genetically hybrid children, who have the relative powers of a chameleon, a lion, and a cheetah.

At this point, you will quite likely find yourself wondering what a gun tastes like.

So, fast forward a bit, we find out that apparently Calvin Ayre is really a former secret agent who quit and apparently decided to lay low by starting a multi-billion dollar company and being an egocentric douchebag. We then see shots of Calvin assembling the members of Ayre Force (I did mention that all of the team members are based off of actual employees of Bodog Entertainment, right?). So, in this team-building montage we learn that apparently all the members of Ayre Force were already well-established safe-crackers, data thieves, and eco-terrorists.

Really I'd write more, but there's not much to the rest of the book after we see the team forming. They basically just switch right back to their plot device of "EPIC BATTLE!" for the rest of the book. And in the end, Calvin Ayre douches his way to victory, Janus Winter is dead, and his mutant kids are already planning the sequel.

Fuck. A sequel.

The new phone books are here!

2008-05-08T12:33:00.004-04:00

7-11 days my ass. UPS just showed up with my copy of Ayre Force. Thankfully, a lot thinner than I had originally thought, so that means less of a headache.

I should be done with this and able to review later today.

Also, one of the writers is named Slutsky. heh heh.

UPDATE:
This is pretty excruciating. Give me until tomorrow.

New Comics Day 05/07/2008

2008-05-07T19:23:00.006-04:00

Well, today is New Comic Day and I'm faced with a bit of a conundrum. None of my comics sucked this week! How the hell do they expect me to make fun of their comics if they make them so good? Let's take a look at some of the highlights...Avengers/Invaders #1
After last weeks disappointment with the giant size intro, I was a bit unsure about this one, but it turned out to be a a good issue in what appears to be a really promising series. But really, any series that features Bucky running around in his old clown suit is A-O.K. in my book.

Cable #3
With Olivetti's art behind this series, it could be about cable playing a game of ping-pong and I'd still buy it. Unfortunately, this issue offers absolutely zero table tennis action. What it did offer was a surprisingly funny penis joke on the part of Bishop. Really, as I've said before, this series has completely changed my outlook of Cable. Of course, that probably has something to do with the fact that they've basically changed him into Hulk Hogan from Mr. Nanny.

Invincible Iron Man #1
This issue has fucking 6 different covers to choose from! I understand that Iron Man is Marvels meal ticket right now, but I thought we were done with the 90's. Anyways, once I got past that fact and really got into the meat of the book, I have to say, it's made me hate this current Iron Man persona a little less. The villain and his premise look to be pretty interesting in the long run, if not a bit insubstantial in this first issue. I can't wait to hear the back story here.

Iron Man: Viva Las Vegas
This is quite possibly the greatest Iron Man story to come out in the recent years. Mostly because it's out of continuity and heavily influenced by the movie. So we get to see Stark back to his old boozing and womanizing self. Not to mention that the entire premise of the threat to Las Vegas in this issue is "Ewww, Lizards!". That's one step up from "Eeeek! A Mouse!".

Punisher War Journal #19
After earning the Worst of Wednesday award a few weeks back, I felt that I had to include this issue in my highlights this week. This issue was really fucking good. It really did a great job of trying up all the absolutely confusing loose ends that the last issue left, and even made me forget about Chaykin's art. I have now regained hope that this series can continue to produce the goods, even without Olivetti's art. Well played, Mr. Fraction.

X-Factor: The Quick and The Dead #1
Another surprising one. When I look at it from a logical standpoint, it doesn't quite make sense to me. This book has the words 'X-Factor' on the cover, it's focused on one of my least favorite comic characters of all time, and it is largely about a guy talking to himself. Everything about this book tells me that it should suck, but it doesn't. I really, really liked it. Hopefully Quicksilver will continue not to suck for many years to come.

The War That Time Forgot #1
Dinosaurs. Explosions.

'Nuff Said.

HOLY SHIT YES!

2008-05-06T20:43:00.010-04:00

Just heard about the next batch of Marvel movies coming out in the upcoming years. Might I just say, once again, holy shit yes. I don't really have much else to add, so I'll just provide a direct quote from marvel.com:

You might want to be sitting down for this one, True Believers...Okay, you ready?

This morning Marvel Studios announced four new films slated for 2010 and 2011, including two Avengers-related movies!

With Iron Man's cinematic debut currently blasting through box offices throughout the country, fans can expect a second film to hit theaters on April 30, 2010! And a few months later in July, the mighty Thor himself will wield his enchanted hammer across the big screen courtesy of director Matthew Vaughn!

Pumped yet? You should be—and you haven't heard the best part! The summer of 2011 will kick off in style with a Captain America movie, followed just two short months later with the July-debuting Avengers!

Want the very first looks at how the Marvel movie universe is already tying together? Be sure you stick to your seats until the very end of "Iron Man"—yes, all the way through the credits! There's an extra special, extra exciting, extra scene guaranteed to thrill!

Plus, as first revealed at New York Comic-Con 2008, catch Robert Downey, Jr.'s cameo as Tony Stark in "The Incredible Hulk," smashing into theaters on June 13!

That noise you hear in the background is the sound of Marvelites the world over rejoicing, True Believer! So get ready, because these next few years are going to be one heck of a good time!

I don't think the Iron-Man sequel is any surprise to anyone who saw the movie. Actually, let me interrupt my own self with a question to you, the reader. Am I the only one who experienced the strange emotion of wanting to vomit and scream for joy at the scene where Rhodes looks at the other suit and says "next time"? Now, you may think I'm exaggerating there, but I'm not. The corniness of it literally make me throw-up in my mouth a little, but holy shit war machine. I can't imagine what would really happen if one were to puke while screaming, but I think it would likely not bode well for the cleaning crew. If anyone wants to make a video of themselves doing that and put it up on youtube, I'll be glad to send you a free WIFL T-Shirt.

Anyways, back to movies. Iron Man 2, no big surprise. Really, Avengers is no big surprise either. But what about Thor and Captain America?

Thor is already facing a 25/75 chance of flopping outside of the fanboy community. Don't get me wrong, I love me some Thor. I just don't think he's the kind of character that Joe Everyman thinks of when he wants to go see a Marvel-based flick. I know at least two people (Myself, and the late David "pookyface" Campbell) who would kill an adorable puppy (don't tell my girlfriend!) for a Thor movie, but is everyone else that dedicated? I guess, on the plus side, it means that he's probably going to be in the Avengers movie. Which means I can die a happy man.

The announcement of the Captain America movie was probably my biggest moment of fanboy rapture, though. Cap has always been my favorite character. And really the long, agonizing 3-year wait really has me hopeful. I'm hoping that 3 years will give them plenty of time to make it really good.

Oh also....

COUNTDOWN TO AYRE FORCE

After a full two weeks of arduous procrastination, I finally broke down and ordered my copy of Ayre Force vol 1 from their website. According to my shipping choice, it will take 7-11 business days to arrive. So, I've decided to host a little countdown of my own, as DC's draws to a close.

I will be making a post a day-ish for the next 7-11 days*.

*this does not actually mean I'll do that, but you have to admire my idealism, right?

It's that time of the week again, kiddies!

2008-04-30T19:52:00.010-04:00

Time for your booster shot of comics! Now, instead of keeping with what seems to have been my weekly tradition of just coming in on Wednesday to gripe with a Worst of Wednesday post, I'm going to mix it up. I'm going to talk about all the comics I bought, in down right Simsian style. But first, a graphic!So, let's talk about comics, shall we?

Avengers: The Initiative #12
This issue has saved the book in my opinion. After all the 'KIA' fiasco going on over the past few issues I was ready to call it quits on the book which has really been the only stable purchase since I started writing this little blog here. I mean, ok, so the guy had fused himself with what is, if I may quote Henry Gyrich "the deadliest weapon in the universe". But, even so, I find it hard to imagine anyone being terrified and/or killed by someone named after a line of affordable economy sedans. This book, luckily, a lot less stupid shit and people getting shot. Oh my god.. Did I just say that?

Giant Sized Avenger/Invaders #1
Am I the only one who is getting a bit tired of Marvel rehashing old comics with a new cover and trying to sell it as something new and exciting? Granted, I actually like the stories inside. Mostly my dismay comes from the fact that there was no warning on the front to telling me that it was just a bunch of stuff I've already read. Not all of us have time to spend reading the descriptions of every upcoming release, Marvel. Of course, that's just the way you want it, isn't it? I know how you work, Marvel...

Daredevil: Blood of the Tarantula #1
I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Black Tarantula needs his own series. Or at least to be a regularly occurring character in the Daredevil series. Another big win for Brubaker and Parks. Everything about this book is just awesome. If you're still not getting the picture here, let me spell out why you need to buy this book. Black Tarantula beats a drug dealer with a toy pony. For fucking serious. Fuck my blog. Turn off your computer and go read this comic. The internet will be here when you get back.

New Avengers #40
Well, this series has really taken a turn for the better as of late. And by that I mean that Leinell Yu isn't drawing for it anymore. Unfortunately, Bendis is still writing it, and this is one of those issues that really doesn't let you forget that. Let's start with the fact that really none of the new avengers are in this book at all. The closest we get is a clone of Reed Richards and a holograph of Spider-Woman. Otherwise, this book is skrull city. Although, I have to say, naming the planet Satriani was a clever move. Well played, Mr. Bendis...

New Warriors #11
Between the Stephen Colbert presidential ad hanging in the diner and getting to watch Sofia be a total catty bitch to some reporter, this is another issue that saved a series from the chopping block for me. The series up to this point has mostly just been a bunch of kids whining and bitching about how much it sucks to be the new warriors, and then agreeing at the end that being a new warrior is awesome. This one is mostly that, but for some reason it was a little easier to stomach.

The Order #10
I have to say, for a book that has been so hit-and-miss for me lately for most of the run, this last issue really pulled through and made me like the book. Maybe it was the fact that the main villain looks like an evil version of Harry Potter. Maybe it's the panel where an angry mob brain Anthem with a brick (which apparently makes the vowel-less sound "WHD"). Whatever it was, this issue was so badass. It makes me sad to think that this is the end of the line for the series.

X-Men Legacy #210
SPOILER ALERT! My friends, say hello to the Worst of Wednesday. This issue sucks. Really, this whole "legacy" run is pretty terrible in general. The one saving grace for this issue is that the artists somehow found a way make the sentinels look even sillier than they ever have before. And that takes talent.

That's all for now, see you guys next week!

Pardon or delay...

2008-04-23T21:36:00.002-04:00

We apologize for the inconvenience, but today's Worst of Wednesday post is being temporarily delayed until Ryan is able to locate, purchase, and read a copy of Ayre Force #1.

Sorry,

The Management

Worst of Wednesday 2008.04.16

2008-04-16T19:10:00.011-04:00

It's official, I fucking hate X-Factor. After only really knowing the series from the very first roster, I got back into reading the series during the Messiah CompleX story arc and have carried over into the new Divided We Stand crossovers as well.

Now, I'll admit, I've hated the book ever since I started picking it up last year. Really I only bought because I figure if I'm going to follow a story arc, there's no sense in skipping over just one book. I think the characters are all stupid, the dialog is poorly written, and the plot up to this point has, in the few points where it is not just two guys standing around on the street talking to each other, seemed to mainly focus around "What are the X-men doing right now? Let's go check that out." But then I saw the cover to issue 30
Ok, I'm just going to cut to the chase here. In case you're absolutely fucking blind, let me just go ahead and let you know that Arcade is the bad guy in this issue. Arcade. That alone got me pretty excited in itself, as Arcade usually means "robot clowns" or "giant pinball machine". Any comic book that has Arcade as the bad guy is going to filled with a lot of crazy carnival-themed death traps and is going to be an absolute joy to read.

Except this one, that is. No fucking clowns. No fun and zany traps. What this issue did have was threats of castration, a man rolling around on a huge boulder for what can only be assumed is half the plot of the entire issue (he disappears about 1/4 of the way into it, but appears later to hit someone with the same giant boulder), people being shot, and a man who has nowhere else to turn to in life giving a sad two page monologue all while slowly killing himself by drinking poision.

Not funny at all! Really, not very entertaining in general. Any comic that can make Arcade a lame villain has got to be the worst comic ever written.

But, to give them the benefit of the doubt, Arcade has the greatest socks ever seen in a comic book.

Just a quick tip...

2008-04-03T21:13:00.004-04:00

If you're not already reading Image's New World Order,(cover of New World Order #1)

Go buy the first three issues. Now. You won't regret it.

Worst of Wednesday

2008-04-03T18:34:00.005-04:00

Well, my stack of new comics this week has inspired me to start up one of those new segments that I only used once and then forget about. This segment is called Worst of Wednesday, and it is where I will highlight the absolute worst comic I bought that particular week.

This first installment actually has me feeling pretty sad. This is because I am going to have to nominate what, up until very recently, has been one of my favorite books. I'm talking about Punisher War Journal #18I can't pinpoint what exactly about this book that makes it seem like such a dog turd cmpared to the rest of the run. It's difficult because every single thing about this book is just terrible. Someone thought it would be a fun idea to take Ariel Olivetti's absolutely amazing artwork and replace it with something that Howard Chaykin's cat painted on accident. Chaykin ranks right up there with Leinil Yu as far as really bad art goes, so to make such a random jump from this:
To this:
just completely kills the book from the start in my opinion. But I figured "Hey, bad art or not, I can still get into Matt Fraction's badass writing on this one!"

Turns out I was wrong. Don't get me wrong, I like a lot of Fraction's work, but the dialog in this issue sounds like it was written by Howard Chaykin's cat. Now, I know most of you have never met Howard Chaykin's cat, but let's just say he doesn't quite have a mastery of the english language.

I honestly just don't know what to do here. I love this series, but with Olivetti gone, it really just feels like an entirely different book. I don't even think I can be funny about this one right now...

Nazi Stomping

2008-04-01T20:11:00.012-04:00

Recently I realized something. There is one key factor that makes a comic book great. That factor is Adolf Hitler.

Now, before you write the angry emails, think about. Was there ever a greater point of history in comic books than during World War 2? I don't think anyone can deny that any comic that features Captain America or Superman taking Hitler over his knee and spanking him is probably the greatest comic ever. So, I decide to help bring the joys of fighting Nazis to the world of tabletop nerd games. I had Dale make me a Hitler heroclix.
Hitler is on a custom dial that is (as far as the numerical stats go) based on Captain America. I chose Cap' because it was as close as I could think of to a normal human being while still being powerful. Also, I thought it was kind of funny irony. Let's take a look at his dial.
Hitler enters battle with a stunning combination of Mind Control, Impervious, and Leadership to simulate his ability to persuade people to do his bidding (in this case, protect him from his opponents). 4 clicks in and he starts to get scared. He loses Leadership, but it is replaced with Mastermind, as he commands his troops to throw themselves in front of the oncoming attacks. As the dial winds down, he loses his Mind Control and eventually hits rock bottom and poisons himself for a KO.

All in all, a pretty fun to play character. Of course, you can never actually bust Hitler out at the gaming table, because then everyone knows you are the kind of guy who would pay good money to pretend his is Hitler. But, that point aside, there is much more to this than just a single figure. There are also bystander tokens!

That's right, what custom clix post would be complete without a few fun new bystander tokens to dream up scenarios with. Let's take a look at what we have for this round.

We start with the standard Nazi soldier. There's not really much to say about this guy. He's carries a gun, so I gave him good range. But, since we all know from reading WW2-era comics that a Nazi soldier could not hit a target standing 4 feet in front of him, his actual attack points are a bit lacking. Then we move into the more modern day scenarios with 2 Neo-Nazi bystander tokens.
The Neo-Nazi Muscle is that racist jerk that everyone has met at least once. Big enough to really kick your ass if you piss him off, but generally content to sit on the couch with a Budweiser and talk about building a fence to 'keep the illegals out'. Of course, you're really in trouble if you get him pissed after he's had a few of those beers. For the sake of this scenario, let's say that's what is happening now.
Then we have the mysterious character known as "Klaus". Who is Klaus, and why doesn't he have a more well-defined name? The world may never know. (Although really, it's just creative laziness on my part).

These 3 tokens are all based on pre-existing ones made by Wizkids, so technically they are all legal pieces for your gaming experience. This next one, not so much. This last pog was inspired by the very outstanding comic book Invaders #32. This issue finds The Invaders matching blows with The Mighty Thor, who apparently thought it was a good idea to be a Nazi. I now present to you Nazi Thor.Nazi Thor is a pog you do not want to fuck with. He's got Leap/Climb (to simulate his ability to fly), Super Strength, Toughness, and Ranged Combat Expert (for when he throws his mighty hammer at your ass) and a range of 6. Not to mention that his stats are pretty insanely high for a bystander token. Of course, with a point value of 50, he's not exactly something you'll be using too often.

So, there you have it. All you need to relive the wonderful years of 1937-1945. Have fun, and Buy War Bonds!

Friday Night Fights: Konckout!! Round 12

2008-03-28T18:02:00.004-04:00

This terrible racism brought to you by The Naked Prey
"O-out of ammunition! Have to us Bahlactus... like a... club!

Friday Night Fights: Knockout!!! Round 8

2008-02-22T18:12:00.004-05:00

We're here in Anthony's Fine Dining in Atlanta, Georgia, where we've switched their regular coffee with new Bahlactus. Let's see if anyone notices.

Don't fuck with Bushmaster

2008-02-20T17:11:00.008-05:00

As I mentioned a few posts ago, I contacted a guy who makes custom Heroclix figures. Here's a bit of his amazing work. I present to you, the Bushmaster.
This figure was made by my new friend, known to many of us in the blogging world as totaltoyz. I am really impressed! The detail on this thing is amazing. It sits on a Sabretooth base, I believe an Experienced dial from the Universe set. We've seen the figure, let's check out the dial.
He's got Stealth, because let's face it, Bushmaster will slither up behind you and kill your ass. Blades/Claws/Fangs because he's got big freaking knives stuck to his hands. Toughness kind of goes without saying. Then we get to Regeneration, which I admit doesn't really fit, but oh well. And lastly Battle Fury. I think we can all agree there.

If you're looking for some custom 'clix. Send him a message through ebay, it's well worth your money!

Another one of those youtube posts

2008-02-17T09:59:00.002-05:00

Ok, so i've been hunting around for episodes of the Super Friends on the internet, and came across a few selected scenes on YouTube. Now, I've just got to say, what the hell is wrong with this cartoon. I mean, I realize that it was made for children, who generally don't give a crap about "stuff being even remotely based in reality", but COME ON! Watch this clip and tell me, do any of these brilliant plans make any sense at all? Do they?

Friday Night Fights: Tek World!

2008-02-15T18:00:00.003-05:00

When Shatner writes the rules
the faces go WHOKK!

So Says Bahlactus

Bully made me do it.

2008-02-15T12:57:00.001-05:00

Bored at work. Blame Bully and Church for this one.
What does it mean? I dunno...

Teeny weeny magic beanie

2008-02-13T19:58:00.007-05:00

One of the biggest perks to being a comic book geek is that you very rarely run out of stuff to do. This is because the realm of comics is multi-faceted. It's not just comics. You also have video games, television shows, unbelievably hilarious blogs, movies, and the pinnacle of all things dorky...

Table Top Gaming

That's right, today we're going to be talking about Heroclix. Now, I'll admit, I've never actually played a game of Heroclix against another actual living human being, but I like the game. I own a lot of the pieces, and I like to kill time every now and then building new themed teams and coming up with strategies and stuff. I just don't actually play it, mostly because people who play table top games are big smelly nerds who have no friends except lame-o skeezoids. This is a fact of life. For me, Heroclix is more of a creative outlet for my imagination. If I want to see a showdown between Jarvis and the Incredible Hulk, by George, I can do it!

Of course, there are limitations. Wizkids (the folks who make the game) only create so many character sets at a time, and you'd damn well better believe that out of every character set at least 3 figures are going to be wasted on yet another Wolverine. But that's where the fun and creativity gets even more... well, fun and creative. I'm talking 'bout customs bitch!

Today I bring you a custom Heroclix token which I hope fills a gap that I feel has been blatantly obvious to anyone who has ever played the game. They have DC Heroclix, They have Marvel Heroclix, but where the fuck are the ARCHIE HEROCLIX?

So, tonight, I present to you the Forsythe Pendleton "Jughead" Jones III/Captain Hero Double Sided pog!This pog costs only 15 points towards your overall team score, and really offers a neat little addition to any team. I tried to make the actual characters stand out in the abilities and powers granted to them. Let's take a look at Jughead first.Everyone knows that Jughead is the fastest runner in Riverdale. I tried to illustrate that by giving him a speed of 10. This is greatly increased over the other Archie pogs I have in the works. I also gave him Outwit because we all remember that time he convinced Moose that he'd ALREADY beaten up Reggie, that's called outwitting someone. Jughead is a smart dude, and his pog shows it.

On the flip side of the coin (pun TOTALLY freaking intended) we have Jughead's super-hero alter-ego from the Super-Teens story arc, Captain Hero. But, before we get into Captain Hero's stats, I have to explain to you a special rule for using this character. Before you can flip over the token, you have to say the magic phrase. Just like Jughead did in the comics.

"Teeny weeny magic beanie,
Pointing towards the sky;
Give me muscle, power, vigor,
Form a super guy!"

So, you have to say that. Out loud. In front of your friends. No, actually, even if you're just alone in your room and want to look at the other side of the pog you HAVE to say it. Hell, if you're reading this right now, say it before scrolling down. Ok, so now that we've got that out of the way, let's check out CH's stats!Captain Hero gets all of Jughead's stats+2, as well as two new abilities. I gave him Flurry on accident, actually. I meant to give him Blades/Claws/Fangs to demonstrate that one time he turned his head into a giant drill, but oops, i put it in the wrong place, so instead let's say I gave him flurry because now he can move faster or something? I dunno. I'd fix it, but i'm already pretty far into this post, so.....

I also gave him Perplex because, like the rest of the Super-Teens, Captain Hero has a "mind-fogger" that makes people forget who his alter-ego is. See, you use that and it Perplexes them, get it? Eh? yeah, you get it.

So, there you go, enjoy! Also be on the lookout for a cool new custom figure from my good buddy Dale. You know, from the Internet?

Greatest Comic Ever?

2008-02-06T18:01:00.001-05:00

Today, boys and girls, I'd like to introduce you to what just might be the greatest comic ever. I know, I know, I've said that about almost every comic I've ever blogged about, but this time I really mean it. This one takes the cake. Of course, by now, it should be obvious that I'm referring to DC's wonderful biography of child hero Robby Roberts and his fantastic alien power-dial, in Dial "H" for Hero!

Now, the entire run of this premise is absolutely breathtaking, and I could go on and on with you about every single panel from every single issue. But, for the sake of saving space (and providing me with ample fodder for future blogs), I'll only be covering one issue at a time. This time, we'll take a look at Robby's 5th appearance, in House of Mystery #160The premise of the series is a simple one, young Robby finds a telephone dial from space which, when he dials the letters "H-E-R-O", transforms him into 1 out of 1,000 randomly chosen superheroes. Think of it like that new cartoon Ben 10, except a billion times better. Later on in life, the ideas for characters would actually be sent to DC by readers. That means that this comic was both the easiest thing DC ever did ever, and the best piece of fanfiction you can get your hands on.

Before I even get into the particulars of the characters in this issue, I want to cover what makes Robby Reed so great. For starters, he's your average nerdy kid. Glasses, that bitchin' comb-over hairdo, not to mention his catchphrase of "Sockamagee!", which he yells at every possible moment. Robby Reed is everything you love about Jimmy Olsen along with everything you love about Hank McCoy's Nerdy Friend. He's is a fabulously unappealing character, so nerdy it makes YOU want to beat him up.

Ok, so on to the superheroes. This issue supplies us with 3 different heroes, but since we all know who the hell Plastic Man is, I'm going to skip him entirely. Let's look at the hero immediately across the page, Giantboy:What are the amazing powers of Giantboy, you ask? He's grown up. No, really. Giantboy is a boy who is the size of a full-grown adult. Making him just an adult. Not just any adult, though. Giantboy is such a badass that he stole Luke Cage's tiara! Giant boy is so badass he doesn't even have to hit you. He just wraps you lovingly in his arms and then breaks through a wall with his own freaking head. That's how he rolls. But, he's not why I'm talking about this comic. If you think Giantboy strikes fear into the hearts of villains, wait until you lay your eyes on...That's right, King fucking Kandy. Now, I know what you're thinking, but please, let me explain. Don't be fooled by the candy-striped unitard encrusted with hard candy. Don't be fooled by the crown made of lollipops. And especially don't be confused by him sharing a similar name and theme to the patriarch of Candyland. This guy is 100% genuine manly.

Originally, he was going to go under the moniker "Rock Kandy, agent of S.U.C.R.O.S.E.", and hunt down villains with such things as full rock-candy body armor, molten hot chocolate explosives, and an entire platoon of Oompa-Loompas. Instead, he decided to do it the way a real man does. In nothing but on Olde-Tymey bathing suit (which offers the absolute least amount of bodily protection) and armed with nothing but a lasso made of licorice. Still questioning the manliness? Let's do an experiment.

Take a break from reading this, and go buy some licorice. Go ahead, I'll wait...

..You back? Good. Ok, now take a piece of licorice, grab both ends and pull until the licorice breaks. Didn't take much force did it? Of course not, because licorice is just fucking candy. It's not specially designed for the battling and/or lassoing of evildoers. It's made for being delicious to children of all ages. But King Kandy knows how to kill a man with ANYTHING, even just a piece of candy. That's the kind of training you get when you spend 15 years in the jungles of Africa, battling revolutionaries 24/7 with nothing but a pair of capri pants and a pack of twizzlers.

Huh? Oh, that's right, that's not the origin of this hero at all. What was his origin again? Oh right, some preteen kid dialed some letters into a space phone and magically transformed into him. I guess that logically means that preteen kid, and potentially all others in the world, know how to kill you without blinking an eye.

Be Warned.

Marvel/DC Throwdown - Aquaman vs. Namor!

2008-02-01T13:08:00.001-05:00

So, i've been thinking lately about the plethora of character styles that exist between the Marvel and DC universes. They've both got badass archer guys (Hawkeye/Green Arrow), super-strong guys who fly around in the air wearing brightly colored costumes (Superman/Thor or I guess maybe Sentry). Then you've got Mr. Fantastic/Plastic Man, Apocalypse/Darkseid, Wolverine/Jimmy Olsen. I think you see the pattern. Everyone seems pretty evenly matched in their ability to kick ass.

But then, when you get to the category of "guys who live underwater", things get a bit hazy. Let me preface this by saying this is not an "Aquaman sucks so bad 'cuz he sucks" post. I genuinely like Aquaman comics. What I am saying is that nobody can deny the glaring differences between Aquaman and Namor. Both rule Atlantis and live underwater, sure. But Aquaman can talk to fish, whereas Namor can't. And Namor, well he... he can fly around on little wings on his feet. So with such vast differences, it stands to reason that one must be better than the other. I am no expert in the undersea arena, so for expert advice, I decided to turn to Westchester Is For Lovers' Senior Aquatic Authority, Aqualad. Over to you Aqualad.
Oh, right, sorry. I forgot, 'Tempest' is a bit touchy about his old name. I apologize, go right ahead, Tempest.
Um.. actually, Tempest, while we're on the topic of names. I thought I told you, it's not 'Aquaman' anymore, it's just Ryan now. But that's ok, it's no big deal. But anyways, who is this guy you're talking about? You know the unbeatable badass who has all your powers AND the ability to fly? Oh. Right...
Thanks for clearing that up, Aqualad!

[Also, a big thanks to my favorite DC blogger Scipio over at The Absorbascon, who provided the Aqualad picture]

Bits And Pieces

2008-01-23T20:31:00.001-05:00

Well, it's been a while since my last real post, so I thought now would be the perfect time to shake off this winter vacation mode I've been in and review yet another brilliant masterpiece of comicbookery. This one comes from James Allen, the samce guy who brought us Double Time #2. Ladies and Gents, without further ado, I present:

James Allen
Presents
James Allen's
Bits And Pieces
Now, completely ignoring the obvious hilarity of the title, let's take a look at the rest of the cover. Does it fit all the criteria for an awesome book? Let's see.

Blood: Yes
Bones: Yes
Big Awesome Font: Yes
Chicks With Big Boobs: No
Explosions: No
Dinosaurs/Robots: No

So, the cover is 50% awesome. The book is half perfect and we haven't even opened it yet! That means the entire rest of the book only has to be 50% awesome to make it a classic. So, let's start with our first story.
Good Hunting starts like any good story should, with a guy with a big gun walking around in the jungle. It appears he hired some native guides to take him and his bitchin' mustache on a safari for some big game. Then, on day five...
Holy shit yes! Please tell me those are tracks of what I think they are...
Then all of a sudden!
SWEEEEET! I think we all see where this is heading.

Dinosplosion!

And then, later:

Minidinosplosion!

So, there's story one, and already we've reached 83.33% awesome, since exploding dinosaurs count as both dinosaurs and explosions. Really, we could stop here and just be happy with what we've got, but we're not going to. Because up next is...
Wait? Wasn't this the title of a story from the last James Allen book we reviewed? Yes, it is. In fact, it's the same story entirely, but with a few upgrades. Namely, everyone has huge genitals.
Hell, even Eva has a huge package. What kind of crazy growth hormones do they put in the food in underground bunkers?
Well, let's take another win for James Allen, having successfully created a 100% awesome book. Give the man a hand. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to write him a letter.

Fun with youtube (cop out post)

2008-01-17T15:32:00.001-05:00

I came across this on the youtubes. pretty funny stuff, i say.

Comic Conspiracy Theories - New Warriors Movie?

2008-01-09T21:20:00.000-05:00

I sure hope Spencer Carnage is reading this one, seem right up his alley.

I got a very surprising email today. Came from an anonymous emailer with the address of "goatcheese47@dodgeit.com" (dodgeit.com apparently being a throw-away email service of some kind). The title was simply "New Warriors Movie", and the email contained 4 pictures. I present them to you with no changes made and no conjecture as to what they represent:

Now, I don't know about you, but that looks a whole heck of a lot like Night Thrasher to me.

Have you seen this new X-Force?

2008-01-08T16:48:00.001-05:00

So, if you've been reading Marvel comics over the past month or so, there's a good chance you've come across an advert talking about the new X-Force series. I have to say, I was a bit iffy about it at first, just based on the line-up of team members. Let's take a look at who we've got.

Wolverine: WHAT? He's on another team? What is that now, 4? I think this just goes to further support my theory that he is a skrull. If nothing else, the guy is really passionate about his work. Who's busier, Superman or Aquaman? Answer: Wolverine.

X-23: Ok, so Wolverine AND Lady Wolverine? I don't even know what to say about this.

Wolfsbane: She's a werewolf. Just a werewolf. Which, I wasn't aware could be counted as a "mutant power". But, get this, the chick says stuff like "Ye" all the fuckin time. She's like Thor, but with more hair and a better rack. She's ok in my book.

Warpath: Think Apache Chief without cool "grow powers". Warpath basically just runs around with knives as a mutant power. But, he's got potential to seriously fuck up some baddies, so I gotta say he's ok by me.

Caliban: The coolest mutant ever, Nuff Said. Oh, also he already died, so forget him.

So, out of 4 remaining members, really none of them interest me all that much as far as dialogue/back story goes. But I'm still going to buy it.

Why, you ask? Because 3 of the characters have claws that can slash people up, and the one who doesn't carries around big fucking knives instead. That means a 75% chance that somewhere in this series someone is going to get stabbed right in the fucking face. Also, check out this art:

Pretty sweet, I must say.

it's 2008, bitches!

2007-12-31T23:57:00.000-05:00

Well, it's midnight i'm stuck sitting here in my office on new years day. Not supposed to get off work for a few more hours. Oh, also, It's a new fucking year, mother fuckers!

So, what is a comic blogger to do on new years? Why, make resolutions of course. So, here they are, my:

Comic blogging resolutions for 2008!

1. Stop using so many stupid tags on my posts. Seriously, I have like, a zillion of them that I've only really used once. I need to narrow it down to about 10-15 good ones.

2. Stop talking so much smack about Bendis. I mean, sure he sucks out loud, but that doesn't mean I have to talk about it all the time, right? But if I'm going to stop doing that i'll have to...

3. Stop buying New Avengers and Mighty Avengers. I mean, am I the only one who has no fucking clue what the hell is going on in Mighty Avengers? Every time I read an issue, I feel like half the comic accidentally fell out of the book. Or, perhaps someone stole it!

4. Do anything I can to track down and subsequently write a short story about the guy from Brooklyn who, last night, found my blog by googling "wolverine nude", and then proceeded to further search my blog for the word "nude". Subsequently...

5. Make many more posts about wolverine, as it seems that 75% of all my web traffic comes in the form of people looking for pictures of wolverine on google.

6. Get off my lazy ass and finally get working on that Amazing Bag-Man costume I've been thinking about making for years.

7. And, finally, buy and read every possible issue of any comic containing The Badger. I just finished reading Badger Saves The World #1, and it is so damn good. You should read it too.

What about you? What are YOUR resolutions?

Drunken Comic Conspiract Theory - WHAT THE FUCK?!

2007-12-30T05:21:00.001-05:00

Hey, you guys remember that time I got drunk and blogged about comics? Today, in memory of that one time, I decided to get drunk and blog. About comics. Kinda.

First and foremost, I'm happy to announce that WIFL is the #1 google and yahoo search results for "kinetokinesis". But aside from that, I bought some comics today!

So yeah, comics came out yesterday, but I had to tend to a sick girlfriend, so I wasn't able to make it to the comic shop until today. And, guess what? The new Messiah CompleX is FUCKING SOLD OUT!

IN ONE FUCKING DAY! I mean, what the hell, man, seriously?!? Obviously, this is just another plot by the Purifiers in their insidious conspiracy against me. I was afraid it would happen, and I was right. It seems this thing goes all the way to the top.

God himself is in on it. He sent his only son to earth to delay my comics, knowing damn well that my girlfriend would get sick the day they came out. I'm on to you, God! Also...

**HOLY SHIT, THERE'S SPOILERS DOWN THERE!**
I read Captain America #33. and I just have to say, "WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK, MARVEL?". Bucky? REALLY? Come on! I think we all know that's a fucking cop-out. I mean, I'm okay with being wrong in my initial comic conspiracy theory about spider-man being the new Cap, but can't we be more original that Bucky? Let's look at our other options you gave us to choose from (after you narrowed it down to 6 people, that is)

1. Bucky: Fuck him. Now, don't get me wrong, I like this new "badass, totally not a young gay kid who serves no purpose but to get captured and make Captain American rescue him" image you guys are going for with him, but i think I already covered fuck him.
2. Iron Man: Umm, Iron Man is already a well established character in the public eye, so not likely.
3. Red Skull: NAZI! 'nuff said
4. Union Jack: Not from America, 'nuff said!
5. U.S. Agent: Isn't he working for the canadian government now? I'm not even going to get into the stupidity of a guy named U.S. Agent working for the Canucks, so let's just leave him out of it.
6. Hawkeye.

HOLY FUCK YES!

Do it, Marvel. Make Hawkeye the new Cap. I mean, what the hell else is he doing right now? Come on, Marvel, don't be a pussy!

Sweet Christmas Coverage! vol. 6

2007-12-25T14:33:00.001-05:00

Eh, I give up. Turns out when you go to work on Christmas, you still have to actually work. Can't just waste the day surfing the internet and making hourly blog posts.

Also, I kind of just started watching South Park and forgot.

So, here's one last post for today, with all it's chain-belt wearing glory!

SWEET CHRISTMAS FUTURE!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!

Sweet Christmas Coverage! vol.5

2007-12-25T09:58:00.001-05:00

Never Forget.

Man, 12 posts in one day is a lot harder that I thought it would be.